Legend of Fedor Reaches Chuck Norris Levels

Did you know that Fedor once armbarred a bear? That's nothing!

He once armbarred God!

How can any ordinary human do such things? Obviously it's impossible, unless you are a cyborg from the future.

The legend of Fedor has gotten to the point that evaluating his skills and abilities has gone beyond any sort of rational argument, or examination of techniques applied.

How is Fedor's striking? The typical answer is something like this: While it may seem unorthodox for boxing, winging punches in a 180 degree arc is in fact the best way to strike in MMA.

Fedor's wrestling? Fedor doesn't get taken down, he is just luring people into his Sambo trap.

Fedor's submissions? That one isn't even a question.  Just ask a Fedor fan how Brock Lesnar would do against Fedor.

"Fedor would armbar Brock Lesnar within the first minute of the fight."

Of course, there is a lot of decent evidence to back these views up.  The guy is undefeated, and has some pretty insane victories.

Knocking Andrei Arlovski out, causing him to execute a beautifully unconscious pirouette was simply amazing.

And his armbars against Mark Coleman are about as fluid as you'll ever see from a 230 lb man.

All of that being said, I'm still surprised when Fedor fans tell me that he was simply playing with Arlovski when Fedor's head snapped back, and then Arlovski push-kicked him into the ropes.

Since Fedor is psychic, he knew that those actions would ultimately result in Arlovski going for one of the stupidest flying knee attempts of all time.

And when Mark Coleman took Fedor down, he was only able to do that because Fedor knew that knocking out Coleman on the feet would be too easy.  He wanted to show off his armbar.

The second Coleman fight?  He got taken down because Dana White bet that he couldn't pull of the very same armbar again.

The suplex by Kevin Randleman? Actually, Fedor had Randleman exactly where he wanted him.

It's pretty clear that Fedor simply cannot lose.  It's a mathematical impossibility.

The only other legend that rivals Fedor's, is the strange legend of Randy Couture.

Unlike Fedor though, Couture can be beaten.   There are two things about Randy though, that would make him Fedor's most formidable challenger.

For one thing, Randy Couture never loses a fight when he comes in as the underdog.

Place a bet on Randy Couture, though, and that all goes out the window.  Just don't bet against him.

But if he never loses when he is the underdog, then why did he lose against Lesnar?

That is because too many people saw the betting line, and bet on Couture.

Or because it was only the gamblers who thought Lesnar was the favorite, and since all the true fans thought Couture would win, he didn't have his super-underdog-power.

The second thing about Couture is that he only gets stronger over time.

Should Couture retire soon?  Are you kidding me?!?! He's got a good 40 or 50 fights left.  By the time he's 60, he'll be entering his prime maybe.

All of this leads to a terrible matchup for Fedor Emelianenko.

Fedor would come in against Couture as a huge favorite, and would seem utterly invincible.  As the millions of MMA fans discounted Couture's chances, he would quickly become a behemoth of epic proportions.

Kind of like Captain Planet, except harnessing doubt, instead of the absence of electrical use.

Furthermore, since Fedor currently seems to have no interest in fighting in the UFC, and Dana White is probably not going to release Randy Couture while he is still marketable, Fedor and Couture probably won't fight for another 10 years or so,

By then, Couture will be entering his physical prime, while Fedor will be 40-something, and looking to close out his career with a record of 60-0 (that loss by cut doesn't count).

Looking at the fight from an objective standpoint, it seems pretty obvious that neither fighter could possibly lose.  As the fight begins, all coin flips result in coins standing on their edges, as a hole is ripped in the Space-time continuum.

Basically it would be the MMA equivalent of Ragnarok.