Brett Favre Retires and Comes Back In Third Quarter Of Latest Viking Loss

CHARLOTTE, NC—Seemingly bored with retiring and coming back after a season is over, Brett Favre tried to retire and come back during last night’s loss to Carolina.

“We were losing and I was getting hit,” Favre told the media afterwards. “So naturally it came up."

“I told the little guy with the beard and glasses (Viking Head Coach Brad Childress) that I was done and I had nothin’ left to give," Favre went on to say. “He told me if I didn’t retire I could ride in the Escalade again, but at that point my mind was made up.”

It was also at that point many people watching at home and fans in the stands thought they saw tears streaming from the ever-emotional Favre’s face.

“Honestly, at first I thought it was just normal, everyday crying, ‘cause you know, he does that,” Viking Offensive Guard Steve Hutchinson said. “Then when I saw the cell phone come out and the media start flocking, I knew we had a retirement announcement.”

Sports Illustrated ’s Peter King was first on the scene, cleverly dressed as a Viking assistant coach.

But in a major media first, King and NBC sideline reporter Andrea Kremer were the only two reporters to show to the hastily called press conference, as Bob Costas was reportedly sleeping in the NBC booth, waiting to wrap up the game with a lyrically emotional, yet concrete summation of both teams effort levels and sportsmanship.

And this unbelievable news comes mere days after Favre told USA Today ’s Jon Saraceno he will retire if the Vikings win the Super Bowl.

While chaos raged mere feet behind him on the Viking sideline, Head Coach Brad Childress stayed calm, even though he knew what was transpiring, “Oh sure I knew (about the retirement), he told me. He tried the same deal during the Detroit game and the Green Bay game as well.”

Childress explained, “I remember seeing him during halftime at Lambeau writing his new retirement speech. He asked me to proofread it.”

Apparently, the reported friction between Favre and Childress came after Favre— annoyed by the weak media turnout—cut his retirement announcement to King and Kramer short, to tell Childress he wanted to go back in the 7-6 game.

“I said, ‘look you just told me you retired how can I put you back in?',” Childress recounted. “And he said that for all he’s done for this organization he deserved another shot, to which I replied, 'but you RETIRED five minutes ago!,'” the mild-manner Childress seemed to get visibly aggravated when relaying the story.

Undaunted, the never-say-die, gun-slinging Favre continued to press Childress, who ultimately relented and put Favre back in the 26-7 shellacking delivered by the lowly Panthers.

“Anyone who knows me or has played with me, knows I love this game,” Favre emoted. “And to think that I would retire, or leave a team after making a such a big deal in coming back, they’re crazy, even if they heard me say it.”

“I guess me and Flanders, (his personal nickname for Childress, referencing Homer Simpson’s neighbor in The Simpsons ), ain’t gonna agree on everything. Oh, well that’s the NFL,” Favre wistfully said.

Favre’s agent Bus Cook was outside the Viking locker room after last night’s game, holding court and doing damage control.

“Brett did not retire in tonight’s game, that was just a rumor he started," Cook said.

“As always, Brett will make a heartfelt, emotional retirement at the end on this season, just like 2007, 2008, 2009. After that, he’ll take four or five weeks off to reconsider and then be back right after training camp is over to prove to everyone that ran him out of the league, that he can still play. Thanks, see y’all then,” Cook concluded.

Interestingly, neither King nor Kramer reported this story.

Reportedly, Favre personally guaranteed that they’ll be the first ones he calls, when he decides whether or not to continue playing at the end of the season—or the end of next week’s first quarter at Chicago.