The Future of Michael Vick

By now, most of you have heard that Michael Vick will spend the next 23 months of his life in the Big House.

But what happens after his sentence is served?

Will it be one of the greatest comeback stories ever told or will his rise back to glory stall at a halfway house?

Many sports writers and analysts are of the opinion that Vick will be an active player in the NFL by 2010. Of course he will almost certainly not be on the Falcons roster after “betraying” owner/friend Arthur Blank.

In a constantly evolving league, you can’t help but wonder what a player can expect upon returning after a two year absence.

Well, we took all of the major events since the announcement of the merger in 1966 that have led up to and shaped the present day NFL and entered this information into a top secret government computer called “The Super Predictor 9000.” This computer uses historical information to determine future events, not unlike a Farmer’s Almanac.

With a 99.8 percent accuracy rate, we are confident in presenting you with the Top 10 most significant changes Michael Vick will notice upon his return to the NFL:

10. Ed Hochuli no longer signals touchdowns for fear of crushing his own head between his biceps.

9. Brett Favre returns after having won his third consecutive NFC North championship title, but still refuses to admit that he has a good team.

8. Players are penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct for looking the opposing quarterback directly into the eyes.

7. John Madden returns from a one year suspension after beating Al Michaels senseless with a turducken leg when Al asked, “Are you going to eat that?”

6. After finishing in third place, Al Michaels is forced to withdraw himself from the “Dancing With the Stars” U.S. tour due to the turducken incident.

5. Peyton Manning has made 782 commercials, 83 big screen cameo appearances, written 14 songs, hosted SNL nine times, directed four Broadway plays, and written one book titled “How to Keep Your Little Brother in the Fetal Position His Entire Life.”

4. Bill Belichick and Eric Mangini are now living together with three cats, one dog, and a parakeet named “Chico”.

3. To avoid wasted time and possible injury, the Chicago Bears are automatically awarded six points any time a kicker/punter kicks to Devin Hester.

2. O.J. Simpson has just released his second book titled “How I Would’ve Done it Had My Original Plan Not Worked Out So Well.”

1. Tom Brady’s son becomes the youngest player ever to win the Heisman trophy at the tender age of three.

As you can see, there are certainly some interesting things for all of us to look forward to.