MMA and Magic on My Mind

Upon learning that fans could see Fedor Emelianenko yesterday in New York, I was strangely tempted to leave my agoraphobia at home and take a rather long truck ride with my husband northeast.

Meeting Fedor would do wonders for my psyche and possibly cure my little hang up about not leaving my comfort zone, the Old Bar X Ranch in Peoria, IL.

Fedor is such a gentle appearing and humble man that I have been longing to learn Russian so I can communicate with him and engage him in talking about geese, among many other interests we share.

Right now, poor Debbie Guida is probably scratching her head and wondering how I could possibly drive all the way to New York to catch a glimpse of a man I can't even talk with, when her offer to help me interview her son Clay, who I also adore, couldn't budge me.

"Debbie, if you are reading this, please know that my family does not fully understand me after many years and I am not sure I do myself. It is nothing personal and I do desperately wish to meet both you and Clay."

This brings me to the "Magic" part.

On several web sites, I have been asked which magical power, super power if you will, would I rather possess. Once I thought that I would like to be able to fly, because I often do in my dreaming state. Now though, I am wishing that I could read minds.

For many years my sons actually believed that I could read minds, which turned out to be a rather handy misconception which I used on them frequently to gain a parenting advantage (Hey! You do what you have to to survive parenthood!).

Of course, I would use this "magical ability" for purposes of good, not evil, to bring enlightenment about MMA to my readers for the benefit of all fan-kind (I think I just coined a new word).

Wouldn't it be lovely to be watching UFC 102 and know what all the fighters are thinking as they enter the octagon, fight and then are interviewed by Joe Rogan?

Consensus would probably be related to thoughts of, "How does Joe manage to function after doing all that pot?" or "why don't they do piss tests on MMA commentators too?" You know, something along those lines.

Incidentally, would my magic power need to know Russian to read Fedor's mind?

Hm...I will have to ponder about that...

It would be so much fun to hear what Georges St. Pierre was thinking as the millionth interviewer asked him, "can you tell us about your game plan for this big fight?"

Do you suppose all his thoughts are as polite as his behavior is?

Knowing from personal experience as both a former teacher and RN, I doubt it that it would be as many times as he has answered that question likening it to showing your hand when playing cards. I certainly would be cursing the one with the mic.

Dana White's mind would be quite a challenge for me to read, what with all the offensive forms of the F-words he peppers his speech with, how long could I edit it out before I would start "talking Dana?" At least it would be confined to my home.

Look out kids. Grandma has been inside Dana White's head again!

Not such a treat to use magic, in that case.

Hearing a suppressed inner dialogue would be so entertaining, in most cases, especially when the fighters were so elated or dejected after a fight would be the perfect super power for an old hag like me.

Don't be to critical of me now, my purpose would be to share my magical gift with my readers after all. That is certainly unselfish enough isn't it?

When I learn that there is so much more to the world of MMA than we ever suspected, I am sure we will all either feel very privileged to know the inside information or change sports in disgust.

No one ever said that getting what you wish for is always a good thing, did they?

Reading the comments on this article may be too much insight for me to take. Reading minds may be highly overrated.