54 Entirely Random College Football Predictions

Last year we put out a bunch of college football predictions and threw it out there that we thought we'd see Florida and USC play for the National Title. While Florida was only one game away, we were a whole lot wrong about USC, who managed to lose to just anybody with a winning record this year (apart from Ohio State).

This year, we're throwing out our college football predictions. We can't wait to remind you how wrong we were (apart from the Big XII, anyway!) in 2011!

54. I'll cry a bit on the first Thursday/Friday/Saturday of the season. College football's back, baby!

53. Florida State and Miami will again play the best game of the year. Isn't that always the case in Florida at the start of the season?

52. I'll be organising a trip to Beaver Stadium to see Penn State play Illinois .

51. And a week later, I'll be off to Athens to drink some Southern Comfort, some Jack Daniels, and some beer while watching Georgia play Vanderbilt (only weekend where both teams play home games in sequential weeks, and the weather's going to be pretty warm).

50. It'll be a better idea to wear orange this year....

49. As long as you're Auburn, Texas, and Clemson

48. Because let's face it: Tennessee ain't going to be great this year, either.

47. Nor is Syracuse .

46. And Illinois fans will be talking about Ron Zook in the category of "great recruiter, crap coach."

45. Speaking of recruiting, Florida and USC had good times, didn't they? Well, with that much talent coming through, expect some arrests/transfers.

44. And speaking of good times, they aren't going to continue to happen at USC . We expect some fairly serious sanctions for the Trojans coming up. Scholarships will be lost and wins may be forfeited.

43. But Pete Carroll won't care—he's in Seattle getting rained on!

43a. Seattle won't make the NFL playoffs in 2010 either.

42. Speaking of playoffs, Barack Obama will soon realise that investigating the legality of the BCS is simply waste of taxpayers' money and stop what he's doing.

41. Then we'll go back to old cliches of every given Saturday.

40. Speaking of "Every Given Saturday," we fully expect Alabama to beat Penn State at home, Florida State to upset Oklahoma, Wisconsin to beat Arizona State, Iowa to beat Arizona, and Ohio State to do the business against Miami in the game of non-conference games.

39. That's not to say that "The U" is going to be bad this year—we fully expect that they will contend for a divisional title. That Jacory Harris kid is goofy but good, people. Oh, and that game against Florida State at the start of the year is going to be a classic.

38. Speaking of the ACC, no-one will know who the hell's going to win those divisions.

37. Although Virginia Tech will have its work cut out, beating Boise State in the second best non-conference matchup of the year.

36. People may well start talking about Tyrod Taylor in Heisman terms, and they'll also be talking about Matt Barkley (USC), Blake Gilbert (Texas), Mark Ingram (Alabama), Greg McElroy (Alabama), and AJ Green (Georgia).

35. AJ Green will be a good receiver on a mediocre Georgia team. Sorry Bulldog fans, although we expect them to beat Tennessee this year, we can't see that there will be a lot of joy against Auburn and Florida. But their defense is going be a hell of a lot better now that Willie Martinez has been run out of town.

34. Speaking of "Them Gators," we confidently predict that one of their freshmen is going to do something stupid in their next four years and get run out of Gainsville, but....

33. It won't matter to Pope Urban Meyer I of Florida, who is going to keep on coaching for years to come—especially if he can put together recruiting classes like the one in 2010. Unless he leaves for the good of his health/ a good drama/ because he can't be bothered/ because his wife's threatening him/ because God told him to/ because he's going to the NFL to coach Tebow/ because he got a better offer for Nick Saban's spot at Alabama.

32. But if we're talking recruiting, there's another team who continues to do well: Texas. The Longhorns were only a mistake or two from an astonishing comeback against Alabama in the NC Game, and we fully expect their dominance to continue in 2010. There's also another reason:

31. The Big XII South will have another down year, and Oklahoma, Texas A&M, or anyone else won't really be troubling our viewing time. Although the guys at OSU are men, by the way...

30. And if 2009 was a "down year" for Notre Dame, 2010 will be a good one in Brian Kelly's first season. Now that Charlie Weis has gone, Notre Dame haters like me will like them a little more.

29. And might be cheering them on as they hit up a BCS bowl this year—even without the Jimmy & Golden show. We'll predict a 10-2 season (with losses against USC and an up-and-coming Michigan State), and people will be talking future National Titles for Notre Dame. Although that's a little unlikely, people.

28. Let's go back to the Appalachians and talk about Tennessee . Derek Dooley's a pretty no-name coach at Tennessee. I'm sure I heard: "Ohhhh...you mean THAT guy from Louisiana Tech," more than once around Neyland Stadium. Tennessee won't compete for the SEC this year, and everyone will be talking about how sons aren't quite as good as their fathers. And maybe the name "Elmer" and "Fudd" will get talked up as Fulmer suddenly looks like a pretty good idea.

27. And if someone wants pressure, then it's Rich Rodriguez. He's had a crappy first two years at Michigan , and he's almost guaranteed the pink slip if he screws up his third year.

26. The problem is that this Tate Forcier kid's good, if he can cut out the interceptions. If he can't, then it's goodbye RichRod, as NittanyBuckeyeHawkeyeSpartanIrish Nation celebrate your departure.

25. Michigan State is going to be good this year. We predict third or fourth place in the Big Ten, a Jan. 1 bowl game, and a 8-4 record (I was going to put 9-3, but you just know that MSU will screw up against an easy team somewhere along the line).

24. Nebraska had a good year in 2009, didn't they? Although The Boy Named Suh's gone to the NFL, Bo Pellini's defence is still going to be very, very real to opposing QBs this year. We're calling for a 10-2 year, with losses coming against Washington and Texas.

23. Speaking of Washington , the Steve Sarkasian renaissance will continue for Huskieville, as Jake Locker has his fourth year of fun as UW's quarterback. We predict an 8-4 year for the Huskies, with landmark wins coming against Nebraska, BYU, UCLA, and Cal.

22. But if you thought the ACC was hard to work out, then try the Pac-10, although we can confidently predict medium-to-good years for almost every team except Washington State—and Arizona State.

21. Oregon and Oregon State will battle it out for the Civil War crown and the Rose Bowl at the Civil War in November. We'll make a very early call for lots of points to be scored on the ground, as Jacquizz Rodgers and LaMichael James put up some serious numbers.

20. Oregon's Autzen Stadium, Penn State's Beaver Stadium, The Horseshoe in Columbus, and Neyland Stadium will all continue to be REALLY, REALLY, LOUD. Texas' stadium in Austin, however, will continue to let us all down.

19. We won't be let down by the Ohio State Buckeyes. Terrelle Pryor will also have his name to the "Heisman Contender" list after anchoring his team to victory against Miami, but we still think the Bucks will lose at Iowa -ensuring that they play in the BCS, but not in the Rose Bowl. Sorry, OSU....

18. Speaking of Iowa , they'll criminally lose one they shouldn't, but they still have enough to go to their first Rose Bowl in years.

17. Penn State will shrug off the loss at Alabama and win "one for the JoePa" at Iowa in order to give Paterno his 400th win, but the loss at Ohio State will eliminate them from the Big Ten title reckoning. They'll have to settle for yet another Jan. 1 bowl game (against LSU).

16. PSU's Derek Moye will become one of the most talked about wide receivers in college football after a string of sensational performances, and Evan Royster will solidify people's thoughts that he's ready for a pro career.

15. Having said that, we think that Kevin Newsome will NOT be Penn State's quarterback going into the first game of the season. Although Joe Paterno loves seniority, he's going to love either Robert Bolden or Paul Jones as the quarterback. Newsome will get some playing time—and will be horrible to stop on a 4th-and-1 play because of his speed, but don't expect too many reps for him. Sorry, Kevin. Prove me wrong, won't you?

14. Matt Barkley WILL lead USC , but it won't be a Pac-10 title that he'll win—or a Heisman. The Trojans will start fast but lose at home to Oregon, at Oregon State, and on the road to Arizona. And we're not sure about the Notre Dame game, either. And Lane Kiffin will whine a bit. Not that he'd ever do that, mind you.

13. Speaking of losers, Michigan will lose its rivalry games against Michigan State, Notre Dame, and Ohio State, Virginia will lose its rivalry game against Virginia Tech, Georgia Tech will lose to Georgia, Texas A&M will lose to Texas, Florida State will lose (again) to Florida, Purdue will lose to Notre Dame, and Auburn will lose to Alabama. If I've forgotten your rivalry game, then I'm sorry.

12. Speaking of good, we expect Oregon to win the Pac-10 and still have the nation's hottest cheerleaders .

11. We'll make the call and say that Mark Ingram will repeat for the Heisman after leading Alabama to yet another SEC title.

10. He'll cry a bit, and we'll be hearing more stuff about his dad, who's in jail, if you hadn't heard.

9. Speaking of SEC titles, Alabama will play Florida for the third straight time in Atlanta. Alabama will already have dealt with Florida in the regular season, and the "fantastic Florida freshman" will hear the second chorus of "Rammer Jammer" emanating from the Crimson faithful.

8. The Big Ten will be won by Iowa . Second place will be Ohio State and third (again) will be Penn State—although PSU and OSU will have the same in-conference records. We all pull our hair out and ask for another team for the conference in an effort to defeat the tie-breaker. And in 2015, we'll be complaining like Texas fans did in 2008...

7. The Big XII North will be won by Nebraska —simply because there's no other team worth talking about in the Big XII North...

6. And the Big XII South will be won by Texas —simply because there's no other team worth talking about in the Big XII South.

5. We'll call for Texas to win that game, shall we—the second time they'll beat Nebraska in a season. But it's shaping up to be quite the rivalry...

4. Rutgers will be the surprise winner of the Big East, and we'll all be trying to spell PISS-CHAT-AWAY. Unsuccessfully.

3. TCU will be the best team amongst the non-BCS schools. Boise State will have a one-loss season—with the loss coming against Virginia Tech.

2. The ACC Championship Game will be played between Miami and Clemson (again). "The U" will win in a game for the ages.

1. But not quite as good as the National Championship Game, which will again feature Texas and Alabama. Texas will win the National Title.