The Terrible Ten Of College Football: Week Six

1] Illinois [1-4]

Ron Zook pulled the plug on his Me and Eddie McGee show at half time and let the Juice go on the loose.

But that was still a song, song blue since the Juice has gone flat and Zook has lost his zap.

When The Music's Over might be the next song selection for Zook.

2] Rice [0-6]

The Navy completed only two passes on Rice but alas for the Owls the Midshipman still scored 62 points.

The Navy has not had such a large margin of victory since Midway.

3] New Mexico [0-6]

In his bye week loco Lobo Mike Locksley has been sending feelers out to Oakland Raider Head  Tom "I'll f***** kill you" Cable about forming a traveling pro wrestling tag team, comedy act, or strong arm collection agency.

Roll, road dogs, roll.

4] Florida State [2-4] 

It's quick ride from legend to leper.

Ask Al Davis or Bobby Bowden as the villagers, former fans, and trustees chase them around with sickles and torches like football Frankensteins.

Bobby Bowden is suddenly, and savagely, a bugbear?

Bowden a bugbear, some Seminoles sure have no mercy.

5] Ball State [0-6] 

Things are very bleak for old Ball when the Temple Owls outlasted the team but at least alum Dirty Dave Letterman can't crack Ball State jokes this time

Maybe he can, but Ball, you give 'em right back to the bad, bad Ball boy.

6] Washington State [1-5]

Ex Washington Huskie head man Tyrone Willingham wants the State job. He's confident he can make that one win go away.

7] Florida Atlantic [0-4]

Howard Schnellenberger's Owls needed snow plows and state troopers to make it to the Wyoming stadium. 

The ice, sleet, and snow must have made the head old Owl wish he never left the sunny slopes of Miami of long ago.

8] Western Kentucky [0-5]

After being battered by Florida international the Hilltoppers have circled Turkey Day weekend to battle Florida Atlantic for the bottom of the Sun Belt.

The Bottom of the Belt Bowl should be a barn burner.

9] Purdue [1-5]

Sometimes it seems like the last season of Joe Tiller never ended.

Will this one ever end?

10] Tie

Colorado [1-4]

Where will the Colorado Cody and Dan Hawkins show go next season after its cancelled in Colorado?

Maryland [2-4]

In an effort to motivate his muddled Maryland players against the suddenly vicious Virginia Cavaliers coach Ralph Friedgen buried himself up to his head at midfield and mumbled like crazed Colonel Kurtz from Apocalypse Now:

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving.

We think he was either referring to the Terps offensive output or the bad feeling of being on the firing seat.

Or maybe he just meant an escargot special next door.

Idle: California [3-2]

After giving up 72 points in the past two weeks the Golden Bears stiffened against idle and only gave up three touchdowns.

Expect UCLA to get them back in their Golden Bear groove of giving up 36 points a game.

Special Mention: Penn State [4-1]

Say ya didn't schedule it so Joe?

So Syracuse was good when the schedule was made out but what's with Akron, Temple, Eastern Illinois, Coastal Carolina, and their ilk every year?

Sure the money's good but how about a match up that makes your squad better so they do not play dead against Iowa every year?

How about an early season annual SEC match against Alabama or Georgia? How about some early matches with old Eastern foes like Boston College, West Virginia, Virginia Tech, and, most of all, Pittsburgh.

Penn State and Pitt not playing is a black mark on the sport.

But then again so is Ron Zooks offense.

Resting

Utah State  1-4

Show me the way to San Jose State  1-4

The Mean Green  1-4

Eastern Michigan  0-5

Akron almost Zipped  1-4

Miami stuck in Ohio; but still better then the boring Cleveland Browns  0-6

Vanderbilt  2-4

Notre Dame  4-1; Kasper Gutman come home!

Butch Davis 0-2 [In games that mattered]

And cheers to:

Joe Don Looney; Whose old schools, Texas and Oklahoma, play in the Red River rivalry this Saturday.   

Maybe they should call it the Looney Bowl?