Brownout In Cleveland

When the San Diego Chargers charged up to Cleveland this past weekend, there wasn't anybody from here to Tuskegee who thought that they wouldn't be notching their seventh consecutive win on their sharpshooting gun butts. The Cleveland Browns are as woeful a football team as exists in the known universe, and San Diego, resting a half dozen starters, wasted no time in making it known to everybody that this was going to be a stroll along the veranda as the poor Browns have trouble successfully making themselves breakfast this year, and it doesn't look like that's going to change any time soon, either.

With a half-dozen starters banged up and Coach Turner looking ahead to a meeting next week with a Dallas team that is tied with Philadelphia for the division lead, and is only one game ahead of the Giants, Norv decided now would be a good time to try out a bunch of rookies and bench warmers under game conditions. The weather in Cleveland was clear and in the brisk 40's but that didn't cool down a San Diego offense that is as hot as any in the NFL right now. The already awesome Antonio Gates set a new career yardage mark with 8 catches for 167 yards by the time the third quarter was done.

Cleveland took the opening kickoff and got my stomach acids churning just a bit when they held onto the ball for nearly six-and-a-half minutes, using 10 plays to drive 82 yards for a touchdown; not the kind of defensive performance to inspire confidence in a Chargers fan against a team that some wonder if they could put together a drive like that even with no opposition. San Diego countered with a drive of their own that resulted in a field goal before Cleveland's wheels began to wobble and the cracks in their game widened into fissures. Their second drive got them close enough to attempt a field goal which missed, and on the very next play Rivers flipped the ball out into the flat to fullback Mike Tolbert, and the 245-pound Tolbert zinged down the sideline for a 66-yard touchdown. Ahhhhhh, that's a bit better. Cleveland surprised all 72 of the fans in the stadium by fumbling on their next possession and the Chargers put up a field goal to finish the first quarter ahead 10-7. Still, Cleveland gained 135 yards in the first quarter, more than half of their 230 yard average for a game this season. At this rate, they'd finish with more than 500 yards of total offense unless San Diego had a bit of defensive fortitude stashed somewhere in their plan. San Diego tacked on another field goal to go in at the half ahead 13-7, but uneasy lies the head of the team that is ahead in any NFL football game by a mere 6 points. I wasn't too awfully thrilled by the direction of the air movement so far, but many of my fears would be put to rest after the half, as San Diego scored touchdowns on their next two possessions while stifling the Browns to take a warmly comfortable 27-7 lead into the fourth quarter. San Diego went 85 and 84 yards for their two TDs in the quarter, while Cleveland went 3-and-out on each of their two possessions for a measly 10 yards. A 20-point lead in the fourth quarter against Cleveland? My muscles began to relax as any tension I was feeling about this game being close drained away and I settled in to watch my Chargers run out the fourth quarter clock. After all, the idea that the Cleveland Browns could score three unanswered touchdowns in the fourth quarter to pull this game out was just ludicrous. I mean that team didn't even score a touchdown in their only victory all year, which they won by a score of 6-3. It would take them a month or so to score the 21 required points. The Browns, however, noticing that the Chargers were beginnning to slumber a bit, quickly drove down for a touchdown to pull back within 13 points. Okay, there was still too much time left in the game to suit me. San Diego then answered by maneuvering for a field goal to put themselves back up by a much more comfortable 16. Sixteen points is, of course, a number that can be matched by two touchdowns and two two-point conversions. So when Cleveland, with just under two minutes to play, scored a touchdown, they naturally went for the two point conversion. Unfortunately for them, San Diego's defense picked that precise moment to stiffen and deny them, thus maintaining the lead at two scores instead of just one. WHEW! THEN.....Cleveland kicked an onside kick and recovered it! Well, I guess that's okay. They still need two scores. So then they kick a field goal to pull back to with a touchdown of San Diego, and as Cleveland, which had now scored 16 points in the last 7 minutes, lined up for yet another onside kick, I realized that all the relaxation that I had felt at the end of the third quarter had now fled, to be replaced by what threatened to be a throbbing migraine as I visualized Cleveland recovering the onside kick once again, scoring a touchdown as time ran out to send the game into overtime, and then receiving the kickoff and kicking a field goal in overtime to win it. Or worse yet, scoring the touchdown, going for the two-point conversion once again, only this time successfully, and winning the game outright, resulting in a Chargers loss so ignominious that the repurcussions would reverberate for the rest of the season and probably well into the rest of the century as well, as chasms would no doubt widen under San Diego and the entire fan base would be sucked down into the nether regions amid the realization that Phillip Rivers, who has never lost a game in December as a Charger, had lost to the lowest of the bottom dwelling inhabitants of the league. Many players on the team, demoralized beyond all capacity to recover, would retire to a life of drunken debasement and many of their most ardent fans would fling themselves across the tracks to be dismembered by onrushing trains as their team spiraled back into the depths of their most maladroit years, despairing of ever beating a decent team again.

Okay, so maybe I AM waxing just a trifle dramatic here, but I'm only reflecting the horror that such a happenstance instills on the watching hordes in Chargersdom. Here's what REALLY happened: As the season goes on, Norv Turner and his scouting staff refines their knowledge of not only the capabilities of their own players, but the capabilities of their opponents, so that they are SO in the zone that they are aware with micrometer precision EXACTLY, to the erg, the amount of energy that must be expended in order to beat this team, and decided to expend ONLY that much and no more, so has to have reserves left over for the big game next week. So.....they marshaled EXACTLY that much, put it aside in a bun warmer on the sidelines, and meted it out in small doses as it was needed during the game. At the end of the game, it was all gone, for if they had put forth even one candlepower less effort into winning this game, then they would have lost. So what if they gave up 372 yards and 23 points to a Browns team that now, thanks to the Chargers, might actually believe that they can win? They can beat whoever they want now. We're outta here and off to Dallas, where the real fun will begin. Obviously those Cowboys are going to have their spurs on for this one, and will be considering each game from here on out a Must Win, as do our own Chargers. Each game from now on will have playoff implications, naturally.

These are two teams that historically have have very different Decembers. San Diego likes to start the season off slowly, convincing everybody that they have forgotten how to play, slowly building momentum until December, where they never lose and at the moment are riding the longest December winning streak in NFL history. Phillip Rivers has never lost a game in December, having won 14 straight, while the Cowboys tend toward the opposite. They sit at 8-4 and tied atop their own division, but they are more famous for their December swoons than their victories, and have not had a winning December since 2001, when they went 3-2.

Antonio Gates is having a career year in what is already a hall of fame career. Vincent Jackson and Malcom Floyd are catching passing sea gulls in midflight, and Phillip Rivers can knock a flea off a fly's butt in full flight with a football at 60 yards. The Cowboys had better have their pass rush on steroids if they're going to slow this group down. On the OTHER hand, last week's game against Cleveland illustrates what even the lowliest quarterback can do against a team that doesn't bother to rush the passer. Cleveland's Brady Quinn, who has only thrown for 1100 and some yards all season total, completed 25 passes for 271 yards against a Chargers defense that decided not to defend. I'm sure hoping that they have their pass rushing shoes on this weekend because the Dallas Cowboys are no Cleveland Browns. These guys can play a little football. Tony Romo may have been lackluster at time this year, but like most quarterbacks it's best if you harrass him at every opportunity, at least until you leave him crumpled on the ground like a gray-and-red jelly smear.

Denver enjoys the dubious honor of playing the Colts, who have not lost a regular season game in 21 consecutive games, and as hot as Denver has played the last two weeks, I don't see them as the Indianapolis undoing. If the Chargers can beat Dallas, and Indy can knock off Denver, then San Diego will enjoy a 2-game lead in the division. Make it happen.