College Football: Don’t Question my Fan-Hood

This is a post from your newest Mizzou fan, Mackey.

Let me start this by getting this off my chest, I love Double Dave’s, a lot! That being said, I did sell my proverbial wang of collegiate fan hood for a large meat lover’s pizza and a dozen pepperoni rolls.

I really thought this contract would have had a warmer reception among my friends. Apparently, I’ve become a bigger sellout than Peyton Manning, and I don’t have a single tongue-in-cheek commercial with my slightly retarded brother!

The only Sooner fan that I know constantly reminds me of how gay I am for being a sellout. I’m sure that’s what he and his fellow Okla-Homo-Haters have heard all their lives; "Grown men who sell their football soul for pizza in the form of a contract are dying to tune a meat whistle."

Honestly, I just wanted a college to root for. Mizzou seemed like a good bet. And every Mizzou fan that I know of (this consists entirely of Sleezy) is cool as hell. So where did I go wrong?

Nowhere, that’s where!

I’m a fan! Probably more than most people I know. I know who Chase Daniel is, I know there’s this black guy on the team that’s faster than Eddie Van Halen on Meth, and there are a lot of fat guys down where the ball is snapped.

Hell, at least I have a story to tell! Too many men my age pull for a Division One school that they have absolutely no ties too. No one gives a rat’s ass about what your dad or mom likes, or what you grew up watching.

I grew up watching the Thundercats and Transformers, but I grew up. Grown men recognize a deal when they see one.

I’m from nowhere really, but I love the Seattle Seahawks. Too many people think this makes me an automatic fan of Wazzu, and Udubb, but I really couldn’t care less. I’ve never been there, my dad’s not a Grad from there, no one in my whole family is really.

The only tie I have to a college is the one I go to, and the Park Pirates have a football team that would get their land-hatin’ asses spanked by the South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dogs.

That being said, I just wanted a good story to tell the kids when I’m hung-over.
“How’d you get to be a MIZZOU Fan, old man?”
“I was bought fair and square! Now shut up and eat your cereal! MIZ!”