Post-Bear Game Therapy For Bronco Fans

Due to the constant smack-talk via Denver fans and their plethora (10 points for good word usage) of schizophrenic articles and posts, I feel the need to offer a short reality check or therapy session if you will. As a Bears fan, I am so tired of others (ie. Bronco fans) acting like Lovie Smith and the Chicago  fan base held a gun to someone's head and kidnapped Jay Cutler amidst much weeping and gnashing of teeth.  Could you just imagine the scene?  You see Jerry Angelo and company in SWAT gear pulling Cutler (as little Elian Gonzales) from a closet and out of the arms of a blubbering, snot-nosed Josh McDaniels.  Rod Marinelli barking commands, "Someone slap that crying kid in the cut-off hoodie before I have to do it myself!"  Lovie Smith staring blankly at the entire tumultuous scene and Ron Turner....well, he probably sent the SWAT team to the house next door.  Bam...fullback dive, straight through the front door!  I can imagine it took 3 attempts and then they climbed through a window before they realized it wasn't Cutler's house.

 My God!  Please Bronco fans....GET OVER IT!!!  You may believe that Cutler is a turd, but at least he has more potential talent than most of the Bear QB turds before him.  Chicago fans have been sick of crappy (pun intended) QB play and horrendous play-calling for quite some time now...and while we are still stuck with Turner at OC (not to mention a very, very inexperienced wide receiving corps), we finally have a QB with great potential and some attitude.  Despite your posturing as the "jilted lover", the Bears saw an opportunity to trade for a very young franchise QB and they "pulled the trigger".  That's it!!!  You all keep acting like a jealous, high school-aged, ex-girlfriend...You feel spurned and betrayed...You now feel the need to badmouth the ex-boyfriend (whom you were in love with mere months ago)...and now, by default, you must also hate his family and his friends and anything he ever enjoyed...all donations to fight diabetes will now cease!!! Maybe some therapy would help. That's fine if you want to heap your hate upon Cutler (it'll get pretty old after a while, I would think), but the hating on the Bears and their fans is totally moronic. 

Maybe this article is my own therapy in a way, but the most important thing is that during the Bears/Packers game last night.....Cutler and his receivers sucked....the playcalling sucked....the injuries sucked!  The majority of pre-game picks that I saw had the Packers winning, so it's not as if this was a huge upset, disappointment...yes....upset, no.  The Bears had the game won and blew it....to overcome the interceptions, horrible pass routes, major injuries, and an "awesome" 4-yard fake punt call (thanks Pat, nice try though!)....and STILL have a chance to put the game away with 2 minutes to go...that's about all that you could ask for. The Packers and Bears both looked great defensively and I'm sure the offenses of both teams will come around sooner rather than later. 

As far as Denver's McDaniels/Orton experiment versus Cincy....WOW!  Did any of you actually watch that game?  Orton was average at best with his usual 1-2 brainfarts per game and both teams were stinking it up for the majority of the game.  (It is still my personal belief that Orton's neckbeard is the greatest of all-time and that, it alone, should absolve him of all brainfarts)  The defenses didn't play too horribly, but everyone knows that Cincy had the game in hand, but one fluke play and wham....Touchdown!  It was a great play, but lucky nonetheless.  But it is amazing that one lucky tipped ball can prolong the delusions of so many Bronco fans.  If anyone has any footage or snapshots of any Denver fan wrapped in their Snuggie...clutching their John Elway doll...giggling and licking their TV as Cutler was completing passes to the Packer secondary, I would pay fair market value to see it!

Anyhow, back to your therapy session.  I truly wanted to root for Orton, but I found myself rooting for Denver to lose because I am soooooo tired of Bronco Kool-Aid drinkers who just can't let Cutler go.  Let him go....Let him go....Repeat after me.  Let him go!  Please move on with your season and your lives.  I am a Bears fan who understands your bitterness, so please for the sake of your sanity....Let Jay go!  He doesn't want a relationship with you anymore.  Oh yeah....and please listen to this next part: The reason that he did not want to continue the relationship was because you (ie. Broncos organization) kicked his "best friend" (ie, Mike Shanahan) to the curb....put his other buddies out on the street (ie. Fill in the blank _____________ Coordinator).....and then were actively looking for a new "boyfriend" (ie. Matt Cassel)....whoops!  Kind of backfired, didn't it?  So quit calling Cutler the whiner and the big baby.  He's not the first player to ever push hard for a trade and after all of the aforementioned drama, who could blame him?  Please leave the Bears and their fans alone.  In this day and age, you have GOT to be able to find a more creative outlet for your frustrations.  Have you considered scrapbooking?  Pretty soon you will be relegated to a life of baking little football-shaped cookies decorated with little, frosted Cutler effigies and just waiting for him to return home to Mile High (pardon the Ace Ventura analogy). 

So, Bronco fan, before you get off of the couch (yes, the leather one).  Re-think things for a moment.  Find that little spark in your heart that you once felt for Jay.  Find that love of football again....the love of the game, not the player.  Try to move on.  Your first step can begin by turning off ESPN whenever you hear the words "Bears", "Chicago", or "Cutler"....turn the channel, QUICKLY!  Flip over to HGTV or SyFy (yes, it used to be Sci-Fi, but life goes on).  If you happen to be in a sports bar and you're surrounded by 20 TV's and then all of a sudden.....BAM....there's Cutler or Urlacher or Kreutz laying on top of little Garrett Wolfe (if you saw the game, you know what I'm talking about)....here's what you do!  Run for the restroom!  Do not look back!  Just run and find the nearest stall and have a good, hard cry. 

The second thing that can start you on your road to recovery is to purge things from your football life that are unhealthy.  You know what I'm talking about.  The Elway doll, the portrait of Mike Shanahan in your bathroom, the love letters to Cutler that you never mailed......burn them all!!  Go out into your backyard and start a little campfire and place your items one by one into the flame and feel the Cutler hangover lift off of your shoulders.  Can you feel the love for Orton?  Let a little Kyle into your heart.  Let Jay go!  Say it...."I let you go, Jay."  Now take a deep breath, go grab your new scrapbooking kit ($12.95 at Wal-Mart, I think) and enjoy your campfire.  Let Jay go because the neckbeard blooms in Autumn.  The neckbeard blooms in Autumn.  Now whisper with me......The neckbeard blooms in Autumn.