Titans Vs Patriots Preview: Looking Out For No. 12

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

The 0-5 Titans couldn't even score a touchdown last week against the Colts, while the Patriots were just as bad in the second half in mile-high Denver last week, as Tom Brady and the vaunted New England offense couldn't even put a point on the board. For two teams that many predicted to challenge atop the AFC, there are many doubts afloat about each, despite their disparate records.

"Hey, what do Tom Brady and Vince Young have in common?" says Jeff Fisher. "Neither wants to quarterback the Titans.”

Now, as the co-chairman of the league's competition committee, I'll make sure we take a look at the rules protecting quarterbacks and re-train our officials if necessary. As the NBA lockout has shown, NBA referees are looking out for number one. Recent incidents have indicated that NFL officials may be looking out for No. 12.

"Incidentally, Brady and Giselle Bundchen are considering names for their child. If it's a girl, I'm told that Brady wants to name her either 'Prima Donna' or 'Bridget Moynahan.'"

In New England, Bill Belichick wants more from his defense, especially after the Patriots defense allowed the Broncos to effortlessly move for the game-tying and game-winning scores last Sunday. To assist with that endeavor, the Patriots have signed linebacker Junior Seau.

"Junior can do a lot for this team," says Belichick. "He's got a wealth of experience and leadership, but I think his most likely contribution will be raising the average age of this team by at least a year."

So, Belichick wants to see more out of his defense? Well, I'm guessing the defense wants to see more out of the offense. That means you, Tom Brady. And you, Randy Moss. If mooning fans, squirting officials, and leaving the field early will help you produce more, then by all means, do those things.

New England wins, 29-27.

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