Dolphins-Jets Preview: "Wiener" Takes All

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

The Jets are 4-3 after blasting the Raiders 38-0 in Oakland while forcing the benching of JaMarcus Russell.

After Mark Sanchez threw five interceptions in the Jets' loss to the Bills, New York kept the offense simple, calling a whopping 54 rushes while passing only 15 times.

"I think that's a gentle way of the offensive coordinator saying, 'We don't have faith in you,'" says Sanchez. "As opposed to the more abrupt manner of saying the same thing, which I experienced while walking along the New Jersey Turnpike, where I was nailed in the noggin with a can tossed by an obviously frustrated Jets fan, who yelled, 'Hey, think fast, Sanchez.'

"Obviously, I don't have to think fast when throwing only 15 times, nor when I'm gobbling a hot dog in the Black Hole. Already I regret doing that, but not nearly as much as I regret actually saying, 'gobbling a hot dog in the Black Hole.'"

Miami nearly pulled off an upset of the undefeated Saints last week, blowing a 24-3 lead before falling 46-34. That loss left the 'Fins with a 2-4 record, good for last in the AFC East. So Sunday's game in the Meadowlands has to be considered a must-win game.

"Before we get a nation of teeny-boppers all aflutter," says Tony Sparano, "let's just clarify this story about 'Mark Sanchez's wiener.' It's a hot dog, folks. If one New York player equates playing the Raiders to a 'scrimmage,' then it's perfectly fine for another New York player to enjoy a frank during another Oakland destruction.

"Heck, this isn't a first for a Jet quarterback. Joe Namath tried to enjoy a foot-long on the sidelines before, but Suze Kolber would have no part of it. She obviously didn't want to go 'all the way.'"

With a 31-27 loss to the Dolphins in Week Five still fresh in their minds, vengeance is in the heads of the Jets. Revenge won't come unless New York can find a solution to stopping Miami's "wildcat" offense, which baffled them earlier.

Maybe the answer is giving the Dolphins a taste of their own medicine, though. Rex Ryan may be a defensive genius, but he's got some offensive ideas up his sleeve as well, like the "public option," a variation of the wishbone that gives Sanchez four options, none involving a pass.

New York wins, 22-20.