The 10 “Douchiest” Fans in Sports

On Dan Le Batard’s radio show, they play a game with guests called “Douche or No Douche.”

Luckily for Le Batard, he works in the sports world, where douches and “douche-ism” is basically a way of life.

Fans are hardly the exception here—they’re the rule.

While our favorite athletes have a public forum to say and do dumb things, sports fans are left to their own devices. This lack of exposure is no deterrent to bad behavior.

Unfortunately, there is only one group of people who are significantly affected by “douchy” fan behavior: other fans.

In honor of that, here is a list of the 10 “douchiest” fans in sports.

10. Camera-Waving Fan

It has been well established by now that the camera shot panning the crowd isn't exactly the high point of televised sporting events.

For most fans.

There are individuals out there who appear to have reached the high-water mark of their lives when that stadium camera hits them.

As ridiculous as these people look on the Jumbotron, they look exponentially more ridiculous from home.

I’m not sure what television producer decided that it was a good idea to feature “fans” as part of their broadcast, but it has created a culture of “Me! Me! Me!” attention-grabbing.

We have people making signs and wearing outfits with the sole purpose of attracting the attention of the television cameras.

The worst fans are those who make signs using the broadcast affiliate’s acronym with the clear intent of attracting TV attention and nothing else. Call them the PRIDE (Patently Ridiculous Idiots Drawing Excrement).

These fans presumably paid money to see a sporting event. If more of your time is spent trying to get on TV than actually watching the game, don't even bother going.

Just try to get on a reality show where you belong.



9. BlackBerry Fan

I totally understand the attachment to your brand new smartphone. I’m often afraid that I will run into someone at work while checking for Twitter updates on my BlackBerry as I’m walking.

CrackBerry addiction is a very real problem in the regular world. This is magnified in sports stadiums.

It is unimaginable that sports fans over 40 would miss a huge play at a live sporting event.

When they became fans 20 years ago, there were only three things to look at if you were at a game: other fans, the scoreboard and the game.

But now?

You can keep up with other games.

You can post 140-character updates on what’s happening in your game (as opposed to just watching what’s happening).

You can send texts, e-mails, instant messages, Facebook updates.

Heck, you could even call someone.

The downside to this is a detachment from the event itself. It’s tough to think that sports fans of today are as emotionally engaged in their teams as they would’ve been in the pre-smartphone era.

They are, if nothing else, more informed.

8. Uninformed Fan

Do you ever turn on TV and just stop for a moment to watch a pundit spout off on some topic? Ever notice how the really vociferous ones never mention things like facts or sources?

That’s how the uninformed fan sounds when talking about his or her team, and the uninformed fan is usually a bandwagon fan.

There will always be bandwagon fans. Fans come from a variety of backgrounds. If a team had to rely solely on fans who root for the team that their fathers did, it would have a hard time filling the stadium.

My problem with bandwagon fans isn’t that they’re not “original” or “loyal."

(After all, how creative is it to follow your home team?)

My problem is that they don’t invest the time in educating themselves on the team they follow.

Either admit up front that you don’t follow them too closely and then take a back seat in discussions of the team’s performance, or really throw yourself into the team's culture, games, and moves before offering your opinion on those things.

DISCLAIMER: I am guilty, on occasion, of dropping an opinion without facts to back it up. The difference is that writing is not my career, it’s something I do for fun.

7. Costume/Face Paint Fan

These fans are similar to the Camera-Waving Fan. They deserve their own category, however.

Unless you’re actually a tiger, warrior, or dog, it seems a bit silly to dress as one for the purpose of attending a football game.

This is thankfully absent in other sports.

In life, there are very few occasions in which it is acceptable to dress differently than you normally would. One would be workplace dress code. Another would be Halloween.

That’s about it.

So we can reasonably conclude that there is no reason to dress differently for, of all things, a football game.

Costumes and face paint aren’t exactly normal attire for a sporting event.

If they are for you, either you are trying to grab attention or you have the same lack of self-awareness as a Jersey Shore cast member.

Either way, I’d rather not be seated next to the Viking or the guy with a wedge of cheese for hair.

Jeans and a T-shirt? Count me in.

6. Different Uniform Fan

It is 100% acceptable to wear the jersey or hat of the team you’re supporting at a sporting event. I want to make that clear from the start.

It is entirely “douchy” to sport another team’s gear to a sporting event when that team isn’t even playing.

Especially (and this is for you, guy-in-a-Miami-Heat-jersey-at-a-Cleveland-Indians-game) when it’s an entirely different sport.

One additional douche clause: if you have lived your entire life in a certain area, sorry, but you can't wear the opposing team's gear when you attend a game for your local team.

You can be neutral—I have no problem with having a separate rooting interest—just don’t show it.

Unless, of course, your goal is to actually be a douche. Make a mental note of that.

5. Unrepentant Homer Fan

Hometown guys are absolutely some of the best sports fans out there. I could never begrudge a fan for loving a team that is a lifelong passion.

You have to have a sense of reality, however.

For example, if your team has the best coach and all of the best players year after year, you may think that your team should at least contend for a championship annually.

That may be what you’ve deluded yourself into thinking, and the local media may even support you.

But most of the time, history and statistical evidence prove otherwise. There is no guarantee of greatness or playoff success in sports.

That’s why we watch.

So don’t explain to me how Kobe Bryant is comparable to the all-time greats. Or how the Dallas Cowboys have a Super Bowl team.

If you get to witness greatness over any period of time, don't assess it in the moment. Look at your team and your favorite players in the context of their peers. Don't let it be an emotional decision.

Whenever you refer to something as the greatest of all time, think of Kanye West.

For you to contend that something is the G.O.A.T. and you want to be taken seriously, you’ll need specific evidence. Without it, you can’t pass the Kanye test and you end up looking like a fool.

But at least he was standing next to Taylor Swift.

4. Philly Fans

I usually play the role of Devil’s advocate when it comes to Philadelphia fans. As a Philly team supporter, it’s tough to throw the home fans under the bus.

But this is, after all, a ranking of “douchiest” fans. No room for playing nice.

And there can be no argument: if you pelt ice balls at Santa Claus, or hurl batteries at the visiting team, or intentionally vomit on children, you are a douche.

No, it’s not Philadelphia’s fault that many of their teams' supporters are from New Jersey.

But the only way for the perception of the fan base to change is for the behavior to improve.

To date, it hasn’t, which is why Philly fans find themselves on this list.

3. Booing/Negative Chant Fan

Yes, I’m seriously condemning booing, but not unilaterally.

Here are the rules for appropriate booing:

1. When a player or team who appears to be giving less than best effort.

2. When the management of a team that has missed the playoffs for at least five consecutive years actually shows its ugly head in public.

3. When a rival’s villain player enters a game or makes a play

4. When your team’s former hero who left on bad terms returns for the first time (one year maximum).

All other booing and negativity directed toward your own team is “douchy.”

Seriously, what do you hope to accomplish by discouraging your own team? More poor performance?

Or perhaps you think that by booing, you’ll prevent a human being from making mistakes.

You’re right, great idea.

Disregard this whole slide.

2. Minor League Heckler

It was a tough call not making this one my top overall.

The minor league heckler is not someone a step away from the major leagues of heckling; to my knowledge, there are no tiers.

The minor league heckler is someone who goes to minor league baseball games and heckles the players.

I experienced this one firsthand at a Norfolk Tides game (they’re a minor league affiliate of the New York Mets).

A crew of guys in their early 30s were apparently having a great time slugging back $8 Bud Lights. They also seemed to think they were actually in a fraternity together.

At any rate, they were sitting near me in the right field bleachers and yelling obscenities about the right-fielder’s mom.

Look, it’s a douche move to make fun of someone’s mom to begin with, even if you know him.

If you get your jollies by getting wasted on overpriced light beer at a minor league baseball game and yelling at people who are just doing their job, you are a douche.

1. Too Drunk Fan

That segues nicely into our Number One “Douchiest” Fan: the fan who can’t hold his alcohol.

I attended Virginia Tech for college the year after Michael Vick left and, as you can guess, the football games were kind of a big deal.

In two separate instances, I managed to sit behind someone who was too tall for me to see the field properly, even though I am 6'2" and he was about a foot below me.

Coincidentally, in both instances, someone sitting behind me managed to spill bourbon on me.

How this happened both times still escapes me. What didn’t escape me is that alcohol isn’t allowed in college stadiums for a reason.

First of all, a good number (if not a majority) of the stadium attendees aren’t old enough to drink legally.

Secondly, people in that age range also have no experience drinking in moderation.

So for idiots like myself that went to games sober, it was actually a fairly miserable experience.

As with drinking and driving, drinking while sharing a collective belief and allegiance can have dangerous consequences. Just ask the visiting fans.

Alcohol and sports really don’t belong with one another, but seem to be inextricably linked for some reason. You would think that, with the abundance of sports bars and HDTV, people who like to watch sports and consume alcohol to excess would have other options than drinking in packed stadiums.

So if you can’t control your drinking, do us all a favor. Stay at home and have one too many. You’ve got a lot of places to pass out and you’re not ruining the experience for others (unless, of course, you live with other people).

Don’t be a douche.