The NFL's Worst Teams Week Three: The Sad Sack Seven Cowboy Songs Edition

The season has turned savage and strange already.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have a sad choice between a statue and a fossil at quarterback as they prepare to face the suddenly rampaging Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

The only old man in prime time looking worse than Brett Favre is David Hasselhoff dancing with some frightened young lady.

Minnesota Viking fans, unlike Dancing With the Stars who sacked The Hoff, are stuck with an ugly, brutal, and short Favre future.  

Tom Brady played last week like he wanted be sipping Cachaca rum on a Rio beach with a Brazilian supermodel rather than facing the brutality of the New York Jets.

Who can really blame him if he blames it all on Rio?

The Dallas Cowboys are almost in flames and just might be a truly terrible club. But with still bad Giants and the bipolar Philadelphia birds battling to stay alive the NFC East might go to the ball club with the most sanity and stability.

Stability and Sanity thous name is not Snyder of the Beltway?

And by the Galloping Ghost of Red Grange, the Bears are winning without an offensive line. That is anyway until Cutler looks like a battered corpse behind some slow, big, bad Bears.

Jeff Fisher is growing a Civil War officer's beard not seen on a Tennessee commander since John Bell Hood got beaten worse than the Buffalo Bills outside Nashville. 

And what's more violent, bitter and cruel this side of a Balkan Civil War than a Philadelphia quarterback controversy?  

Now some songs for some sad ball clubs.

1] Buffalo Bills [0-2]

Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam. Where the wide receivers and the quart-backs can play. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word....

Alas that home might roam to Toronto in 2014...but I leave the bulk of these bad Bills behind.. 

2] Dallas Cowboys [0-2]

Maybe Willie Nelson will sing as the Cowboys watch the Super Bowl from home again.

Mama's don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys..

Don't let them throw picks and be out of playoff luck

Make them be Packers and Patriots Saints and stuff

And how about a new ballad called Jerry's Sure Been Lonesome Since Jimmy Left Town.

3] Cleveland Browns [0-2]

Insert the next coach's name and the next...hell make it the Browns forever fight song.

The Browns are a burning thing
And they makes a fiery ring
Bound by Delhomme desire
ManginI fell into a ring of fire

Mangini fell into a burning ring of fire
The Browns went down, down, down and the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire
The ring of fire

4] Minnesota Vikings [0-2]

Chilly and Brett can sing this sad tune together.

Though Brett is going to split for Mississippi not Ohio when they lay old Chilly low....and well the hotel won't be cheap or cold bacuse of that last contract and all.

Lefty he can't sing the blues
All night long like he used to
The dust that Pancho bit down south
Ended up in Lefty's mouth
The day they laid poor Pancho low
Lefty split for Ohio
Where he got the bread to go
There ain't nobody knows

All the federales say
They could have had him any day
They only let him slip away
Out of kindness I suppose

The boys tell how old Pancho fell, and Lefty's livin in cheap hotels
The desert's quiet, Cleveland's cold
And so the story ends we're told
Pancho needs your prayers it's true, but save a few for Lefty too
He only did what he had to do, and now he's growing old

5] St Louis Rams [0-2]

A song for Sam Bradford until he gets an offensive line and some wideouts.

Yesterday is dead and gone. And tomorrow's out of sight. Lord, it's bad to be alone. Help me make it through the night

6] Carolina Panthers [0-2]

Jimmy Clausen might as well go humming and skipping into the slaughter.

Headed down south to the land of the pines
And I'm thumbin' my way into North Caroline
Starin' up the road
Pray to God I see headlights

I made it down the coast in seventeen hours
Pickin' me a bouquet of dogwood flowers
And I'm a-hopin' for Raleigh
I can see my baby tonight

7] Detroit Lions [0-2]

The Motown Lions needs a tinge of the Blues in their beat.

And the Lions fans have been feeling the blues since Bobby Layne caught a bus to Pittsburgh.

My friends tell me ... that I've been such a fool
And I have to stand by and take it baby ... all for lovin' you
I drown myself in sorrow ... as I look at what you've done
But nothin' seems to change ... the bad times stay the same ... and I can't run
Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel ... like I've been tied to the whippin’ post
Tied to the whippin’ post
Tied to the whippin’ post
Good Lord I feel like I'm dyin'

Coming next week What Started Out So Right Went So Wrong by Lovie, Jay, and the Bears.

Perhaps Tom Cable singing "I'm So Lonesome I Can Cry."

Meanwhile can anyone ask Al Davis if his bucket has a hole in it?

And is Mike Singletary still standing sadly and staring at the goal posts in  San Francisco singing softly Bye bye love / Bye bye happiness / Hello loneliness / I think I'm-a gonna cry / Bye bye love / Bye bye sweet caress / Hello emptiness .......