A Kansas Jayhawk Fan Forever

I sat down today in front of my trusty PS2, popped in NCAA Football 2006 (sadly, the most recent of my available options), and ran a quick-play of KU against Colorado on the junior varsity setting.

It felt good to avenge the Jayhawks, to win big, and most of all to be in control.

That control factor and sense of complete personal achievement are the biggest reasons I love playing NCAA Football 2006, and are what make all video games great.

Conversely (and ironically), it is the lack of any such abilities and feelings that make real football so beautiful as well.

Seeing that football pop off of some defensive back's helmet and out of Dezmon Briscoe's sure grip was nothing short of agony. Those painful moments during which my eyes remained glued to the TV screen waiting for another receiver, a flag, or even a miracle strangled every breath of air from my lungs.

Even today, two days later, I still look back to Saturday evening and can hardly believe what happened. I still wonder what part of my pre-game ritual went wrong, or if I'm somehow being duped.

Sooner, or later though, I will finally have to realize that there is absolutely nothing I can do, right?  I am only a fan, after all; I could put every square millimeter of my heart and soul into a silly television set to absolutely no avail.

As silly as it sounds, I will give every little thing I've got from 30 rows up in the student section next Saturday, too.  I know for a fact that presenting the very essence of my being at the contest will do absolutely no good, but I plan to do it anyway.

In fact, I plan to be an even better fan than I was last week, because deep down inside the empty caverns of my enlarged cranium I firmly believe that the Jayhawks not only want, but need that support. 

We may lose that game, and every other game for the remainder of the season, undershoot a bowl berth, and be dubbed the greatest disappointment in college football, but that won't stop me from watching.

Naturally, I'm still sorely pissed at Dan Hawkins for playing an actual quarterback, at Mark Mangino for not trying to fix the defense sooner, at the Jayhawks for simply not playing to potential, and at that defender for putting his fat ugly head in front of Dezmon Briscoe.  It's unlikely that I'll readily forgive any of the afore-mentioned parties any time soon.

However, that game was among the greatest I've ever watched. It was action packed, full of big hits, crippling penalties, come-backs, and ended in the most dramatic fashion possible.

People tried to tell me not to be upset at the loss because football is only a game. 

If football is really just a game, how did it manage to nearly squeeze the life from my chest?

Football may only be a game and the Jayhawks just a team , but they just so happen to be my favorite team playing my favorite game, and I'll be damned if I'll ever mature enough to quit taking football too seriously.

KU may have lost, but that game was the picture-perfect example of why I watch football, and the thought of that game is what will have me drooling until this Saturday as well.

So lets go Jayhawks!  You may not beat Colorado by 100-plus points anytime soon, but if I wanted to see that I'd just go flip my favorite console on again and do it myself.

I'd much rather blindly place all of my faith in 80 or so young athletes I've never met and trust that they'll give me all of their effort on every single play, no matter what their record looks like or who they're playing against.

It's much more exciting that way, and always keeps me coming back.

Hopefully in the midst of all these prized ideals of healthy competition and true joy, Mark Mangino and company can still find a way to romp all over OU in Memorial Stadium for once. 

That would be a great bonus.