SEC Predictions: Larry Losers in The SEC Week Four

Larry Burton (Syndicated Writer)

This series is a tongue-in-cheek tribute to to Leonard Postoasties and the weekly radio show he used to do in colorful country dialect.

Ole Bacardi is really upset. We would have a perfect prognosticatin' program going if it weren't for Houston Nutt and Ole Miss.

We start the fourth week of predictions with a healthy 27-2 record, but Bacardi says he wants me to take him to the Ole Miss game so he can personally pee on Houston Nutt's leg.

The other thing that has him upset is them Mississippi Bulldog cousins of his let him down and rolled over and played dead for LSU.

This could be the best batch of smart cookies we have ever come up with, but this week we're leavin' out the nuts because the Houston variety has done cost us two losses.

So with all that in mind, let's jump right in.

Alabama at Arkansas

Last year, the Tuscaloosa tusked ones put on a barbecue that fed all the people who came to Bryant Denny Stadium. It was a slaughter alrighty.

But enough of them porkers escaped to tell the tale to this year's group and they have revenge on their mind. Their chief chucker Ryan Mallet aims to air attack the elephants into submission.

In the end though expect the same result but with a closer score, because when they land to re-fuel they'll be trampled on the runway.

Larry's Loser - Arkansas

South Carolina at Auburn

So far these kitties from South Alabama have been living the high life and swaggering like the big cats, but this week the Old Ball Coach brings his pet peckers from South Carolina and aims to have the home team fans have a cat-tastrophic evening.

Auburn thinks they are a top shelf Tiger in the SEC and the Carolina Cluckers say they are the best and this game will separate a contender from a pretender.

This is gonna be a great game and there's gonna be fur and feathers flyin' for most of the game, but when the screamin' stops, it'll be the cluckers from Columbia left standing.

Larry's Loser - Auburn

Kentucky at Florida

Here we go with another clan of 3-0 kitties that think they're better than they actually are, and the Jokes on Joker if he thinks he'll stay in the undefeated ranks after a game in Gainesville.

Urban Meyer may not have the same league of lizards he's had in the past, but there's still a lot of snappers in this swamp.

Bacardi says the cats will look good for a while, but will melt in the Florida heat in the second half.

Larry's Loser - Kentucky

Georgia at Mississippi State

Mark Richt's Mutts muddle into Mississippi hopin' into get out of the dog pound and back on the porch with the big dogs in the SEC.

Dan's Dogs are down in the win column like their bulldog brothers and know that if they're gonna get back in the win column, a damaged dog from the red clay country might be an easy victim.

But in this battle of bulldogs, only one will be on the porch when it's over and the other is in the cellar. My buddy Bacardi says you could flip a coin on this one, but he has a hunch that he thinks I'd better follow.

Larry's Loser - Mississippi State

West Virginia at LSU

Bill Stewart and and his mountaineers come a calling to do a little pig hunting of their own down in the flat lands of Louisiana. They may be out of their element here, but they know to keep the powder dry and watch where they step.

Les Miles seemed to get the Tigers on track last week and hopes to keep things going his way just a little longer. Those fanatic fans in Baton Rouge plan on makin' music for the Mountaineers, but not the kind they want to hear.

Unless the Mountaineers have snuck back some seniors from last year, I don't see the bayou boys  disappointing a home crowd.

Larry's Loser - West Virginia

Fresno State at Ole Miss

Ole Miss is at the bottom starring up at the rest of the SEC right now, and Houston Nutt looks as nutty as can be from the shelling he's taken in the press over the reviews of the ragged Rebels this year.

Fresno State's bulldog boys come in a two-point underdog and with a record better than the Rebels. They think the timing's good to kick a poor Johnny Reb while he's down.

And though Bacardi's gonna hate me for sticking my neck out for this team one more time, sooner or later Old Miss is got to come through for the SEC.

Larry's Loser - Fresno State

UAB at Tennessee

The Blazer boys from Birmingham take the bus up the road to Hardknocksville to volley with the Vols and they figure if they're ever going to get a win over them, this would be the best time to get it.

Tennessee is playing like the boys of old in the first half and the Vileenteers in the second. Until Dooley gets these boys in serious shape with some big old backups, they could continue to fall apart before the final curtain.

The Rocky Top ruffhousers are without a lot of quality depth, but UAB doesn't even have first teamers who can inflict enough second-half damage, so they fall.

Larry's Loser - UAB

And that's it for this week folks, and look who's brought my house shoes. Tryin' to kiss and make up for your wanting me to take the dogs over LSU last week and pitching such a fit?

Well, it worked, let's both go get a snack.

'Til next week, the SEC will keep winning, Nutt's eyes will keep spinning, and Mark Richt's tenure keeps thinning.