Marcus Gilbert's Knee Suspended For Illegal Contact

In an effort to show that they are very serious about quarterbacks getting hit in the head, the SEC ruled in favor of a one game suspension for Marcus Gilbert's knee.

The suspension comes after Gilbert's knee violently struck Tim Tebow in the head as he was falling down, concussing the Florida superstar.

"While it is peculiar to suspend a lone body part of a player," one SEC official states, "the intent of the player does not match the intent of the player's knee."

The SEC official went on to state that the fact that Tebow was already falling down when the hit occurred also factored into the ruling of "malicious intent of the knee."

"Tim Tebow is superman. We were under the assumption that he would never get hurt. There is some suspicion of illegal substances used by Gilbert's knee. How else could Tebow get hurt?"

The assumption here is that Gilbert's knee somehow obtained Kryptonite, the fictional element known in the comic world as Superman's only weakness.

"I don't know how I can play without my knee," the Florida tackle responded, "but LSU is a big game and we need the W. I guess I'll get knee replacement surgery. Do you know how long that takes?"

Research shows that recovering from knee replacement surgery would take much longer than the one week suspension. Also, there's no telling that during the knee replacement more Kryptonite can be inserted into Gilbert's knee. Expect the SEC to ban this procedure in the coming days.

Since the ruling, Gilbert has been advised by the Florida staff to observe the suspension. Inside sources also have reported that Gilbert was repeatedly towel whipped by teammates after the showers Saturday night. As if a one game suspension wasn't enough.