Packers-Vikings Live Diary

In Bristol, CT, Monday night around midnight, an ESPN network executive or twenty got the Gatorade shower. Or maybe it was champagne. In any event, even if no fine Italian threads were ruined in a bath of the bubbly, the Dom Pérignon was flowing and the suits over at the worldwide leader had to be smiling and rubbing their bejeweled hands together after watching that Monday Night Football game.

After all, just like they predicted, it was an instant, inimitable classic and an unforgettable sporting event. Brett Favre’s first-ever game against his former Green Bay Packers since joining their most loathsome rival, the Minnesota Vikings, was more ballyhooed (is that a word?) than Apollo 11. And indeed, the game became one small step for Brett Favre’s quest to utterly revenge Ted Thompson, one giant leap for the media’s ability to pummel the public into submission through relentless over-coverage.

It was over-hyped to the point of insanity, and I figured there was no way it could live up to its stratospheric billing. Thought there was no way an almost 40-year-old Favre, playing in an offense that made his primary job handing the ball off, could play the kind of game that would justify the ludicrous attention he was getting. But he did.

The game was fantastically compelling and mesmerizing, the kind of thing you couldn’t stop watching and sprinted to the bathroom so you wouldn’t miss anything. It truly was a great football game. The only problem was that it completed vindicated the absurd hoopla (I swear that’s my last 19th century colloquialism) with which mass media, especially ESPN, surrounded it, and that sets a very frightening precedent for the future.

If you were a living person not in a coma in America, you heard, read, and knew all too well about the October 5th Favre vs. Packers game. If you lived in Wisconsin—which I do, but thankfully not right now—you couldn’t escape it if you wanted, and most people really, really wanted to. The game was previewed and covered gratuitously in the national media, but in Wisconsin, especially, people were bombarded mercilessly.

It got to the point that my Dad told me he purposely didn’t watch the game, which the Vikings won 30-23, because he was so fed up and exhausted by all the buildup. I don’t think he was alone.

Sadly, decent, cheddar-loving Wisconsin folk, who have had to endure the Brett Favre odyssey (I refuse to use the media’s chosen word “saga,” which connotes heroism) these past two years, were force-fed still more torture watching Favre conjure up his MVP days and singlehandedly defeat the Packers. He looked better than I’ve seen him play in a decade. His decisions were good, his passes looked like they were going about 110-mph and he even had some of those “only Brett Favre can make that throw” completions that make Chris Mortensen react like a 12-year-old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert (even though something tells me neither 12-year-olds or girls are exactly the Jonas Bros’ type…).

I watched the Packers-Vikings Monday Night Football game from my desk at work because I don’t have a TV in my apartment. I kept a live journal of my thoughts throughout the game, though it wanes around the fourth quarter when I spent more time typing obscenities to my friends on G-chat who, like me, are Packers fans, rather than watching the game.

Pregame show: The name “Brett Favre” was just said five times in the course of six words by Stuart Scott and his affable pregame ‘mates. Now that’s what I call setting the tone early. If you were a baby born during this pregame show, you would need only to hear four seconds of the broadcast to have an unnecessarily full understanding of what was going on. A text exchange between me and a friend:

Me: Hey, did you hear the news? Apparently some guy named Brett Favre is playing a football game or something tonight.

Him: Wait, are you sure?

Me: Actually I’m not sure, I’ve been out of the news cycle a little bit.

Him: Well I haven’t heard anything about it.

Irony is funny.

Brad Childress, addressing the Vikings before the game, wins the award for the best attempt to rephrase a basic sports cliché by incorporating fractions: “This game is just 1/16 of the season.” And for some reason ESPN decided to report on this and show the quote on the screen, as though it was some sage piece of wisdom that differed somehow from saying “it’s just one game in a 16-game season.” But even as I thought about how inane of a statement it is, I could picture clear as day Visanthe Shiancoe nodding enthusiastically and repeating to himself “just 1/16, just 1/16.”

Suzy Kolber reporting from the sideline. I’m sorry, I know it’s chauvinistic to say but if I’m a 60-year-old Joe Namath, drunk off my ass on national TV, then yeah, I’m going in for the kiss on Kolber, too. Am I the only one being honest here?

Melodramatic piano music playing as the second Brett Favre montage plays.

Wait a minute, ESPN, let me get this straight: Aaron Rodgers…is under pressure? What kind? Is it a lot? I don’t understand.

Stuart Scott in one of the moments that made me exclaim resentfully, out loud, at the TV: “Alright we’ve talked about Brett…”

Call me crazy but I think Woodson and Harris are going to be at their lockdown best tonight. I feel like they were both friends, or as close as you can be, with Favre and they want to beat him bad. Plus the Vikings receivers aren’t anything to write home about.

Cullen Jenkins might literally kill Favre tonight. You know that an arrogant, hundred-million dollar superstar like Favre, who didn’t really care about most of the guys he played with absolutely didn’t give a damn about somebody like Jenkins, who was still just a role player when Favre left. I feel like Jenkins is going to recall some memory of Favre forgetting his name or mistaking him for an equipment manager and tossing his jock at him the way Adam Sandler imagined the opposing quarterback dissing water to psyche himself up to annihilate them. If I’m Brett Favre and I know I have to play Cullen Jenkins twice this season in emotionally charged games and I know he’s already got two sacks and two forced fumbles, and I remember a time when I may have offended him…I’m sending an apologetic fruit basket or Range Rover.

Out of all eight pregame show analysts, only Steve Young picked the Packers to win. Not a good sign. But on the other hand, two encouraging things arise from those predictions: First, as a friend pointed out, Young is probably “the only person on ESPN Monday Night Countdown that can make an educated pick; and even more heartening, former Lions general massacrer Matt Millen picked the Vikings. That basically assures a Packers victory. I don’t even know if I need to watch the game now.

Wow, Wisconsin is the only state picking the Packers to win this game. It’s weird, I’m approaching this game with an inexplicable certainty that Green Bay is going to win. The defense is going to pressure Favre and force turnovers, which we’ve been doing at an unparalleled rate the past two years. Then again, 70 percent of ESPN poll respondents are picking the Vikings and when has the American public majority ever been wrong about something when they vote on it en masse (looking at you 2004 Bush voters). 

I really miss Emmitt Smith. He would’ve defused this high-pressure atmosphere with one of his patented endearingly—and hilariously—wrong verbal blunders. (Speaking of, has Matt Cassell undergone his “rice of passage” yet?)

Another gem from my friend regarding Millen: “I'm pretty sure Matt Millen’s life is like that Skittles commercial where everything he touches turns to Skittles... and by Skittles I mean shitty and completely ruined.”

Mortenson says Aaron Rodgers is “playing with a chip on his shoulder.” I think these days it’s more like an RPG on his shoulder.

I wish every time they mentioned Brett Favre they showed his wife Deanna. I wish Chris Mortenson could broadcast my life with his trademark intonation.

It’s indescribably cool to me how nonchalant and indifferent-seeming Rodgers is about all the Favre stuff. He just seems so above it all.

When is Monday Night Football going to get someone to do the MNF song who doesn’t: A). Suck, or B). Make no sense to sing a football game hype-up song?

Rodgers and Favre shook hands cordially. That really speaks to Rodgers’ character because he would have been completely justified in punching Favre in the gut right there.

Kickoff. Now we see whether this game becomes the most anti-climactic and unfulfilling football game ever or just top-three.

I just looked at the starting offensive line. No Clifton? Barbre still starting? This line is going to get wrecked.

Love the check-down for 13 yards. That’s going to be Rodger’s best friend for beating the Vikings’ pass rush.

“Go Vikes Kill the Pack” painted on the chest of a guy who probably has lots of animal heads on his wall, considers taxidermy a science, and was definitely really upset about Obama’s assault rifle ban.

I still can’t get over the fact that Allen Barbre is white. He was always described as “raw,” “athletic” and “a project.” When was the last time a white guy was described like that?

Rodgers is making great throws—strong, tight spirals. More importantly, he looks quick and decisive, a must against this defensive line and a big change from last year.

Screw Minnesota. That state needs to go. Thanks to their distinct state labor laws that supersede federal law, the Williams monsters are able to indefinitely stave off their suspension for using a banned substance.

Jermichael Finley!! Great catch and YAC. He’s going to be Antonio Gates in two years. Mark my words. Mark them!

Rodgers mauled by Jared Allen, causing a fumble. Obscenities abound.

Vikings have run four plays already and Brandon Chillar hasn’t decapitated anyone yet. What gives? Still, he’s going to do something jaw-dropping tonight.

I’m predicting this right now: Derrick Martin, who the Packers traded for on final cut day after releasing the perfectly good backup safety we had all of camp who knew the playbook like the back of his hand, is starting tonight and I guarantee he gets burned for at least one big play. Hopefully it’s just not a touchdown.

There are no words for Brad Childress’ beard that do it justice. I’ll just say I’m really happy for him and his wife because when you’re bald and you make the decision to grow that beard, it means you don’t care what other women think about you. That’s called the “F**k it Beard.”

Touchdown Vikings. Great throw from Favre. Damn you and your third leg, Visanthe Shiancoe!

JERMICHAEL FINLEY TOUCHDOWN!! I told you—Antonio Gates. Two years. Take it to the bank. Great throw. I hate to say it, but that Rodgers throw was vintage Favre. Creating something out of nothing, buying time with his feet and having innate pocket presence, perfectly thrown deep ball. Finley has all the tools to be great.

What is Drinkability?! What does it mean, when will Budweiser tell us? Is Emmitt Smith in charge of Bud Light ad campaigns now?

I’ve never had a parfait before. I’m eating my first one right now and I don’t think John Madden would approve. I wonder how many whole chickens he’s eating right now.

The parfait is awful. Totally unsweetened, no taste. I don’t feel like any of those jubilant people eating parfaits look in the McDonald’s commercials.

Jennings just caught a ball an inch off the ground that deflected off Driver’s hands and bounced off a Vikings’ player’s knee. Jennings always watches out for his fantasy owners.

Dammit, Rodgers picked off. That was also very vintage Favre.

Alright, I’ll do it. I’ll go to godaddy.com. Now, that’s an ad campaign that makes sense.

I’m watching this game at my office because I don’t have a TV in my apartment. I also have no dinner. I am limited to coffee and vending room snacks and have $2. The obvious choice was the Snickers. The sleeper/surprise pick to some people might be the Ritz Bits with Cheese. But not to me. I don’t care what anyone says, I will always take the Ritz Bitz with Cheese. Peanut butter? No way.

I hate to say it but Favre looks good. His passes look as strong and accurate as anyone in the league…aannd, touchdown. I love Rodgers, but No. 4 can still play and Thompson is a garbage talent evaluator if he really didn’t think so.

O-line really showing its weaknesses now. Or the Vikings D-line is showing why it’s arguably the best in the league. Backfield is pandemonium and Rodgers has no time or space with which to work.

Clay Mathews strips Peterson, runs it back for a TD! Could be a huge momentum changer. If I was a high-paid ESPN football analyst I’d say something like “Clay Mathews is just a football player. He did everything right on that play.” He might be a football player but what is with Mathews and A.J. Hawk looking like Herbal Essences shampoo models? Especially Mathews, get a haircut Fabio.

Packers haven’t hit Favre once. He’s playing like completely carefree and relaxed back there. And he’s completing 10-20 yard passes easily because of it.

More big plays. Favre looks like he’s wearing the red no-contact jersey in practice and playing against the scout team right now.

Woodson made a spectacular interception in the end zone, but they called him for minor holding on an interference call. It was borderline and if this game is against any quarterback not named Brett Favre it doesn’t get called.

Colledge doesn’t have the physical tools, but more importantly the technique, to play against Jared Allen and his speed.

We miss Clifton in this game bad. Rodgers has great awareness and looks good getting out of the pocket and making plays downfield. Still though, if he has to scramble on every pass play he’s in for a long night.

Does Tom Jackson still do the segment “Jacked Up!”? If so, I would really like to see Jared Allen get Jacked Up!

Vikings are putting on a clinic right now. It looks like a 7-7 no lineman drill; he had seven seconds to make that last throw and is shredding our secondary. Where the hell is the Favre who throws dumb interceptions and drives coaches and fans crazy with his gunslinger-ness? He’s like Benjamin Button, this is maddening!

Touchdown Minnesota. It looks like Derrick Martin screwed up on the coverage. Called that one.

PENALTIES PENALTIES PENALTIES!!!! (That’s what Herm Edwards would say at a post-game press conference after the game.)

The big difference in this game is the amount of protection Rodgers is getting versus Favre. A-Rod is getting very little, but even when he does have a lot of time to throw the Packers are only getting 5-7 yard completions out of it, instead of 20-yard plays like the Vikings. Charles Woodson and Donald Driver both say Rodgers would be best QB in the league if we could protect him. If only we could.

Donald Driver is my favorite football player. I don’t know if he’s ever let me down or frustrated me, and he always seems to do the right thing. As an eloquent football analyst might say, “He just makes plays. He just plays football.” Quite.

Ryan Grant runs too upright. Even when he catches the ball with space, he doesn’t look agile or quick. Guys like Peterson or Tomlinson or Jones-Drew look shifty and nimble and make guys miss tackles. Grant doesn’t make defenders miss.

I don’t have any confidence in our ability to score at the goal line here. Chad Greenway makes a great last-second, saving tackle of Kuhn at the goal line. Complete a pass for a loss of yards. We better not go for it. Take the field goal.

Shit, they’re going for it. I have a bad feeling this is going to kill any momentum. Great protection, great pass, Donald Lee wide open in the end zone…and dropped between his legs. Finley should be getting those snaps.

Classic Favre going for it long on first down deep in his own half.

Packers back on offense. Rodgers back on the ground. Another offensive lineman hurt. Our offensive line is in shambles. The first year McCarthy didn’t make the O-linemen play multiple positions (to be versatile) is the year where we need it.

What the hell is Rodgers doing?! He looked like Sanchez in the end zone. Jared Allen is dismantling our line and wreaking havoc on Rodgers.

Packers are challenging the ruling so that they can only give up two points and the ball for a safety.

Minnesota playing on another level than Green Bay. It’s a team that, now that they’ve got some offensive rhythm and their receivers are getting on the same page as Favre and finally catching some passes, really has no holes. Running back is phenomenal and O-line can shut the pass rush down completely; D-line is a game-changing force and secondary is solid enough.

This Packers drive looks a lot better, but they aren’t well drawn-up plays. The protection has been terrible, so Rodgers is creating something out of nothing and our receivers are making things happen and running after the catch.

Does Chris Mortenson have a thesaurus open while he calls games? Wow.

Great underrated play by Sidney Rice going up to catch the onside kick over Tramon Williams. That man has guile.

Jared Allen’s first step is so quick. I’m sick of announcers referring to white guy’s as just being “high motor” guys and big effort players who are successful because they work hard and are in great shape. Jared Allen is as good an athlete as any defensive end out there. His first step is so quick that he looks like he’s taking two because he’s already taking his second one when the offensive tackle starts moving.

Rodgers looks great in the two minute. He looks confident, smart, quick and decisive. Making good throws and receivers are playing smart, as well. Another sack for Allen?! Can we get a restraining order against that guy? Field goal good. One possession game. We have to recover this onside kick. Sidney Rice makes another amazing catch in traffic on the kick. Game over. Is Brett going to cry in the postgame interview again? Please don’t…

The Packers deserved to lose this game. Favre, Allen and the Vikings had unbelievable games. For once, all the Favre attention and hype was justified—he played one of the best games of his career. Except the media mania, I think everything will be different in the rematch next month in Green Bay. Packers 34-Vikings 17.