This Is Not a Joke: Mark McGwire Named Cardinals' Hitting Coach

Before there was Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, and Manny Ramirez, Mark McGwire was the poster boy for steroids in baseball.

McGwire transformed himself from a tall, lanky rookie into baseball’s version of the incredible hulk in just a few short years.

McGwire was fortunate enough to play during MLB’s "Don’t ask, don’t tell" era, otherwise the 70 home runs he hit during 1998—now known as "The year of the steroid"—might never have happened.

It’s a good thing that Barry Bonds came along and hit 73 home runs in 2001, otherwise we’d have a steroid user holding one of the most sacred records in a game that is considered to be our national past time.

Just yesterday, McGwire taught all steroid era players a lesson on how to emerge from exile.

Simply keep your mouth shut, disappear for a few years, and then they’ll allow you back as a coach.

Yup, that’s right, a coach.

McGwire was named the St. Louis Cardinals’ new hitting coach yesterday afternoon during a press conference held by Tony LaRussa.  

What would you have given to have been a fly on the wall during McGwire’s interview for the job?

Cardinals’ front office: “Mr. McGwire, could you explain how your stats improved so much in the late 90’s and what advice you give to our younger players who are also looking to improve?”

McGwire: “Sure.  Well in the mid-90’s I started experimenting with any form of performance enhancing drug I could get my hands on. This allowed me to significantly bulk up and all those warning track fly balls I hit in the late 80’s and early 90’s were now going out of the park.  Testing for PEDS is far more stringent these days, but I’m sure we could figure something out for our younger players”.

It’s going to take decades for baseball to fully get over the despicable actions taken by the games biggest stars over the past 10-15 years. 

We’d be kidding ourselves if we thought otherwise.

However, MLB finally appears to be moving in the right direction in their attempt to fully eliminate steroids from the game.  Testing is more widespread, and penalties for testing positive for PEDS are far more severe.

Sports writers even seem reluctant to allow players who openly admitted using steroids during their careers entrance into the Hall of Fame.

McGwire isn’t banned from the game—he’s not Pete Rose or anything—so his appointment as the Cardinals’ new hitting coach is not violating any rules.

However, I’m no PR expert, but I’m thinking that now might not be the best time to name Mark McGwire as the St. Louis Cardinals’ new hitting coach.  

Forgiveness is always a good thing. But, sometimes it’s not prudent to forget…at least not just yet.