Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
Two weeks ago, Chargers general manager A.J. Smith called his team "soft," a statement that served as both a challenge and an accusation. In Monday night's 34-23 loss to AFC West rival Denver, San Diego did nothing to prove Smith wrong.
The Broncos are still undefeated and the Chargers, at 2-3, face a steep, uphill climb to get back into the division race.
"Hey, somebody had to have the 'Norv' to call this team out," says Smith. "We were atrocious in all phases of the game, including special teams. They say lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place, but apparently Eddie Royal does.
"Anyway, there's no point crying over spilled milk now. Why? Because the Chargers are crying over another dairy product, ice cream, because they got 'soft-served' by the Broncos."
The 1-5 Chiefs are as hot as a 1-5 team can be after Indian-giving the Redskins a 14-6 loss that not only sent scalps flying, but will also likely send heads rolling in Washington. A win over the Chargers would likely have a similar effect in San Diego.
"Hey, we're used to the play in Kansas City getting Chiefs coaches fired," says Larry Johnson, "but now it's resulting in opposing coaches getting fired. I guess turnabout is fair play."
The Chargers troubles start with their lines—offensively, they're not protecting Philip Rivers. Defensively, there's no pressure on the opposing quarterback. The only person linebacker Shawne Merriman has roughed up this year is Tila Tequila. With their season fading fast, there's probably only one word Turner can say to encourage his team to play hard for the remainder of the year. That word? "Pride?" No, "wild card."
San Diego wins, 23-19.