Eagles Fly To San Diego, Get Plucked

I always thought the Philadelphia Flyers were a hockey team, but after watching Donovan McNabb's display of aerial acrobatics this past weekend against the San Diego Chargers, I'm thinking of renaming the Eagles. As a writer, I can wield the infinite power of the written word and do anything I want. That's one of the things I like about it. Actually, Eagles IS quite an apt name for the team, come to think of it, the way they were flying around this stadium, and although the Chargers ultimately prevailed in this game, putting it ALMOST out of reach finally 31-23 with a field goal with 30 seconds left in the game, the air over Qualcomm stadium had so many footballs flying around in it that it resembled a swarm of flies around a horse pile.

San Diego won the toss, and elected to receive the opening kickoff in what I'm beginning to think of as a tactical blunder, being that this team has not scored on their opening possession since Napoleon drove his elephants across the Nile; meaning never.  Well, not EXACTLY never, but it's been so long that it seems that way. With the Chargers not having had a score of ANY kind, much less a touchdown, on their opening drive in something like two years now, and with some of the more savvy teams opting to let San Diego receive the opening kickoff even though San Diego lost the toss, one must wonder at the perspicacity of San Diego electing to receive when winning the coin toss. Our team has what is now turning into a disturbingly long tradition of not scoring much until the second half, but certainy NEVER on the opening drive, so that it seems to this writer that receiving the opening kickoff (thus ensuring that the opponents receive the kickoff to open the second half) is tatamount to conceding the opening drive in both halves. Opposing teams must be absolutely delighted to have San Diego receive the opening kickoff, as it inevitably means that they will have the first opportunity to score, as the Chargers seem to have a great deal of trouble revving up their engines in the first quarter of any game, no matter how dismal the opponent. On this day, however, they at least didn't go 3-and-out, which is their general wont, and got the ball back in good haste, after which they DID drive down for a touchdown to take a rare 7-0 first quarter lead, a happenstance so rare that there's talk of having it bronzed.

The San Diego offense was its usual high powered self in this game, and Phillip Rivers had the most accurate day of his career to date, completing 20-of-25 passes, an 80% completion rate for a pair of touchdowns and no interceptions, while his Eagles counterpart, Donovan McNabb, who has thrown for some 29,000 yards in his career, looked like he might double that figure in this one game. His final total: 35-of-55 for 450 yards (yes, folks thats FOUR HUNDRED FIFTY) and a pair of TDs. It seems that after spending last week chasing after Eli Manning, often scaring the daylights out of him and smashing into the turf five times, San Diego's defensive coordinator decided that McNab, possibly in deference to his possible future hall of fame status, needed no such treatment and he installed what he called the "bend don't break" defense which, for those of us not up on the finer nuances of football parlance, translates to the: "Let that sucker sit back there all day long, if need be, until one or more of his receivers gets open, but don't hassle him; let him throw for 450 yards. It'll look good on his resume" defense.  And that's what they did. I have never quite understood the utility of such a defensive strategy, and now, having seen it succesfully implemented (it was, after all, a win), I still don't understand it. It has always seemed to me that one of the primary goals of the defense is to give the opposing quarterback an opportunity to increase his knowledge of astronomy, and the optimal position for doing that is on his back studying the constellations.  Alas, poor McNabb had no such opportunity, for while he WAS afforded ample time to stargaze if he chose to do so, he would have had to strain his neck uncomfortably to effect his studies, as his only contact with the ground came on a play when he turned to move around and actually tripped over a Charger who was lying thereupon. Thus his celestial knowledge remained static for this game. How sad. So our poor, outnumbered and overmatched defensive linemen found themselves spending most of the day face down in the turf, and had to wait for Mr. McNabb to sack himself,

This was a fine looking display for San Diego's offense. Even LaDainian Tomlinson got into the act, as he had far and away his best day of the season, finishing the day carrying 24 times for 96 yards in what not too awful long ago would have been considered a disappointing effort. Still, his 4 yard average sure beats the heck out of the 1.8 we've been getting uncomfortably used to these days.  When LT went to his locker before the game, there was a little box with a ribbon in there. Inside the box was a positive pregnancy test. Maybe that motivated him, who knows? He still would not have been able to run without somebody blocking. Maybe the linemen each got one, too. So when the Chargers finished the third quarter ahead 28-9, I began to breathe a bit easier, thinking that this game was beginning to look like the San Diego players would end the day with frosting on their shoes from the day's cake walk. But it didn't quite turn out that way. Philadelphia awoke from their doldrums as San Diego's heads began to nod in drowsy complacency, and scored two quick unanswered touchdowns to pull to 28-25, making THIS spectator suddenly feel a bit of queasiness as to the sudden change of wind direction. There was still more than 7 minutes left in the game; plenty of time for anything to happen, especially since in the last 8 minutes the Birds had scored two TDs. The cardiovascular health of Chargers fans everywhere was now in jeopardy, as Philadelphia had already scored 5 times today (3 of them fortunately field goals), and if they should stop San Diego one more time.....well, let's just say I was already anticipating today's column taking a somewhat nasty turn. It's okay to give up 450 yards passing to a team if you win, but if you give up more than FIVE HUNDRED yards passing and then lose, well, you can just imagine the acid that you would be reading right now. Fortunately, you, my faithful electron gazers, are to be spared such vitriol, as Phillip Rivers and his band of merry men trotted out there on that field and orchestrated a drive of such clock-munching magnificence that by the time San Diego kicked a field goal to put them up by a much more palatable 8 points, McNabb only had 30 seconds with which to work, and he was not up to that task. This defense may not have been able to stop the Eagles from driving the length of the field at will, but they COULD prevent them from doing it in less than 30 seconds, praise the Lord.

As if this sweet fourth-victory-in-a-row wasn't enough to make a Chargers fan's day, I had already been rewarded with warm feelings a few hours earlier, when just on a lark I decided to tune in to the Denver-Washington game. I of course figured the outcome of this one was a foregone conclusion, even calling it a "bye" for Denver in my column last week. The Redskins had other ideas, however, and not only did they pound Denver into submission, but gave San Diego the additional lovely parting gift of disabling Denver starting quarterback Kyle Orten in the process. His return for this week's showdown against San Diego is questionable (yeah, RIiiiiiggghht!), and if Denver must field backup Chris "our dreams just came true" Sims against the Chargers, ya gotta love our chances. Sims played the second  half against Washington this week, and he displayed more rust than the wreckage of the Titanic. He was awful. It's always hard to win a game in Denver, but if Orton is out, Denver will likely continue their reeling ways. Speaking of which:

San Diego's last loss was a month ago when Denver sent them down to defeat IN San Diego, 34-23. It elevated Denver's record to 6-0 and dropped San Diego's to 2-3, making the Denver lead 3 1/2 games in the division, a seemingly insurmountable one, considering the way both teams were playing to that point. Since then, however, Denver has not won a game and San Diego has not lost one. Thus, this week's showdown in Denver has momentous significance, as both teams are 6-3, with Denver having lost their last three games and San Diego having won their last four, thus offering nervous Denver fans a queasy feeling of deja vu, as they remember their historic melt down of last season's end. Whoever wins this game will take the lead in the division. But there's more to it than that (isn't there always?) If Denver wins, then San Diego will, I believe, still have a chance for the playoffs as a wild card, but any division hopes will almost certainly be dashed beyond all recognition. If, on the other hand, San Diego wins, they will move into a 1-game lead in the division. But WAIT! There's MORE! Jeez, this reminds me of a Ginzu infomercial. If Denver wins, then they will automatically win the division in the case of these two teams finishing with identical win-loss records by virtue of having beat the Chargers twice. Soooo, I'm recommending with the highest possible emphasis that these boys beat Denver this weekend. Last month I found it hard to find Denver's 6-0 record credible. I found it a bit hard to swallow that they could be that good. On the other hand, I found it hard to swallow that San Diego could be as BAD as they were last month. So now, this coming weekend, a win over Denver could set everything aright once again within the AFC West, with San Diego in first, Denver in second, and Oakland and Kansas city who-cares-where, as God intended. Make it happen, boys, make it happen.