Georges St-Pierre's MMA Spring Poster Contest

Damn!

Naturally Georges St-Pierre is having a contest that's stacked against Grandma Dee and assures that I will not ever be able to win it! This is becoming way too familiar to me.

Why me, Lord? Why me?

Certainly I am one of Georges' most faithful and rabid fans.

I have taken heat from my family, friends, and readers who just do not understand my obsession with Rush. At times I even imagine that Georges' lovely and dedicated manager Shari Spencer is plotting against me. Will I ever be able to meet my idol?

At the advanced age of 64, I have a certain sense of urgency about meeting Georges.

My mind is fading so quickly that I had better find my way to Montreal and camp out at his gym where he will have to trip over me before I forget who I am and what I live for, which is to write about GSP and watch his career progress in MMA.

(Yes, ladies, I still have ambitions to help him find a suitable life mate as well, being that I am old and romantic and love to meddle in young guys' lives pretending to be a matchmaker. Just ask my grandson Kodi).

Well, fate—or, rather, the GSP "team"—has devised a contest based on choosing a photo of Georges to be taken from his 2010 calendar and made into a poster to sell on his site, GSPFightClub.com.

And how, you may be wondering, has the deck been stacked against Grandma Dee?

Well, obviously, how can Georges' biggest fan possibly chose just one picture from the 12 magnificent options? Duh!!!

There is January, the month of my birth, which shows Georges in a very frisky-looking razzle-dazzle move that makes me imagine him teasing someone with his fantastic dance moves or feints.

February has a sophisticated, serious Georges who appears deep in thought, trying to decide whether to call Beth, Emily, Janet, Stephanie, Lauren, or Elizabeth, all young women whom Grandma deems datable and worthy of his undivided attention.

March has a rather devout-looking Georges who has probably gone to church seeking guidance in avoiding Grandma's pleading with him to date one of her female fans. This picture, unlike the past two, is in color and gives Georges a radiant glow I find very attractive in a purely masculine manner.

April has a seaside photo, also in color, depicting a rugged Georges against an angry-looking sea. Mm, what a manly man!

May has a close-up of Georges' very chiseled, fabulously featured face, near enough to caress!

June has a Georges at rest. This pose makes me want to kneel and tie his errant shoelaces so he won't arise and trip over them. (Does Georges ever trip)?

July is again at seaside and in color, sporting a shirtless pose that could cause excessive salivation, either due to his physique, which is much like a beautiful piece of sea glass that's been smoothed by the motion of the waves and sand, or due to the sea salt, which could feasibly be finely coating his skin.

August is a study in black and white of an outdoorsy Georges, posed in front of a rugged rocky background.

September is a colorful Georges wearing a suit and appearing to be smiling at the love of his life, making my heart flutter up in my throat.

October is a suit-wearing Georges at the sea, looking into the horizon, perhaps with a feeling of longing.

November is a natty Georges in a hat looking devilishly mysterious.

December has Georges in a black body-hugging leather jacket, resembling a smiling young Vin Diesel, perhaps on the set of The Pacifier or The Fast and the Furious.

Now how in Hades is Grandma going to win this contest?

Any of these—no, all of these—photos are poster-worthy, and I am not one who had posters of the teenage idols of my youth papering the walls of my room with lipsticked imprints of my lips all over them!

Cursed! I am cursed!