B/R 5th Down: OSU Fan Names Baby After J.T. Barrett, Drafted Players Celebrate
Editor's Note: The Fifth Down captures the top social college football stories of the week. Because the long, grueling offseason is underway, we'll focus on things that make us laugh, think or maybe cry, but mostly laugh.
1) Kentucky's Student Managers Get the 'Full House' Introduction
As you may have heard by now, a Full House reunion officially got the green light on Netflix, bringing all your late 1980s/early 1990s dreams to life. Apparently, that hit Kentucky football right in the feels.
.jpg?w=256 "Ohio State Team Doctor")
The Wildcats opted to use this news to introduce their student managers—which Zach Barnett of Football Scoop notes is the "ultimate thankless, pay-your-dues job" in college athletics—in an awesome Full House spinoff.
The lack of an Uncle Jesse mullet is disappointing, but overall, nice work. Cheesy, but in a good way.
2) Let's Talk About Naming Your Baby After Football Players
Let's get this out of the way first: We're not here to judge what parents name their newborns. Unless you're Johnny Cash's father and named your boy Sue, what you call your child is probably okay by comparison.
So when one Ohio State fan decided to name his baby daughter after Buckeyes quarterback J.T. Barrett, all you can really do is shrug your shoulders and say, "Yeah, that works."
"@JT_theQB4th My husband is a huge Buckeyes fan. He insisted we name our baby Barrett. She was born 04/09. GO BUCKS pic.twitter.com/uBjFdt3NP0
— Krista (@klprice32) April 30, 2015"
The name "Barrett" is unisex enough—like Ryan—that it can be pulled off, yet it's interesting enough that people will want to know where she got her name. The only thing you can hope for then is that Barrett stays out of trouble.
Otherwise, she'd have to say she was named after Bleacher Report's Barrett Sallee. And nobody wants that.
3) Dante Fowler Jr. Had the Greatest Shoes Ever at the Draft
Some of the best moments about the NFL draft, which started Thursday night, don't actually involve the physical picks themselves. If you're looking for actual draft coverage, head on over to B/R's NFL page.
For the stuff that really matters, keep reading.
You have to start with Florida defensive end Dante Fowler Jr., who dressed like he was about to premiere the most fire album of 2015.
Seriously, though, those shoes:
Fowler was selected third overall to the Jacksonville Jaguars. He may have been the best edge-rusher in the draft, but we're thinking his threads had something to do with his selection as well.
4) Meanwhile, People Get Angry About Jameis Winston
While Fowler went third overall, the first two picks went to the past two Heisman winners: Florida State's Jameis Winston and Oregon's Marcus Mariota, neither of whom attended the draft.
Winston opted to have a draft party with his friends and family in his hometown of Bessemer, Alabama, complete with a red carpet and everything:
Because it's 2015 and people get upset about pretty much anything, it should be noted that Winston's grandmother, Myrtle, was unable to travel to Chicago, per Ira Schoffel of Warchant.com.
But wait! There's more reason for folks to be mad! After Winston was drafted by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, he celebrated with a delicious plate of crab legs. Winston, of course, was busted for stealing crab legs from a Publix last year. However, he later said that he received a "hook up" for them.
"Say what you want about Manziel, but he just loves life. This guy here, why do I think he's a straight-up bad guy? pic.twitter.com/Lwow1tCLPH
— Brian Davis (@BDavisAAS) May 1, 2015"
The photo has been deleted, but for backstory on the picture, you should check out the twitter feed of former quarterback Shaun King. It explains the whole thing, which is definitely not worth getting upset over. Long story short, they were a gift because Winston helped out at a charity auction.
5) Todd Gurley THA GAWD
Georgia running back Todd Gurley was drafted Thursday by the St. Louis Rams with the 10th overall pick. It was a perfect moment for a guy—and I think I speak for a lot of college football fans when I say this—whose college career was never fulfilled in the way that it could have been.
Gurley, of course, is coming off of a season-ending ACL injury and was suspended four games by the NCAA for profiting off of his popularity.
That makes Gurley's post-draft tweet that much more amazing:
Get money, Gurley. You should have been earning a long time ago, anyway.
6) Never Forget: Marcus Mariato Mariota Got Hung Up On
Good heavens, people. What did Oregon quarterback Marcus Mariota ever do to you? (Besides put up 60 points on your defense, probably.)
First, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell channeled his inner John Travolta by screwing up Mariota's name:
Then, Conor Orr of NFL.com reported that the Titans, who selected Mariota with the No. 2 overall pick, initially hung up on their future face of the organization:
"NFL Network's Tiffany Blackmon spoke with Mariota, who said he had no indication that the Titanswould draft him. He spoke with Whisenhunt and Webster on the phone ... but they initally hung up on him by accident. Once the connection was re-established, the Titans had their guy.
"
Small potatoes? Perhaps, but there's nowhere to go but up from here, I suppose.
7) Cardale Jones is the Offseason Puppet Master
It's May, which means there's not a lot going on in the college football world. Ohio State quarterback Cardale Jones, who will soon be in a heated three-way battle to start for the Buckeyes, understands this. And because everything on Twitter is taken as truth, Jones decided to have some fun with his more than 164,000 followers by indicating he would transfer to Akron:
Of course, the only real loser here are the Zips, who thought, just maybe, their prayers have been answered.
The other loser is of the figurative variety: all of us, for clinging so dearly to a social media app on our mobile devices when it's a Friday afternoon in the spring time
Well done, Cardale. May Fools is now a thing and we all fell for it.
8) UCLA Student Gets Leveled by Linebacker Myles Jack...Voluntarily
Meet UCLA student Danny Siegel. According to the video below, Siegel is running for general representative at UCLA. As part of that video, Siegel willingly takes a brutal hit from Bruins linebacker Myles Jack for your vote.
The video is actually well done, but the hit doesn't come until the very end. It's a nice...exclamation point, if you will.
Unlike Dennis the Constitutional Peasant, you can actually vote for Siegel. So do it.
(If the election isn't over already, that is.)
(And assuming Siegel is still alive.)
(Still, do it anyway.)
9) Virginia Tech Football: Bad Lip Reading
The 2013 edition of "The NFL: A Bad Lip Reading" is one of the most quotable things, so to speak, I've seen on YouTube in a long time. The later editions were pretty good, too.
Anyway, Virginia Tech did its own version of "A Bad Lip Reading," and we have to say, it's solid.
"Did you forget to bring the nugget tray? Ah, peaches!"
10) If You Keep Filming Videos of Walk-Ons Receiving Scholarships, We'll Keep Watching
Coaches award scholarships to walk-on football players all the time. This isn't new, but dammit if it isn't awesome to watch when someone records it. The most recent video to come across the social media wire is from Penn State, where head coach James Franklin awarded junior linebacker Von Walker a full ride.
The video and Vine of Walker getting the news can be seen below (though be advised there's some language not safe for work):
Congratulations to Walker. What an incredible sight.
11) Football Players Are Better at Solving Rubik's Cubes than You
Now that you feel all warm and fuzzy, it's time to make you feel insignificant again. Nothing does that in a more frustrating manner than showing you videos of other people solving Rubik's Cubes in no time.
Here's Vanderbilt linebacker Stephen Weatherly getting it done in less than two minutes:
"What happens when you give an outside linebacker a Rubik's cube? https://t.co/PwmuMUh2tj
— VandyFootball (@VandyFootball) April 28, 2015"
As if that wasn't enough, here's Florida defensive back Nick Washington one-upping Weatherly by solving the devil's game in roughly one minute's time:
Not bad, but fold a fitted sheet—correctly—in the same amount of time and then you can color me impressed.
12) Charlie Strong Struggles with Player Names (Part 2)
You may recall a few weeks back when Texas head coach Charlie Strong forgot his quarterback's name—psst, it's Tyrone Swoopes—while being deposed in a lawsuit involving one of his assistants.
We chalked it up to a brain fart because, hey, they happen, right? But confusing defensive tackle Malcom Brown, who was drafted Thursday night by the New England Patriots, and running back Malcolm Brown?
Well, that was inevitable. Note that the top tweet, which has since been deleted, is to Malcolm Brown. The bottom tweet is the correct Malcom Brown.
It's not the best look, but if Strong starts winning a ton of games, he can call his players whatever he wants. Malcolm, Malcom, Mitchell, Murphy, Jeffery. Whatever.
13) Oh, Look, Oregon Has New Uniforms For its Spring Game
Oregon gets new unis pretty much every year, but it also has a cool tradition of wearing Nike uniforms every spring game that are inspired by those who serve this country.
According to Oregon's website, "For the past six years, Nike and the University of Oregon have partnered to create a special 'Salute the Day' uniform design for the football team’s final spring scrimmage. This year the new Nike Mach Speed uniforms will honor the men and women of the U.S. Armed Forces, and those who serve the state of Oregon."
Images of the new unis can be viewed below:
14) Ohio State Players Mulch the Buckeye Grove
You've heard how some teams reward spring game winners with steak dinners while the losers get hot dogs and baked beans, right? Well, Ohio State coach Urban Meyer takes a different approach.
The loser of the Buckeyes' spring game earlier this month—in this case, the Scarlet team—was forced to mulch the trees in the Buckeye Grove, an area dedicated to the school's All-Americans. It's an annual tradition under Meyer, which is great not only because it serves a community purpose but because it smells like crap.
Video of the "punishment" can be viewed below:
15) Finally, Your LOLWUT??? Quote of the Week
Arkansas head coach Bret Bielema is quickly approaching Jim Harbaugh and Steve Spurrier levels of hot mic greatness. To be someone on the Razorbacks beat is probably one of sports journalism's great rewards. Like, chances are it's good karma from a previously life or something.
Anyway, here's Bielema on Bo Mattingly's show talking about God knows what and does it really matter?
Never change, Bret. Never change.
Ben Kercheval is a lead writer for college football.
.jpg?w=480 "Ohio State Team Doctor")
