NFL: Bengals 31, Packers 24...the Game Unseen

My fellow Packers fans are aghast, not just at the way this team lost what should have been its most certain victory, but at the fact that I did not see the game!

As Inigo Montoya would say, "Let me explain...no, there is no time—let me sum up."

As many of you know, I live in the great city of San Francisco, and the games of my childhood team are not always shown locally. No problem—I have DirecTV and purchased NFL Sunday Ticket.

Then my satellite receiver went on the fritz. So we order a new one, get rid of the things we have recorded on TiVo that would be lost in the switch by either watching or taping them, and install the new receiver.

Except it doesn't work, as it turns out they gave us the wrong receiver and it could not record. So unbeknownst to me, while I am serving as a Head Porter for all three services at church (being there from 7:30 a.m. through 1:40 p.m.—I say this because while I am now Protestant, I was raised Catholic and have the appropriate martyr complex and need to complain), the game is not taping.

Maybe it's a good thing.

From what I can tell from a statistical analysis, this performance was appalling. From what I have heard of eyewitness accounts, it was worse than that.

Plus, how frustrating would it have been to see the team run out of time 10 yards from tying the score?

Nonetheless, I have a journalistic obligation to report on the game, even though I lack the tools a journalist would have, such as being able to see more than four or five plays of the game in highlights. Keep that in mind as you judge my grading:

Quarterback: B

Aaron Rodgers was 21 of 39 (.538) for 261 yards (6.7 per attempt) and one score with no picks despite being under constant pressure—he was sacked six times for 39 yards. He ran four times for 43 yards, meaning he accounted for 265 yards on 49 plays—a 5.4-yard average.

Running Back: D-

Ryan Grant, the only running back to get on the stat sheet at all, had 14 carries for just 46 yards (3.3 average). He is showing some ability receiving this year, getting 22 yards on three catches in this game. This gave him a mere 68 yards on 17 plays (exactly a 4-yard average) with one score and one fumble, doing nothing to keep offensive balance.

Wide Receivers: D

Last week only Donald Driver and Greg Jennings made catches from this unit. This week, it was Driver and Jordy Nelson combining for all seven catches for 110 yards (one for 11 by Nelson) and one score. This unit was supposed to be the deepest on the team and was third-best in the league last year, but they have to help Rodgers out more.

Tight End: B

A surprising bright spot on the team considering this looked to be the weakest unit going in. All three tight ends had over 20 yards receiving, combining for nine catches and 105 yards. JerMichael Finley is asserting himself as the team's top tight end with four catches for 56 yards, twice what "starter" Donald Lee had in his four catches.

However, this unit needs to help open more running lanes and support in pass protection better.

Offensive Line: is there a grade lower than F?

There should be for this unit. Allen Barbre is largely responsible for the five sacks of Antawn Odom, who came into the game with just 17.5 in 65 career games. Chad Clifton went down with injury, and that does not bode well with the struggles of the rest of the young line.

No one is playing well, and even on bad knees, Mark Tauscher has to be better than Barbre. Ted Thompson may not like to do it, but he has to sign a new right tackle (Levi Jones?) if the season is not going to be completely lost. Teams now know they can come at Rodgers all day from that side, and they will exploit that weakness.

Defensive Line: C-

Cullen Jenkins managed one of the Packers two sacks, and the mere four tackles and one assist by the unit is not alarming because in a 3-4, the line just occupies blockers so the linebackers can make plays. But giving up 151 yards on the ground in 34 carries (a 4.4-yard average)—mostly to Cedric Benson no less—suggests they did not do that.

Linebackers: D

This unit has to be held accountable for the six catches for 64 yards from the Bengals running backs and tight ends. This is nothing special since none of them got into the endzone, but nothing to be proud of considering none of those guys are making a run at a Pro Bowl.

The entire unit accounted for 13 tackles and eight assists, the kind of numbers usually associated with one or two players. Even Clay Matthews' first sack is nothing special—in a 3-4 this unit should get more than one sack every game.

Defensive Backs: B+

Charles Woodson had another stellar game, remaining the lone impact player Ted Thompson has ever signed. He had two interceptions and returned one for a touchdown, and led the team with nine tackles and an assist.

It is never a good thing when a defensive back is your leading tackler. It is even worse when there is no one on the team with more tackles than your top three defensive backs. The unit as a whole accounted for 27 tackles and six assists, and the rest of the defense had 17 and nine, respectively. Ouch!

Despite their stellar tackling, two turnovers forced, and score, they did give up all three scores. Carson Palmer did complete 65 percent of his passes for over eight yards per attempt, but a lot of that may be the lack of pressure. The wide receivers of the Bengals are probably their best unit, and managed just nine catches for 121 yards.

Special Teams: F

Did I see this right—Jeremy Kapinos had a 24.2 yard net average on his punts? Are you freaking kidding me? The punt coverage allowed a 22-yard average on returns!

Were we better in kick coverage? No, coverage there gave up over 40 yards per return. Maybe you could say it was better because it recovered an onside...

How about the return game? Okay, but not great: Will Blackmon averaged 22 yards on his kick returns, and neither he nor anyone else had any punt return yardage.

So was Mason Crosby at least good? Sort of—he did miss one of his two field goal attempts, but it was from 55 yards and the one he hit to draw the team within seven was from 45.

I should add that the Packers lost a game in which the opponents were flagged for 13 penalties, mostly by getting 11 themselves. The Packers were the second-most penalized team in the league last year and the second-most injured—both of those trends look to be continuing (Atari Bigby will miss up to a month with his knee injury suffered last week), and if not corrected, will lead to another long season.

Next week the Packers travel to St. Louis, which appears to be an even easier game than this one did on paper. They must not only win but play well to prepare themselves for the big divisional matchup against that traitor and his new team, who may well come into that week 3-0.

I originally wrote this article for SportsScribes.net.