The 10 Best College Football Mascots

They'll dance to the worst tunes in history.

They'll flirt with your girlfriend.

They'll punch the air.

They'll look absolutely, positively stupid.

Mascots, baby!

Special Mention: Ramses The Ram

While my other 10 mascot pieces a somewhat of a joke, this one's quite serious.

Jason Ray, the UNC Mascot, died after being hit by a car. Ray was a major part of the Carolina community and his memory lives on.

This is merely us doing our bit.

10. Bevo from Texas

Only in Texas could your mascot be a live cow, but get this—this cow's a complete and utter dopehead.

We were at the 2008 OU-Texas game, and a buddy of mine pointed out just how much liquid drugs they pump into the cow during the game. That's why last year it didn't send Jordan Shipley 100 ft in the air for tapping it on the ass after he scored yet another touchdown!

Oh, and when Bevo dies, don't ask about the autopsy. He'll be more full of drugs than [add dead rock star's name here].

9. Brutus Buckeye

There's no truth to the rumor that Brutus was going to face a name change to "Brutal Buckeye" after his team's brutal 2007 and 2008 National Championship performances.

Look, we love him because he looks like a doughnut, and he smiles all the time. He's also built like a brick outhouse. He can probably bench 350, and Mrs Brutus is smoking hot.

With the name Brutus, expect to be stabbed in the back (as happened to that poor chap Julius Caesar), but also expect Ohio State to be damned good in 2010.

8. Sparty

We actually picked this picture from a basketball tournament, but the crossed arms and thoroughly p***ed off look represents everything we know and love about Michigan State Football.

For years, the Spartans have threatened to be good, only to self-destruct in hilarious fashion. Of course, they come good against teams like Notre Dame (sometimes) and Michigan (sometimes), but then they twin it by losing to teams like Indiana and bad Penn State teams.

This year people are predicting better things for Sparty, but that's happened before, hasn't it?

7. Mike The Tiger

He might be the most spoiled animal since any of the Kardashian sisters.

But don't mess (for want of a better word) with Mike The Tiger.

6. The Georgia Bulldogs

These two are definitely dogs—but that certainly doesn't mean that should reflect on the beauty in the Georgia stands. We love you, co-eds in Athens!

UGA VII would have gotten extra points from us if he'd actually bitten hairy to reclaim top dog status, but you know what? UGA doesn't need that. Didn't he bite an Auburn player a few years ago?

5. The Notre Dame Leprachaun

Is he a leprauchan?

Is he a student?

Is he a kid that volunteered to do this because he loved Charlie Weis' offense and was an eternal optimist that the defense wouldn't suck ass?

Whatever happens, the ginga ninga is a bit of a hero in South Bend—even if you have to ignore the blatant stereotyping of fighting Irishmen. In fact, Notre Dame, we're pretty surprised that you haven't brought along something dressed as a pint of Guinness, or perhaps Mrs Leprachaun, either. Or are they not allowed to marry?

4. The Auburn Eagle

We're a sucker for eagles, and so Auburn's eagle definitely makes the grade on this one.

Twin that with an utterly cool football uniform, a cool way of celebrating major victories (papering the tree), and a rocking stadium (people STILL talk about the atmosphere a few years ago when Florida came down to Jordan-Hare Stadium), and you've got something funner than a freaking stupid elephant.

However, the elephant probably roots for the better team. And could stamp on the eagle. But there we go. We're getting a little metaphorical now, aren't we?

Oh, and Auburn: why two mascots. You'll get called "Tiger Eagle" or "Eagle Tiger" or "War Tiger" in a minute....(if you haven't already 900,000 times)!

3. The Stanford Tree

OK, to it's technically more the band mascot than the team mascot, but really, who cares?

The Stanford Tree is still spectacularly famous for getting wasted at a basketball game, and the band are spectacularly famous for being spectacularly inappropriate.

Both of which get five stars for effort from us.

2.The Penn State Nittany Lion

The Nittany Lion is actually more than a mascot. He's an ace dancer, gymnast, and he loves the ladies. Or more's the case, the ladies love him.

His version of "Thriller" is probably one of the most wonderful thing on YouTube, the type of thing that Michael Jackson cries for.

The crowd love the Lion more than the football team sometimes - and the Lion's got to get extra credit from us for not showing up for most of the 2004 season NOT utterly hammered. Because, if memory serves, that was the best way to remember the 2004 season.

1. The Oregon Duck

He arrives to ESPN College Gameday on a motorbike and is loved by all the pot-smoking hippies in Oregon.

But more than anything, what's cooler than a Duck that beats the crap out of a Cougar - especially one from Houston?

For the Duck's next trick, we want him getting down and dirty with an (actual) Washington Cougar, or any of the cast from Cougartown (Courtney Cox would be great though).

Failing that, we'll settle for a wheelie on the motorbike.