Third Member of Notre Dame's Holy Trinity Of Football Attacked (Satire)

More shocking news reverberated around the Catholic football world this weekend, causing faithful Fighting Irish fans to fear for their eternal football salvation.

The third member of Notre Dame’s venerated Holy Trinity of Football, the Leprechaun, suffered an unexpected, unprecedented verbal attack during the school’s national televised game versus The University of Michigan. 

Unruly Wolverine fans unmercifully poked fun at the miniature beanpole clad in kelly green short shorts, knee high argyles and corny corn cob pipe. Fans from Ann Arbor taunted the Irish mascot to tears in his own stadium, suggesting that he couldn’t intimidate a Teletubby and proffering that the pugnacious pixie shamelessly beat out a 90 year-old nun for his mascot job. 

The unprovoked assault on Notre Dame’s little greenie weenie comes at a precarious time in the history of the university’s storied college football program.

Irish football fans were still reeling from two shocking incidences this year which nearly caused the gold dome on the South Bend campus to crumble and the Holy Trinity of Notre Dame Football to unravel. 

The first attack occurred last summer when a bolt of lightning struck Touch Down Jesus’ iconic statue and sparked an ominous blow to Catholic football’s ground zero. The second startling blow took place only last week as ND Alumnus & Hall of Fame Super Bowl QB Joe Montana sacrilegiously questioned the authenticity of the athletic career of the school’s beloved Rudy of major motion picture fame.

Finally, when this weekend’s verbal effrontery by the Michigan fans forced the Notre Dame Leprechaun to shake in his shamrock shorts, it appeared as if the bedrock under the Catholic football world would be irreparably shaken.

However, in true Catholic tradition, rosaries have been recited, candles have been lit and special Masses have been said. To date, the plaster statue of Touch Down Jesus has been repaired. Rudy’s reputation will be ultimately restored. And chances are good that Notre Dame’s legendary Leprechaun will more than likely live on through this latest attack.

Straight talk. No static. 

MIKE – thee American made voice on sports!

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