2010 Laureus Awards: Kevin Spacey, Athletes Deliver a Triumphant Finale

The 2010 Laureus World Sports Awards are officially in the book.

Host Kevin Spacey opened the evening’s festivities with a bit of a grind, but hinted the real talent of an exceptional performer is the ability to fight through the ho-hums and keep going until the crowd is yours.

The two-time Oscar winner peppered impressions of famous characters throughout the evening and, by the end, had the audience in his hand.

His Morgan Freeman was all right; he cranked it up with Johnny Carson; pulled everyone’s ace in Christopher Walken; tossed in a little William Shatner;  broke out Katherine Hepburn; wowed ‘em with Michael Caine;, and got Jimmy Stewart pretty cold.

But the real hit was William Jefferson Clinton—not because it was the best, but because Slick Willy was the most international flavor of the shtick (with the possible exception of Caine).

Flesh-and-blood celebs popped in to confer trophies upon the winners and various important figures from the Abu Dhabi royal family took in the show.

The evening also featured a performance by Mika?

This had me a little confused because “Mika” is a British DUDE who has a band with him that is very much a part of the performance yet gets no love. It'd be a little like the Rolling Stones calling itself "Mick."

That is, if Mika’s music were comparable to the Stones’ (i.e. good) instead of just high-pitched throat shrieking.

Additionally, the musical interlude made it official: Skinny leg jeans are now a dumber fad than hot, slutty vampires. I don't get the allure to the heroine-chic look. I thought it went out with the 80s or, at the latest, Kate Moss.

Those pants just cannot be comfortable. Not on men; we need a certain amount of...room. Which means males across the world are sacrificing comfort for fashion.

I believe that’s a sign No. 2 of the impending Apocalypse. Yes, I’m being recklessly judgmental because I’ve never worn a pair. They could be wonderful—stranger things have happened.

Nonsense aside, the night belonged to the athletes as did the whole week and for good reason. Though a brief recap of the winners follows, they weren't the only ones enjoying the moment.

Some hombre came out and juggled a soccer ball using various parts of his body for about 10 minutes. He also jumped rope, did some light tumbling, and traversed the stage back and forth. All the while keeping that ball going—it was infinitely more impressive than the old Tiger Woods ad with the bouncing golf ball.

Sorry, "some hombre," but I didn't catch the name.

Next came mountain bike trials cyclist Kenny Belaey, riding his bike up and down the tiers of stairs and then replaying that scene from Aliens—the one where Lance Henriksen stabs a knife rapidly between Bill Paxton's hand. Except instead of a hand, it was a spread eagle human body and, instead of a knife, it was a guy on a mountain bike.

I couldn't decide who was more impressive: Belaey or the guy willing to lie still throughout the demonstration. Either way, nicely played, gentlemen.

Onto the winners:

World Breakthrough of the Year—Jenson Button

Don’t know if conspiracy theorists are as numerous across the globe as they are in the States, but this guy beat some pretty stiff competition (Juan Martin Del Potro and Tom Daley, who you must see to believe because he looks so young, amongst them). Not only that, he happens to be sponsored by Mercedes and Vodafone.

Those are two of Laureus’ primary patrons.

For the record, I’m far too ignorant about any of the nominees to be seriously suggesting something untoward. But it’s still a fun tidbit.

World Sportsman of the Year—Usain Bolt

The Jamaican blur won the same award in 2009, but the ceremonies had been canceled so No. 2 was sorta a first for Bolt. This is too bad because he could’ve been entertaining had his nerves not gotten the best of the sprinter.

The clearly stage-struck athlete opened his live via satellite acceptance with a sly grin and a question: had he really won (asked while holding the trophy)?

In response to a query from Edwin Moses about the prospects of taking up hurdles, Bolt claimed they were a no-go lest he pull a hamstring due to inflexibility. Finally, he identified the two individuals by his side as his "security personnel."

Meanwhile, the rather large 2010 Sportsman of the Year dwarfed both.

Real shrinking violet, that one.

World Sportsperson of the Year with a Disability—Natalie du Toit

I recognized this young lady from the breakfast held that morning. She had been beaming like a kid in a candy store as she collected autographs on her napkin from the various legends in the room.

More importantly, she had her leg amputated at the age of 17 after being hit by a car. Subsequently, she's won gold at the Paralympic Games.

She also qualified for the Sydney Summer Games and finished 10th in the "marathon" swim. With one leg. Against the best two-legged swimmers the world has to offer.

My inferiority complex grows.

Sport for Good Award—Dikembe Mutombo

The big man scored the honor for his charitable work in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. I sat down with him again after he won so I won’t get into it here. Suffice it to say, Mutombo might be the most impressive human being nobody really appreciates.

World Action Sportsperson of the Year—Stephanie Gilmore

World Comeback of the Year—Kim Clijsters

World Sportswoman of the Year—Serena Williams

World Team of the Year—Brawn GP (Formula One)

These four were given while I was talking to America’s Son of the Congo so I’ve got nothing more than the who/what. Apologies.

Lifetime Achievement Award—Nawal El Moutawakel

I omitted one factoid from my article on El Moutawakel—every Moroccan girl born on the day of her gold medal victory was named in her honor. If you combine that with her many exploits, including the coveted Lifetime Achievement trophy, and the next anecdote makes a neat definition of irony.

The Moroccan legend got stopped by security earlier in the day and they wouldn't let her pass because she didn't have her Laureus badge. Of course, she was wearing a Laureus shirt; there was someone from Laureus vouching for her; I chimed in that I had interviewed her the day before (shockingly, that got a blank stare from Security Guard A), and is—you know—changed the historical narrative for her gender in the region with an OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL!

Good call fellas.

After El Moutawakel gave one of her (I'm beginning to believe) typically eloquent and moving public addresses, the Academy members in attendance congregated on stage as Chairman Edwin Moses gave his final remarks.

And then like that [poof] the 2010 Laureus World Sports Awards were gone.

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