What Every College Football Fan Wants for the Holidays in 2015

Hello, everyone! Ben Claus is back for another round of gift-giving.

(As opposed to Krampus Ben, who comes once a year and forces naughty Auburn fans to watch highlights of Leonard Fournette running up and down on their defense.) 

(Actually, you know what? Let's go ahead and roll the tape.) 

Anyway, most of you have been good this year, so we want to reward you with a bountiful pile of gifts from all of us here who cover college football at Bleacher Report. Of course, none of these gifts are redeemable, exchangeable or, in a word, "real," but we think you'll enjoy them all the same. 

According to our list, here's what every college football fan wants this holiday season. If there's something else, well, that just means you're greedy—and greedy is bad. Because sometimes, wanting just one more thing turns out to be a mistake. 

1. A Clean Bill of Health for Pitt Running Back James Conner

The first gift is always the most important, and nothing is more important than your health. Right now, Pitt running back James Conner doesn't have that going for him. Earlier this month, Conner, the 2014 ACC Player of the Year, announced he had been diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin lymphoma. He is already receiving chemotherapy treatment and will continue doing so for the next six months. 

"When I heard those words—'You have cancer'—I admit I was scared," Conner said in a statement posted on the school's website. "But after thinking about it for a bit, I realized that fear is a choice. I choose to not fear cancer. I choose to fight it, and I will win."

Jared Wickerham/Getty Images

Conner missed practically all of the 2015 season with a MCL injury. He began experiencing symptoms during his rehab and found out about his diagnosis on Thanksgiving morning. 

Fortunately, doctors believe the cure rate for Conner's type of Hodgkin lymphoma is between 85-95 percent, per ESPN.com's Matt Fortuna.

"I will play football again. I will be at Heinz Field again. I have the best coaches and teammates in the country," Conner said. "I thank God I chose Pitt because now I also have the best doctors in the country and together we will win. I know this city has my back."

Everyone's pulling for you, James. Now go kick cancer's butt. 

2. An All-Time Classic Fiesta Bowl (aka the "2016 NFL Draft Bowl") 

Every college football fan wants a great playoff. That goes without saying. But the other New Year's Six bowls are just delightful, too. If there's one to keep an eye on above all else, it's the BattleFrog Fiesta Bowl between Notre Dame and Ohio State. 

Or, as it's unofficially known, the 2016 NFL Draft Bowl. 

Just who's going to be playing in the Valley of the Sun? Here's a list of draft-eligible players from both sides who made Matt Miller's Top 100 Big Board this month: 

Miller's Rank	Player	School	Position
2	Jaylon Smith	Notre Dame	LB
3	Joey Bosa	Ohio State	EDGE
5	Ronnie Stanley	Notre Dame	T
13	Ezekiel Elliott	Ohio State	RB
22	Michael Thomas	Ohio State	WR
33	Eli Apple	Ohio State	CB
37	Joshua Perry	Ohio State	LB
41	Taylor Decker	Ohio State	T
47	Vonn Bell	Ohio State	SS
50	Adolphus Washington*	Ohio State	DL
57	C.J. Prosise**	Notre Dame	RB
66	Braxton Miller	Ohio State	WR
67	Tyvis Powell	Ohio State	FS
73	Sheldon Day	Notre Dame	DL
88	Keivarae Russell**	Notre Dame	CB

(*Denotes suspension for the game.) 

(**Denotes injured player.) 

Mercy, that's quite a list. And it doesn't even include Notre Dame wideout Will Fuller, who said last month he was returning for another season, per Paul Skrbina of the Chicago Tribune (but could still change his mind). Nor does it include future draft-eligible players on both sides. 

In a perfect world, every bowl game is as entertaining as this year's Miami Beach Bowl. In a realistic world, few actually are. But if we're to hold out hope for one game to live up to the hype, it's the Fiesta Bowl. The sheer amount of future NFL talent on each sideline reels us in. With any luck, an all-time classic will make us stay. 

3. A Replica Tom Herman "Grill" 

Say this for Houston coach Tom Herman: He's a man of his word. 

The first-year coach for the Cougars made a promise to his players that if they won the American Athletic Conference championship, he would get a custom "grill" for his mouth.

And that's exactly what he did following Houston's win over Temple: 

A grill like this probably costs thousands of dollars, but with 12 payments of the low, low price of $500 made payable to me, a replica Tom Herman grill could be yours.

Or I'll just take the money.

Actually, I'm probably going to do that. I don't even know where to get a grill. Or how to mold one to your mouth dimensions.

This present has taken an unfortunate turn. 

4. Steve Spurrier on College GameDay Every Week 

We here at Bleacher Report are quite generous this time of year, and we want to get you all the presents your little heart desires. If we're being real, though, getting former South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier to be a member of ESPN's College GameDay each week is...a stretch. Basically, we're going to Walmart in the 11th hour trying to find you a PlayStation 4 or whatever it is kids these days play. 

Spurrier didn't officially "retire" in October; he "resigned," as he put it. This resignation feels an awful lot like retirement, though. For all anyone knows, Spurrier's hanging out shirtless with a cold Coors beer. Maybe he's getting ready to start the back nine on a round of golf. He's going to do his thing and probably not take anyone's calls for a while. 

Still, having the Head Ball Coach on GameDay every week would be masterpiece theatre for college football. He made one appearance this year post-resignation as a guest picker, but fans demand more. 

We'll see what we can do, but don't be disappointed if, instead of Spurrier on GameDay every week, you get a sweater. 

5. A Signed Copy of the Book #WoooPig: The Best of Bret Bielema

Now that Spurrier has resigned, the title of most quotable college football coach goes to Arkansas' Bret Bielema. The third-year Razorbacks head coach is building up a book's worth of quotes, so we've decided to put them on paper* and sell it to you, the consumer, at a profit to us. 

(*Note that this isn't an actual book, but shouldn't it be?) 

The great thing about Bielema is he's unfiltered, which is something everyone in media wants from a coach or player, but not entirely by design. B/R colleague Barrett Sallee, who covers the SEC, gets it best. According to him, there's a moment before each Bielema-ism where you can see the wheels turn in his head. He surely thinks to himself, "I shouldn't say this, right? Aw, forget it. I'll say it anyway." 

Case in point: "Borderline erotic." 

Then there are the times when Bielema starts talking and oh noooooooo... 

To make matters worse (better?), Bielema has no concept of when to stop. On anything. It's gotten him into trouble before, but in the case of his Freudian slip, it only made things funnier: 

6. A Gently Used Quarterback 

These days, the quarterback transfer market is almost like the New York Stock Exchange. It's all controlled, but there's a degree of chaos that serves as a high for those involved.

This year's quarterback transfer list has some big names. Texas A&M lost two quarterbacks, Kyle Allen and Kyler Murray, in the span of about a week. In a possible Texas A&M-Oklahoma swap, Sooners backup (and one-time starter) Trevor Knight is looking to finish his career elsewhere. 

So, too, is Florida quarterback Will Grier, per Fox Sports' Bruce Feldman. And for the second year in a row, Oregon picked up a transfer quarterback from the Football Championship Subdivision: Montana State's Dakota Prukop, who was also heavily considering Alabama, according to Andrew Greif of the Oregonian. 

The results for transfer quarterbacks have been mixed. Everett Golson transferred from Notre Dame to Florida State and didn't end the year as the starter. Vernon Adams Jr. transferred up from Eastern Washington to Oregon and became major college football's most efficient passer. Oklahoma's Baker Mayfield proved to be the missing piece for the Sooners after transferring from Texas Tech. 

If you're good enough, perhaps your favorite team will get a transfer quarterback that works out. It's the season of miracles, after all. 

Ben Kercheval is a lead writer for college football. All quotes cited unless obtained firsthand.