Chargers Mile High--Broncos Six Feet Under

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Last month the Denver Broncos, full of themselves and riding a five game winning streak and leading the AFC West by 2 1/2 games, galloped into San Diego and dealt the Chargers what looked at the time to be a devastating blow, slamming them 33-22, gaining a seemingly insurmountable 3 1/2 game lead in the division, showing San Diego who the new bosses of the division were, and with their next game against San Diego being played in Mile High Stadium (or, as they call it these days, Invesco Field) in Denver, left town with their heads held high and riding their own personal tsunami of success. Unfortunately, a funny thing happened on their way to their Western Division title celebration: On their way out of the stadium to get on the bus, the exuberance of their celebration caused the burr that was under the Broncos' saddle that had caused the ponies to buck off all comers since the season's beginning jarred itself loose and landed in the Chargers' jock straps, causing San Diego to finally break out of it's traditional early season ennui and go on their November tear while the Broncos sank week after week into an ever-deepening eddy of confusion, despair, and defeat.

Thus it was that Denver and San Diego met this weekend sporting identical 6-3 records with the Chargers having won their last four games and Denver having lost their last three. The winner of this game would hold sole possession of first place in the AFC West. Denver, having lost a 3-game lead in the division to the Chargers last year with only three games left in the season, now found themselves facing the possibility of losing the division lead after holding a 3 1/2 game lead just a month ago. It was not an exciting prospect, and the Broncos desperately wanted to get themselves back on the winning track. If they could just win this one, they would not only find themselves in sole possession of first place, but by virtue of beating San Diego twice, have the tie breaker if the two teams should finish the season with identical records. A big game. Unfortunately for Denver, their starting quarterback, Kyle Orten, sprained an ankle last week and would not start this game, something that suited San Diego just dandy, as Orton's backup, Chris Sims, had basically not played in three years and was earning his money by handing out towels in the locker room, although it was said he was really excellent at that; maybe even all-pro.

Broncos Coach Josh McDaniels, an hour or so before the game, happened upon some of the Chargers linebackers in the parking lot. In an effort, perhaps, to be sociable, he told them: "We own you." Uh, oh. Bad move, Josh. There's a faint possibility that he might be getting some flack in Denver these days for lighting a fire under San Diego's defenders, who are sure grinning now. If this is what being "owned" is like, they'll take it any day.

Denver got the ball first and knew a couple of things:

1.The Chargers are not good at stopping the run and;

2. Denver's stand-in quarterback Chris Simms basically hadn't played in 3 years and looked every bit of it last week.

So they played it smart. They handed the ball off, and handed the Chargers's butts to them . They drove down the field picking up yardage in 8-yard chunks. Then, just when they were in field goal range, their coach had a WTF? moment. He decided to throw the ball. As Sims dropped back to throw, Shawne Phillips came charging through and swiped the ball out of his hands. Chargers ball. Want to throw? Okay, Rivers was happy to show them now it's done. San Diego drove down for their first opening drive touchdown since Moses crossed the Delaware, bringing smiles of astonishment to viewers like me. An opening drive for a TD? Unheard of. An early lead? Amazing!  Give us more! Okay, they did. San Diego quickly picked up a couple of field goals to lead 13-0 when Josh McDaniels's patience ran out on Chris Sims. In three series, Sims gave the ball away, gained -1 yards, and gained -7 yards, and McDaniels sent him to his room without his supper, figuring that a one-legged Kyle Orton would do better. He did, too. Orton carefully placed his crutches under the bench, hopped out onto the field on one leg, and promptly drove the Broncos down the field to the 1-yard line, where the snake that had been biting Denver all month was waiting to dine on them once again. Orton handed the ball off to Knowshon Moreno, who may have been named when he his father first saw him, and in his drunken state said: "That's no-shon of mine!" Yeah, yeah, I know it's crude, but how else can you explain it? I know I'm going to get hate mail from Africa for THAT little joke. That's okay; I'll send 'em back a sense of humor by return mail. Besides, I'm sure I'm not the first one to make fun of THAT name. Heck, it was probably instrumental in his becoming a professional athlete. Anyway, Moreno went barrelling into the line, twisting this way and that, and as he began to fall into the end zone, the ball came down on Denver guard Russ Hochstein's knee, which caused it to pop out into the end zone like a scalded frog and into the gleefully waiting arms of Chargers linebacker Steven Gregory. That ended the threat and pretty much set the tone for the rest of the game, as nothing Denver tried worked on this day and they tried everything including a surprise onside kick and once even calling on a witch to cast a spell on San Diego rendering them unable to block. Unfortunately for them, that spell had been cast on the Chargers more than a month ago and had now worn off, and the no-block spell antibodies that had been created had prevented them from becoming reinfected once again for this game.

The Denver Broncos, who had been searching for solutions to their collapse for weeks now, came up with none against San Diego, as they had their worst game of the year by far abetted, of course, by San Diego's best game so far this year. Denver has been deteriorating week by week for the past month, while San Diego, having completed a stretch of three weeks against teams with winning records, has just looked better and better each week, with this week culminating in what was their most balanced and complete game of the year. Consider: On the first play of the game, the Chargers were flagged for a 15-yard penalty. It was their last one of the game while Denver was penalized 9 times for 65 yards. At one point, Phillip Rivers completed 11 consecutive passes, finishing 17-of-22 for 145 yards and a touchdown.  San Diego, for the first time this season, was able to run the ball effectively by most any standards, with five different carriers averaging 4.5 yards a pop for a total of 203 yards on the ground. That's no typo, folks. TWO HUNDRED THREE YARDS! Nate Kaeding was perfect on 4 field goal attempts.  Of course, I want to interject here that San Diego's rushing numbers are a bit deceiving, as many of them came after most of the Broncos players had gone home for the day. Not physically, but spiritually. Being behind by four scores in the fourth quarter makes a player look forward to nothing so much as a jacuzzi, and who can blame them? Which reminds me to ask this: Why on Earth, early in the fourth quarter, after San Diego just put themselves ahead by three touchdowns and a field goal, was poor Kyle Orton still playing for Denver? Did he get caught sleeping with the coach's wife, or did head coach Josh McDaniels SERIOUSLY think that Orton, who was unable to muster more than a field goal against San Diego through three quarters, would be able to guide Denver through four unanswered scores in the fourth quarter to pull out a victory? I felt sorry for the poor wounded Orton as he hobbled about gamely trying to make something happen. Nah. That's a lie. I didn't really. But I DO wonder why McDaniels did not use this opportunity to stick Chris Sims back in the game thus garnering him some much needed reps under a game situation with nothing to lose while at the same time protecting Orton and his gimpy wing from further injury. After all, there still IS some season left, even if one DOES have to wonder how it could be possible that this poor sad sack team might turn things around (it was only last month that I was wondering the same thing about San Diego). I mean they still have to play the New York Giants, the undefeated Colts, and the Eagles yet this year. They'd better get their act together quick if they intend to contend after this. Not that I, of course, care if they contend. They can continue their sinkage until all that's left is gurgling bubbles, for all I care.

So now our heroes can come back home to sunny San Diego and await the arrival of the Chiefs who, along with the Raiders, proved the old NFL adage that on any Sunday, any team can beat any other. Kansas City took the defending Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers (who, by the way, consistently tromp Chargers butt) into overtime and then commenced to beating them. Oakland, in the meantime, stunned the 7-3 Cincinatti Bengals, who are actually leading the division that Pittsburgh is in, by scoring 10 points in the final 41 seconds of the game to send a disbelieving Cincinatti team home in numb defeat. So one cannot really afford to get complacent. Any team is dangerous, even these two turkeys. Of course, it seems unlikely we'll get to see the Kansas City game here in San Diego anyway, as they would have to sell 7000 tickets by the end of the week to lift the blackout. Why, you might ask, isn't San Diego selling out their games now that they are hotter than Salma Hayek's butt? I just don't know. I'm sure, however, that it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that the cheapest tickets are $56, hot dogs and nachos are $5, and $8.75 for a Bud Lite. Jeez, I wouldn't pay $8.75 for an entire TRUCKLOAD of Bud Lite! Of course, I am funny that way; I like my beer to have flavor. Oh, did I forget to mention that it costs $25 to park your car? So, let's see....take your girlfriend to the game: 2 tickets for $112. $25 for parking. 2 beers each and a hot dog each comes to $45.00. Total cost: $182.00. And don't forget, for these prices you're so far away from the field that you'll probably have to rent oxygen masks too.  So you can see how that couldn't POSSIBLY be a factor. It's that lousy stadium. Nobody wants to go there. That's why the Chargers are leaving town unless we build them another one. Uh-oh. I'm ranting now.

Notwithstanding Kansas City's astounding victory over Pittsburgh this past week, I fully expect the Chargers to continue their success with a victory over the Chiefs. Of course, maybe I shouldn't be saying things like that. The football fates seem to be more fickle than a nymphomaniac cheerleader at a football player's banquet these days. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. In the meantime I just have this to say: WHEEEEE!!!!