If you've stayed abreast of Walton's recent broadcasting remarks, you'll know things went exactly as expected, with the former NBA All-Star and Hall of Famer-turned-sportscaster talking about his personal milking experience, his love for John Wooden and that one time he flew into an active volcano only to be chased by fighter jets.
Deadspin's Kevin Draper caught wind of the forum. The Q&A was Walton in top, shamanistic form. Let's take a gander at some of the queries and Walton's answers, starting with his explanation of what he meant by the time he told his television audience he had been "milked":
Q: What is the story behind being milked?
A: It's the most pleasurable experience in the world! When you're on a great team and you get hot, your teammates milk you dry - they wear you out and there's nothing like being on a great team. When you're on a bad team and you get hot, they freeze you out because they figure they have to get theirs before the game's over. Never forget - happiness ends when selfishness begins. I love being hot and there's nothing in the world like being milked.
Walton said he considers himself a John Wooden man for life but played his best hoops in the NBA for Jack Ramsay:
Q: Which coach did the most to elevate your talents: John Wooden, Dr. Jack, or K.C. Jones?
A: I grew up under the umbrella of John Wooden. Every coach I had as a child was a John Wooden disciple and then I had the privilege and honor for playing for John Wooden. I played my best basketball with the Portland Trailblazers. Jack Ramsey made me the best player I ever was, and K.C. Jones, Red Auerbach, Larry Bird and the Boston Celtics, they did not just give me my career back, they gave me my life back.
How about that time Walton's hair was aflame in the critically acclaimed box office smash Little Nicky?
Q: What was it like to have your hair catch on fire in Little Nicky?
A: It was easily one of the most exhilarating moments of my life and I rank that right up with the night that Adam Sandler at Neil Young's Bridge School concert personally sang "The 7 foot man" to me and 30,000 of my closest friends.
Last, but not least, Walton expanded on his history with volcanism. He told one Redditor the spirit of his dog Cortez once navigated him through an erupting volcano. It was right after a Grateful Dead concert, and there were fighter jets scrambling everywhere:
Q: Have you ever been to a volcano when its erupting?
A: We were on tour with the Grateful Dead in Oregon. They were playing the show and they start playing Fire on the Mountain. The volcano next door, Mt. Helens, blows up. When the show was over a bunch of us raced to the airport and boarded a plane. We told people at the airport we were scientists studying atmospheric conditions and the effect of smoke and volcanic explosions on the human spirit, so the pilot was terrified, but we convinced him to fly right into the smoking crater with fire and lava everywhere. He wanted to go home but we were on a scientific mission and we kept getting closer and closer. As we were flying around inside the erupting volcano, the military jets scrambled from the local base and came up there to get us out of there. It was a real dogfight but we had the spirit of Cortez on our side. We eventually left and when we landed at the airport the pilot was most relieved as we quickly fled and went back to the rest of the tour.
And that is how you survive an active volcano, friends.
This is just a little taste of Walton's AMA session. I highly recommend giving it a deeper look (solar teepee recommendations are made). But until his next public appearance, we must sit and wait for Walton to crawl from his yurt and bless the world again with his cosmic philosophy on the give-and-take of healthy, team-driven milking.
Dan is on Twitter, trying to crowdfund money to have Walton's brain preserved for science.