NASCAR at Charlotte 2016: Winners and Losers from the Sprint All-Star Race

Disclaimer: This little slider will not—repeat, will not—clear up anything you saw last night/this morning during the Sprint All-Star Race.

“The theater of the absurd continues,” said FS1’s Chris Myers while drawing the inversion numbers.

There were missed mandatory pit stops, one giant wreck and no wave arounds—then some wave arounds. Somewhere in that whole mess was Joey Logano on four fresh tires running down Kyle Larson, who also had four fresh Goodyears, to win his (Logano’s) first All-Star Race.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. said over the radio during the FS1 broadcast, “This reminds me of what it was like driving a remote-control helicopter for the first time. I didn’t know what’s going on.”

By the end of the race, far too many neurons had been used, like all the acetylcholine was burned out.

Jenna Fryer, NASCAR writer for the Associated Press, tweeted, “I like this race. It was something different.”

That it was.

All five lugs are tight. Read on for winners and losers from the Sprint All-Star Race.

Loser: Failing to Pit Under Green

Gerry Broome/Associated Press

What was the No. 20 team thinking?

With four laps to go in Segment 1 (thanks go out to Jamie McMurray’s cut right-rear tire), the yellow flag came out.

No big deal, except Matt Kenseth failed to pit under green, per the rules. He had to go a lap down, start from the rear and he couldn’t change tires while being held back.

So, actually, it was a big deal after all.

Another question for this team: Where’s the communication? Earlier in the season Kenseth missed a black flag with a cross on it. That killed his chances in Atlanta. Kenseth pleaded to tell him what to do.

In this instance, the gaffe cost him a chance at $1 million, and his car got smashed up in Segment 2.

A race to forget for Kenseth.

Winner: The Tony Stewart Interview

Chuck Burton/Associated Press

So after Tony Stewart got wrecked out of the All-Star Race, it was a no-brainer everyone was going to hear an earful when he got to the microphone.

Wait for it… Wait for it…

"I'm as baffled as anybody,” he said during the FS1 broadcast. “It's the most screwed-up All-Star Race I've ever been a part of."

There he is!

His car was all kinds of beat up—as in "done for the day" beat up—and he continued to rip Roger Federer-esque forehands at the powers that be.

"I'm alright,” he said. “I'm just madder than hell because I don't understand how they've officiated this thing from start to finish."

Stewart then added that he’s glad this is his final All-Star Race.

We’ll miss you, Smoke.

Loser: The Race Itself

Gerry Broome/Associated Press

On paper, the new rules for the All-Star Race looked promising, but the overwhelming sound across NASCAR Nation was fingernails scratching heads.

Mike Joy, Jeff Gordon and Darrell Waltrip volleyed around words, but no one had any idea what was going on.

Clint Bowyer, sitting at home, tweeted, “TV can't even figure out what is going on. Sure hope this all forms some sort of crazy six-wide finish...or something!!!”

According to a tweet by Dustin Long of NBC Sports, Tony Stewart said over the radio, “I think this is the biggest f--king bulls--t deal they've ever pulled."

Per Nate Ryan of NBC Sports, Stuart also said, “This makes no f--king sense to me where we're supposed to be right now, lap down and lead-lap cars."

Well, shoot.

Explaining the Electoral College takes fewer neurons than what was happening in the All-Star Race.

NASCAR isn’t supposed to rack the brain. In fact, it’s designed, what with the cheap-beer-swilling culture of the sport, to assassinate brain cells. So this was like juggling chainsaws while taking the SAT. Or something.

“I hope everyone understands this race better than I did,” Kenseth said on FS1 after his day ended in a major wreck during Segment 2.

“Guys are punting on second down,” said Greg Olsen, Carolina Panthers tight end and honorary pace car driver, during the FS1 broadcast.

Once the Quik-Dry settled and inversions took place, it became evident that this was a complete and total mess.

NASCAR needs to go under the hood and fix this and maybe make it less gimmicky.

Winner: Kyle Larson's Grit

Matthew Bishop/Associated Press

Kyle Larson raced his guts out.

He raced this hard to reach the All-Star Race in Saturday’s Showdown, holding off fan-fave Chase Elliott in a thrilling duel.

Larson, who finished 16th, said on the FS1 broadcast:

"

Super disappointed. I keep letting my team down. They worked their tails off after I got all that damage during the Showdown. I was able to get to the front quick there. Got clear right away. I thought I could cruise. I was getting looser throughout the race.

Joey caught me. He did a really good job side-drafting me. I got loose as soon as I got down in the corner. We were going so fast that I just drilled the wall.

"

Larson has no reason to be downtrodden, though. He did all he could do to get into this race. He sounded despondent, like he was entirely blaming himself for not winning.

This team and this driver are heading in the right direction. There’s a lot to be optimistic about if you’re in that No. 42 garage.

Loser: Trying to Hack the Inversion

Chuck Burton/Associated Press

Jimmie Johnson and Chad Knaus tried doing something very smart: They tried hacking the inversion.

The inversion, first of all, meant that either the top nine, 10 or 11 cars would have to pit.

Johnson dropped to 12th and hoped that an 11 would be drawn. Olsen drew the 11. That meant Johnson would start on the lead on older tires. The top 11 cars all pitted for four tires.

Green flag.

Johnson got his doors blown off by everyone on fresh tires. There was no holding anyone off.

Logano, Brad Keselowski, Earnhardt—the one, two, three finishers—had all pitted. The inversion didn’t work. Fresh tires always win and Johnson found out the hard way as he fell back to 12th.

Winner: Team Penske

Chuck Burton/Associated Press

Logano sure knows how to burn out at Charlotte. He performed four full 360-degree spins across the logo.

In his sixth attempt, he brought home the All-Star Race and along with it $1 million pre-tax.

Keselowski, Logano’s teammate, took second place after Larson ran into the wall. From there Team Penske knew it had the exacta in the All-Star Race.

“This is a race you always want to have on your resume,” Logano said during the FS1 broadcast. “It’s even special just to be in the race.”

Though the race didn’t count for points, it could count a lot toward morale as teams prepare for next weekend’s Coca-Cola 600, another resume-building race.

Logano won six races in 2015, but has yet to win one this year. The All-Star Race could be what vaults him through the second half of the regular season.