Detroit Lions: Matt Millen Trades Entire Roster for Big Mac and Fries

In a move guaranteed to have NFL fans talking for several minutes, the Detroit Lions today traded their entire roster for a Big Mac extra value meal.

A statement released to the media by team president and CEO Matt Millen read in part, "It has become obvious to myself and the lady who cleans my office at night that having several talented wide receivers does not guarantee a winning season in this league. Nor does having a long snapper. Nor a quarterback."

"In fact, I was told by the kid who fills the vending machines at the complex that almost every losing team in the NFL has wide receivers, long snappers and quarterbacks, as well as other positions I had not even heard of, like something called an 'offensive lineman'."

"Therefore, it is my feeling, and the feeling of the two guys I was standing in line with at Starbucks last Thursday, that it is in the best interest of the Detroit Lions organization, not only to find ways of getting value for our players, but if possible, EXTRA value."

"I believe that by trading all of our players for the number five meal at McDonald's, we have definitely accomplished that today."

Although the Big Mac from McDonald's was passed over in the 2008 NFL Player Selection Meeting, draft guru Mel Kiper Jr. of ESPN has said of the popular sandwich, "Very beefy. Ideal size. A little sloppy on the edges, but able to stuff the middle. Good with a Coke."

When asked for a reaction, former Lions quarterback and current McDonald's employee Jon Kitna would only say that he understood that the NFL was a business and that he only hoped that as assistant crew leader he could help the dinner shift at the Lansing Metro McDonald's become the best crew in the county. And also that the Lions would win 10 games this year.

In a related story, the Ford family announced today that it had extended Millen's contract through the 2019 season.