SATIRE — American-born forward Giuseppe Rossi was surprisingly left off the final 23-man Italian World Cup roster Tuesday.
It was the New Jersey native's dream growing up under Italian-born parents to play for the Azzurri.
He spent his summers as a child near Parma, Italy at soccer camps.
But it was not to be.
"Didn't make it, but I have no regrets," Rossi said, according to his Twitter account. "Worked hard and showed what I could do. I guess the coach had other plans. Good luck Italy."
The move made by coach Marcello Lippi caught most experts off guard, especially after Rossi's stellar performance in 2009's Confederations Cup (including a two-goal outing against the Americans).
The forward will be left to wonder what might have been if he had chosen the U.S. instead, for surely he could have been an integral part of this summer's team.
"Can't wait to go back home to my family now!!" Rossi wrote. "Gonna enjoy a beautiful summer."
Well, Giuseppe, let me be the first to welcome you back to the U.S., and offer up a few suggestions for what to do in between watching both the Italians and Americans on T.V.
1. Play softball with Eric Byrnes
Just three days after being released by the Seattle Mariners earlier this season, Byrnes joined a San Francisco-area burger and pub restaurant's softball team.
The 34-year-old is still being paid $11 million dollars by the Arizona Diamondbacks this year as part of a three-year deal he signed back in 2007.
Heck, maybe with a little persuasion, Rossi can turn the league into a kickball association (for which I'm sure he'd lead the league in homers).
2. Play in the MLS
The third-place New York Red Bulls would be happy to rent this Villareal forward.
Rossi would sure be a nice role player for Colombian native, and current leading scorer for the Red Bulls, Juan Pablo Angel (No, I have never heard of him either).
Rossi would even find a familiar face in Frenchman Thierry Henry, who played for the Spanish club Barcelona, and plans to play for New York this summer after his country is eliminated from South Africa.
3. Join "The Jersey Shore" cast
Okay, this is my best idea yet (cue the fist pump).
The man is from New Jersey, and if you have ever seen a picture of him, you have seen Rossi rocking the dark oversized shades and gelled up hair.
Season two of the show debuts this summer, but it's never too early to start taping for season three.
I could definitely see a love connection brewing between Rossi and J-Woww.
Hello GTL! (gym, tanning, and laundry, for you non-pop-culture-phenomenon-watchers).
Follow me on twitter at twitter.com/tyleremerick