Bleacher Report Goes Down, Workplace Production Increases Forty Percent

Earlier today, the world's best open resource for sports discussion and information experienced server problems, causing the website known as "The Bleacher Report" to be inaccessible to many users. As a result, there was a surge in productivity in workplaces around the country. Some businesses discovered an increase of at least forty percent in their daily output, when compared to a normal workday.

Some frequent contributors to the site were surprised by how much work they could accomplish when they were able to concentrate on what they were doing at the office, and not on what would happen to Cedric Benson now that the Chicago Bears have cut the troubled back.

"It was very liberating," said Elbow Murderpants, writer and commentator on the site. "I must have caught up on every e-mail correspondence I've gotten since last March, and I completed at least nine spreadsheets that were just lying around."

"I guess I didn't realize how much time I was actually wasting on B/R," agreed Greg Adams. "I painted the house, panelled the basement and gave both cars an oil change. It's amazing what you can do when you're not busy typing up the next hilarious article in the Adams arsenal."

Other writers were not so happy. John Fennelly, a major contributor to the site and a top writer, was reportedly seen spray-painting his rantings about Big Brown and some former boxers on a brick wall outside a Chick-Fil-A near the interstate.

Joe Willet was said to be calling the Bleacher Report phones every three minutes trying to find out what was happening and if he could get a bagel to go.

Although the cause of the outage is not known for sure, Bryan Goldberg, the site's technical director, had some ideas.

"Someone spilled their Five Hour Energy drink on the mainframe, and then tried to dry it up with non-dairy coffee creamer. I'm not going to mention any names, but I'm pretty sure it was Zander. It's a good thing I'm making six figures or I would have quit a long time ago."

But all is well, once again. Bleacher Report is running strong and most users are pleased.

And all businesses will suffer.