Jason Giambi Holding the Golden Ticket to Improve Cleveland Hitting?

Recently Jason Giambi confessed that wearing a gold thong was helpful for breaking out of a hitting slump. 

As bad as the Cleveland Indians' bats have been, I think manager Eric Wedge (the perfect name for a manager carrying out the instructions of what I am about to propose) should load Indians hitters on a bus, skip batting practice, and head to a Victoria’s Secret.

There, each player will be required to pick out (no pun intended) the thong of his choosing, and he’ll have to wear the damn thing until the slump has ended.

If wearing a woman’s thong in the locker room doesn’t embarrass someone into a hitting streak, then spending thirty bucks on one pair of underwear definitely would.

Two players should be granted permission to skip the “”field trip”— Victor Martinez and Ben Francisco. 

Since both are hitting over .300 they will not be put on “double Victoria’s Secret” probation, and be allowed the liberty of giving an “Eric Wedge” to any player returning to the dugout after an 0-fer batting appearance for the night. 

Now that is some hard line coaching.

Two hits in a row?  You are granted thong relief for the rest of the game. 

Raise your batting average to over .275?  You get temporary immunity. 

Get into the .290’s?  Earn a “Get-Out-of-Thong Free” card for a week. 

Finally, anything over .300 and no more strings attached, literally, plus you join the ranks of the “Eric Wedge” passer outers.

While no self-respecting male would ever condone such a torture, drastic times call for drastic measures.

The biggest downside here is while hitting may increase, expectations would diminish for base stealing, unless of course, like removing the protective shin guard and batting glove after hitting, dudes would change into appropriate running underwear at first.

After all, who’s going to slide into second and risk giving up their right to procreate? 

Hopefully, camera personnel would not subject TV viewers to the equipment changes.