ESPN'S Tony Kornheiser Talking Sports? Idol Must Be on Hiatus.

Tony Kornheiser back with you on ESPN Radio. I am your host. Tony Kornheiser.*

You know what, Nigel?

Nigel: What's that, my liege?

Tony: I'm watching Hannah Storm on SportsCenter, and I'm having a reaction.

Nigel: Your enlightenment is cool water on a hot day, TK.

Tony:  Don't get me wrong. I like Hannah and everything. I do. But she's just so TAWDRY!  The way she wrinkles her nose when she laughs. I saw her interview Marcellus Wiley once. She wrinkled her nose THIRTY-SEVEN TIMES!  Can you IMAGINE?!?!?

Nigel:  She's like the Erin Andrews of sports.

Tony: I KNOW!!!!!! So she's hosting SportsCenter this morning, and she's doing her bit, okay. And she's got on this Catholic school girl-type skirt, right. And it's SHORT!

Nigel:  Huh.

Tony: That thing is SHORT!

Nigel:  Short?

Tony: It's SHORT! And she's got on this blouse, you know, and it's TIGHT. The whole thing...well, it was pure harlotry, Nigel.

Nigel:  Cheaper than Old Navy slacks.

Tony:  Absolutely.  Hey, Nigel, we didn't discuss this beforehand, but I wanted to do something a little different today.

Nigel:  Your wish, my command, TK.

Tony:  I think I'd like to skip our usual "American Idol" chat.

Nigel:  Are you feeling okay?

Tony:  I am.  I just thought we might talk sports this morning.

Nigel:  What?

Tony:  Now, bear with me. After last night's episode of "Idol," I caught a few highlights from the Lakers game. Kobe Bryant hit the buzzer beater. 

You want to know what I think about him? Buckle your safety belt.

I think he's THE BEST PLAYER IN THE NBA. Just deal with it. If you think he's not, I say you're a DOPE.  

I'm just getting warmed up, though.

Want to know who I think is the best player in college basketball?  John Wall. Want to know why I think that? Because he's GREAT, that's why. 

Want to know my favorite kind of wisdom, Nigel?  CONVENTIONAL.  I watch TV, I skim the Web, I restate whatever I absorb. 

Unless I see Hannah Storm wearing something tawdry. THAT'S when the wheels really start turning! She's in her 50s now, is she not?  She's like a bearcat now.

Nigel: A cougar?

Tony: What do you mean, cougar? What is she gonna do, attack me at night in my camping tent? 

Whatever cougars do, Nigel, I'm not sure that applies to our discussion here.  Pay attention, Nigel. PLEASE

Nigel:  All apologies, my liege.

Tony:  Speaking of college basketball, let's take a look at one of tonight's big games, shall we?

It's Maryland. Playing at home.  Against...ahhhhh....(looks at computer screen)....Clemson! Coming all the way up from Georgia to play the Terps.

Nigel: The Peach State, TK.

Tony: Right you are, Nigel!

So (looking at the computer) their point guard, Demontez Stitt, is back healthy again after missing the team's first game in Clemson. Trevor Booker is their best player, but they've got Jerai Grant in the post, too.

Now he burned the Terps last time.

Nigel: Yes he did.

Tony: I don't know the stats. Who am I, STAT BOY?

Nigel: 18 points, 12 rebounds, 4 blocks. Booker was a bit quieter, 10 points but 16 boards. Maryland, especially Dino Gregory, will need to stand up to them. And the guards can't be afraid to go into the paint.

Tony: Clemson is the best team defensively in the ACC. They're the best!

Who's the best? CLEMSON! THAT'S IT!  THAT'S THE LIST!!

Nigel: They slowed their last game to a crawl with the full-court press and stifling man to man. It worked...they held Maryland to 53.  That's 26 below their average.

And with Stitt back tonight, they'll press exhaustively again. The Terps have to break it this time or it could be the same show!

Tony: Now this Greivis Vasquez. What is he, Brazilian? I wonder if Hannah Storm likes Latin American men.

Nigel:  He shot 3-11 against Clemson last time. They'll need more from him tonight, and with the way he's been playing, they should get it.

And if the Terps are going to fight the press with the press, which is likely, they'll need Vasquez's long arms.

Tony:  He would look great in a sleeveless cocktail dress.  He'd be like Michelle Obama.

Nigel: An X factor for Clemson could be inside-outside forward David Potter.

He averaged 15 points against Virginia Tech and Florida State, but only four against Miami and Virginia. So he's streaky, but if he's on, and Booker and Grant are on too, they could avalanche Maryland's bigs.

X factor for the Terps: Landon Milbourne. If he can use his mid-range game to draw out the trees, that could really open things up.

Tony:  I used to like that X-Files show. What ever happened to The Smoking Man? 

Nigel:  Make no mistake, Clemson's coming to play. They're 19-7 overall but 1-4 on the road. They're coming off a 3-0 home stand, but they badly need a road win to lock in a tourney bid.

Since they're 3-0 against the Terps since 2008, they're gonna see an opportunity here.

In their last meeting, Maryland capitulated to Clemson's grind.  If it happens again, it could be a long night for the Terps.

Less pressure on Maryland, but they have plenty on the line as well, playing at home with a three-game win streak of their own. They've got the ACC's best player and second-best freshman in their corner with  Vasquez and Jordan Williams. A win all but solidifies a tournament bid.

I think the home crowd, which is still fired up from that Georgia Tech thriller, is gonna tip it in the Terps' favor. They win another ugly one by six, seven points.

Tony: You know what, Nigel?

Nigel: What's that, TK?

Tony: I think Ugg boots would work for you. Ever seen a pair of Uggs?  Ask Carrie Underwood how Uggs feel. 

Now THAT'S a girl who's got her act together. 

We'll be back right after this message.  I'm Tony Kornheiser.*

*Celebrity "voices" impersonated.