Bleacher Report TV Review: Brothers

When Michael Strahan retired, a career in television was expected. He spent a little while on pregame shows and even hosted Pros vs. Joes, but such mediums could not hold a personality as big as Michael Strahan.

No, he was destined for bigger things. That is why when I heard that he was getting his own sitcom (yes, sitcom) I had to check it out.

To kick off the series, they aired two episodes back-to back. Although it may not seem like it, I have better things to do than watch Michael Strahan try to make me laugh on a Friday evening, so I recorded the show and finally got a chance to watch it. Here is what transpired.

Seriously, one minute into this show the first joke we have is about old people having sex. They're really grabbing me here.

Then they introduce Strahan, who immediately starts unfunnily arguing with his brother right before one of the more awkward commercial breaks I've ever seen. 

Of course, one of the first commercials we have is a Subway commercial with the man of the hour himself.

As if his own sitcom wasn't enough to remind me that Michael Strahan can't act, I have to watch him banter with Jared. If it weren't for $5 footlongs, I would have boycotted Subway long ago.

Can I just mention that Carl Weathers looks terrible. As ridiculous as Sly Stallone was coming back for Rocky Balboa a few years ago, it would have been a hundred times worse if they tried to make an Apollo Creed movie.

He looks like a cancer survivor. Correction, a cancer survivor who just make a joke about shaving his (and I'm not making this up) "willie-do."

They are really trying to take every opportunity to let us know that the brothers don't like each other. It comes off way more annoying than funny.

YES! At the seven-minute mark we have our first gap-tooth joke. I'm going out on a limb and saying that we'll hear five more of those by the end of the hour.

Not to pay more mind to the gap, but no amount of charisma could distract me from the speech impediment that Strahan has because of his teeth.

He sounds like a cartoon character. To be more exact, he sounds like a cross between Gopher from Winnie the Pooh and Sylvester the Cat from Looney Tunes.

We finally find out why Chill (Strahan's brother) is in a wheelchair. A drunk driving accident. It's depressing. They try to lighten it up, but do not do a good job of it.

And for someone who supposedly hates his brother, there are giant pictures (get it, Giant?) of him at Chill's restaurant.

And Chill also seems way more pissed at his brother who was a little late coming to pick him up that night than he was at the drunk guy who actually crashed the car.

Damn. We get our first Rocky reference at 26 minutes in. I had 15 in the Bleacher Report office pool. Oh well.

That pretty much ends the first episode, which finishes with everyone happy with each other. Hopefully, this will be funnier than when they're all mad at each other.

Somehow we get out of a bowling alley in the second episode without them making a 7-10 split joke about Strahan's teeth. I would have given them props for that one.

Instead, he picks up a beautiful girl who works the shoe rack at the bowling alley. Glad they're keeping this realistic.

I just figured it out. Michael Strahan's "I'm acting as hard as I can" face is basically his "I'm squinting as hard as I can" face. Unless Tyler Perry starts making guest appearances, this shouldn't last a whole season. It can't. The world just isn't that cruel.

The parents' plot this episode is that the husband forgot their anniversary. Wow. Glad they're really breaking new ground here. I hope there's some sort of comical misunderstanding later on!

So wait. Strahan has a gap in his teeth? And his brother is in a wheelchair? Are you sure? I can't remember because they've only reminded us 84 times in less than an hour.

And by the way, I was wrong about the teeth jokes. They managed to squeeze in eight of them total, including one in a teaser. That's probably a good thing to get in as many as they can right now, since I'm never watching another episode of this again.

So just to recap, sports stars are great in reality shows and cameos, but in sitcoms it's just pathetic. The only thing more painful than getting hit by Strahan would be watching him try to act and be funny.

Grade: D-