The CFL's Christmas Wish List

Now that the Grey Cup is over and the Saskatchewan Roughriders lost Don Cherry-style, it's the offseason and I am down to writing one CFL article a week.

I have to think of things to write about. What is immediately on the horizon is Christmas.

Everybody wants something for the holiday season and the CFL is no exception.  Below is a list of what Santa could bring to the league, assuming it's been good this year.

On the first day of Christmas, there came to the CFL...

1. Still grieving over the deaths of Ron Lancaster and Bobby Ackles, the CFL discovers and sponsors chelation therapy and no one connected with the league ever dies of coronary heart disease or a stroke again.
2. As a result of the impressive attendance at the Grey Cup, Calgary decides to keep the added seats permanently boosting potential attendance to over 45,000.
3. Ottawa football fans become impatient at the return of football to the city and petition the city council, the new owners and the CFL to do something.  As a result, the construction for the renovation of Frank Clair Stadium is worked out so that Ottawa can rejoin the league in 2010 as was originally scheduled.
4. Impressed with the sold-out Grey Cup, the 62,000 Edmonton-Saskatchewan game and the 53,000 Eastern final in Montreal, Jim Balsillie, Quebecor and a third investor pay the $7 million franchise fee and are granted franchises for London, Quebec and Kitchener for 2011.  Each promises to begin immediate construction on CFL-size stadiums, 35,000 for London and Kitchener, 40,000 for Quebec.  Each new stadium will have the capacity to expand either permanently or temporarily if the Grey Cup is awarded.
5. Excited by the prospect of two new rivals, London and Kitchener, which will boost attendance, Hamilton's owner works out a deal to expand the new Pan Am Games stadium to 35,000 after the games are over in 2015, with the capacity to expand if Hamilton is awarded the Grey Cup.
6. Desperate to improve its quarterbacking, Winnipeg signs Kurt Warner after he is released by the Arizona Cardinals because of age.  Season ticket sales increase.
7. Balsillie induces Kent Austin to return and coach the new London franchise.
8. Pinball Clemons returns to coach the Toronto Argonauts.
9. Determined to make a splash and get the new Ottawa franchise competitive immediately, the team signs Michael Vick.  "The CFL has given troubled players a chance before," says Ottawa's GM.  "Michael has paid his debt to society and wants to move on.  He wants to be a starting quarterback again so he can prove himself and wants to show the world he's a changed man by helping to rebuild this franchise."  Season ticket sales take off.
10. Based on the Kurt Warner signing, Winnipeg scraps its original plans for its new stadium and instead increases permanent seating to 35,000.
11. Impressed by attendance at the Eastern final and excited by having Quebec in the league, Montreal scraps plans to expand its stadium to 25,000 and moves back to the Olympic Stadium.  "It's something we've always wanted to do," says Alouette president Larry Smith.  "We've won the Grey Cup, we've got two great new rivals Quebec and Ottawa coming into the league.  Attendance for those games alone should exceed 40,000.  People here are talking CFL."
12. Ottawa induces Cameron Wake to return.  "Now we've got star players on both sides of the ball," says Ottawa's GM.
13. In football-crazy Saskatchewan, Mosaic/Taylor Field is expanded to 40,000 seats.
14. Desperate to improve attendance, Toronto signs Tim Tebow.  "We had to do something to halt the decline," says GM Adam Rita.  "And the owners gave me the green light to go out and get the best young quarterback in the game.  Toronto needs a star player and Tebow should fit the bill.  Now we've got better quarterbacking than the Buffalo Bills.  This is the next Doug Flutie who is going to take the league by storm.  Now we are talking about attendance over 40,000 each game."
15. As a result of the successful exhibition game in Moncton next year, the new stadium is expanded to 25,000 permanent seats.
16. In view of the increased interest and expansion in the CFL, Brock, Laurentian, Carleton, Moncton, PEI, Lakehead and Dalhousie universities start football programs and join the CIS.  At the same time, the CFL makes a rule change and adds one more non-import player to each roster, providing it is a Canadian quarterback.  "We want to work more closely with the CIS in the future," says Commissioner Mark Cohon.  "We have to increase Canadian interest in football and it starts at the lower level.  Giving Canadians a chance to star in the league is essential.  We have to develop the next Russ Jackson."
17. Because of the expansion and increased interest and attendance for the CFL, TSN and the CBC get into a bidding war and both sign new lucrative television contracts with the league.
18. In the 2011 census, it is revealed that the population of Moncton has increased to 200,000 and that of New Brunswick to more than one million.  "I think we now have the population to start a permanent franchise," says commissioner Mark Cohon.  "We've staged two successful, sold-out, regular season games the past two years in a CFL-size stadium.  I think we can have a successful regional team in Moncton, New Brunswick like we have in Saskatchewan.  All we need is an investor."
19. In the same census, Regina has grown to 250,000 and Saskatoon to 300,000.  "I think the day is not far off when we'll see two teams in Saskatchewan," says Cohon.
20. It is also revealed that Victoria, Halifax, Oshawa and Windsor have all grown by 150,000 new residents, making their populations at or near 500,000.  The CFL makes plans to play an exhibition game in each of these cities.
21. Quinton Porter and Adam Tafralis, like Darian Durant, improve as quarterbacks.  "That is good news," says Cohon.  "We were having a bit of a quarterbacking crisis, but their improvement and the recent new signings means that the CFL will have star players at the key position for years to come."
22. A sponsor steps forward and offers to back a national punt, pass and kick competition similar to the one in the United States.  Cohon is delighted and the competition is launched.
23. Quebec becomes the first expansion team to be awarded the Grey Cup game.
24. The Buffalo Bills' threat to the CFL is terminated abruptly when the city becomes the victim of the new investors of the Los Angeles stadium and is moved to southern California.  Since the NFL has no plans for a return to unglamorous Buffalo in the near future, some local investors petition the CFL to place a team there.  After negotiations, the concept is widened and the CFL agrees to set up a northern New York state division within three years with teams in Buffalo, Rochester, Syracuse, Albany and possible expansion to Hartford and Providence.
25. Based on the new American division, ESPN offers the CFL a new rich American television contract, far more than that offered to the NHL, provided that the CFL also sets up a western American division.  Negotiations are opened with Portland, Spokane, Boise and Butte, Montana.