Fantasy Football Freefall: Felonious Frenzy

So you thought the Buffalo Bills would be big and Marshawn Lynch would be a monster?

In the blink of a Bills eye think again.

The promising player's car was involved in a Hit and Run in which a bystander was injured. No Marshawn? Did he crash and dash? If he fled the scene its a felony and its hello fast Freddie Jackson his free agent back up.

The Bills looked liked a sleeper team, quietly improving through the draft but the status of the star throws the whole offense into turmoil.

A Big Denver Bronco Bye Bye to Travis Henry...hello sleeping star Selvin Young. Young had a few good games in spots last year, and behind that Bronco blocking scheme could be a star steal. 

Don't ya Tell Henry The Band once sang, but the support folks are going to him anyway as horny Henry has nine kiddies to nine different mommas and is back on support. And a back facing a suspension for any violations of his league monitored drug tests....So it might be bye bye from the Big leagues for Travis. Best practice Oh Canada!

Sleepy running Cedric Benson also was busted for boating with too many beers in his belly. Benson denies this. Ricky Williams said if he was with the Bears back he would have kept things calm. Likely with some Bob Marley tunes and some good smokes.

But Benson has bigger problems with the Chicago Bears. Namely he runs like he is under the influence of good smoke. Rasta Runner Rashaan Salaam used to actually do that while playing for the Bears.

Look for Adrian Peterson and Rookie Matt Forte to steal most of Benson's carries, whether he is innocent or guilty. Benson's burst and blocking are lacking. The coddled ex Texas star is heading to the post Payton scrap pile filled with Curtis Enis, Brad Muster, Salaam, and the other busts.

Can't Tom Jones come back to the green, green, grass of home?

Avoid any Bear offensive player as in the words of one unnamed NFL scout they have assembled "the worst collection of offense talent on any team in recent history."

Amen Brother Bears! Here comes the Rex and Kyle Traveling Air Show.

Marvelous Marvin Harrison's shaky knees and pistol finger makes his status uncertain. But he is aging, the Indianapolis Colts plug in players, and Killadelphia, er I mean Philadelphia, has so many murders of late that a mere wounding by an unknown assailant matters little to the over worked Police.

But Marvin has been hurt and in slow decline...a potential off season felony in the City of Brotherly Love obviously doesn't help his situation.

Ex Cincinnati Bengal Chris Henry patiently sits house arrested awaiting a call to make his comeback. Al Davis ring ring ring? Does Dan Snyder want the hassle? Does the league want the spectacle of a house arrested player shuttling back and forth?

Whats with West Virginia Mountaineers anyway, assembling Henry and Pac Man Jones on the same team? Tennessee Titan Coach Jeff Fisher will never play Pac Man again, but he has bigger problems with an angst filled millionaire man child quarterback who seemingly can not complete simple passes.

Vince Young is not a felon but he seems depressed. Another miserable 24 year old multimillionaire threatening retirement because the game isn't fun anymore. Poor dear. The day the fun stopped. Black old sun bothering Young. Throwing a decent post seems to be bothering him also.

Not many folks will draft Young high in Fantasy Football due to his lack of touchdowns and passing yards. Spoiled, glumness, woe is me warbling won't help him nor the Titans.

Its only June. During the long, hot summer, felonies loom. Coaches cry doom. Players pistols go boom. Wide Receivers act like loons. Careers end too soon. While watching the crime reports I shall keep ye steeped in the sordid details.

Its a vile job being mired in the bile but damn it someone has to do it.

Now write down Selvin Young....and hope he's not a Rocky Mountain Pistol Packing Player.