Only $20 Million For Darko??

In a signing that went largely unnoticed by most NBA fans, Darko Milicic was recently re-signed by the Minnesota Timberwolves to a four-year deal worth $20 million dollars. This was the latest brilliant move by ex-Pacers general manager and soon-to-be ex-Timberwolves general manager David Kahn.

To dig deeper into this bargain, ESPN sent NBA analyst J.A. Adande into the heart of Minnesota to question Kahn on how he could possibly pull off such a steal. Upon arriving at Kahn’s mansion, Adande drew back in fear at the barking of the three timberwolves Kahn employed as guardians of his not-so-humble abode. After a booming voice literally called off the hounds, Adande was ushered into the foyer of the house, where he immediately put on his sunglasses to avoid the instantaneous onset of blindness caused by the glinting of the diamond chandelier.

Once the two men arrived in the study, Adande inquired just how Kahn was able to sign Milicic at such a low price. “You know, I really don’t have any clue,” Kahn answered. “Like a lot of the moves I’ve made throughout my career, I really don’t have any logical explanation for it. For some reason, no one else seemed to want him this year and we just took advantage of it. I’ve heard rumors that we could’ve gotten him for a lower price, but I didn’t want to risk losing one of our best players.”

As Kahn reclined lower into his red velvet chair he toyed with the top button—made completely out of pearl—on his Armani sports coat. “I’ve really made a habit of tricking teams into thinking I’m actually working for them and it’s worked, just look around. But this, this is different. It’s the best signing I’ve ever made.”  Adande nodded his head almost imperceptibly upon hearing this, seeming genuinely surprised at this admission.

Kahn went on to explain that he was convinced Milicic could be an absolute force in the paint because he scored 8.3 points per game last season with the Timberwolves in only 25 minutes per game. “Imagine how good he could be if he played all 40 minutes!” he said, his voice rising with his growing level of excitement just thinking about the tantalizing prospect of watching Milicic on the court in the upcoming season.  “And he’s seven feet tall. You can’t teach height, just look at Shawn Bradley!”

“And here’s the kicker for me at least. Look back at the 2003 NBA draft. LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, and Chris Bosh were the other players selected in the top five and only King James was taken before my new franchise player. The others have all worked out quite nicely for their teams, so it’s only a matter of time before Darko finally lives up to his potential.”

Adande left behind the practically giddy general manager before exiting the house and catching his return flight to Bristol.