The Irrational Haters

I can honestly say I just do not like some college football programs for any other reason other than they exist. I cannot explain this “irrational hate”, but it exists. I do not know where this eighth sense comes from, but I feel it deep in my loins and I will share with you why you should hate these teams for no reason as I do. Let’s Go.

Maryland

I don’t know what a Terp is and Maryland has always gotten on my nerves. I don’t like Ralf Friedgen not because he is fat, but because he is obese. On a serious note, why does he continually get a pass being one of the worst coaches year in and year out? Maryland has not been relevant since the 1950’s and lameness of this program is a glaring reason why. Question? When I say Terp head does it offend you?

Toledo

Your nickname is the Rockets, what genius picked that name out, how original. It makes me want to go to the school more than I did yesterday. Furthermore, Toledo always looks like a high school team every time you see them play. I know Toledo is a big lacrosse school, but really an emphasis on a total university-wide make-over is long overdue. If somebody knows who came up with Rockets, please sent me their address. Thank you.

Washington State

May I ask why you call yourself the Cougars and you don’t have a scantily clad 40-year-old bomb shell as your logo? This in itself is unforgivable, but to also have Ryan Leaf on your resume means you should get the death penalty “just because”.

Iowa

The epitome of bad fashion as football goes, and what is a Hawkeye any damn way? Seriously, Iowa does have great tradition; Haden Fry spawned the greatest coaching tree in college football history, so Iowa is not a total loss. However, if you look up Hawkeye on Wikipedia the definition is: the opposite of cool and swaggless. If my daughter in the year 2029 asked me to attend Iowa, I would punch her in the ribs with brass knuckles on, yes, it’s that bad.

Rutgers

You started this college football phenomenon and you still suck. I think that burns deep enough, keep chopping wood losers!

Every Directional school in the Country

You are second fiddle to the big name schools in your state. At least have the balls to throw a “tech” or “State” or even a last gasp “A&M” in your name please (Kudos to the Louisiana schools for feeling me on this). This act of rebellion must be done regardless of the mission statement of the University or College, cool counts for something.

Baylor

I at least have a real reason for hating Baylor, it’s called nepotism my friends. Baylor is the “Ugly Girl” who should have never got called back after a nice seafood dinner, if you know what I mean. Baylor does and always will have high-ranking members of the Texas legislature in its court. Therefore, prestigious alumni have been keeping the “Fugly Girl” popular long after she should have been deleted as a Facebook friend. If I had my way, Baylor would be an all girl’s school that offered men’s track anyway. My apologies to their QB, Robert Griffin III, your are one bad mo fo.

Florida

You have made this list because you have kicked that much ass since about 1990. Nobody likes a team that wins more than they should, I respect this but loathe you at the same time. All you Gators a bums I tell you!!

Indiana

Just Because

Texas

BOOMER SOONER!!! And (see Indiana)

Purdue

(See Indiana)

UCLA

You are the classic college football underachiever. You sit in the middle of one of the richest fields that grow young men to be college football stars, and you wear Adidas...white Adidas? Kill yourself slowly!!!

Virginia

I used to roll with the Cavs when the Moore brothers were doing their thing many moons ago. Two suggestions bring back the old school (Penn State’esque uniforms) and hang Cavman by a rusty wire.

Michigan State

The Spartans disgust me in every way for no apparent reason and I am ok with that.

Boise State

Am I the only blogger in the Milky Way that has the MOXY to call it how I see it? BSU = Wanabees! The blue turf thing gets on my nerves as well. Would you date a chick with blue hair? Moreover, would you take her seriously?

I have posted this article in good fun, but honestly I don’t really like any of these teams listed, and I may have taken things too far at some points. This article is aimed at a good laugh and not a lame attempt for the “fugly girl” to add me on Facebook.

See you in season,

CJ

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Co Editor-in-Chief

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