Remembering Shaquille O'Neal's Most 'Shaqtin a Fool' Moments in Orlando

Shaquille O'Neal spent the first four seasons of his NBA career with the Orlando Magic, during which time he accomplished a great many feats. So many feats, the Magic are inducting him into their Hall of Fame on Friday.

"Shaq made a tremendous impact on our franchise during his time with us and we are thrilled to recognize him as our third inductee into the Magic Hall of Fame," Magic CEO Alex Martins said in a team announcement. "He carries on a great legacy of those who made the greatest contribution to the rich history of the Orlando Magic."

Young "Diesel" made four All-Star appearances while in Orlando, leaving him as one of just 25 players to earn a selection in each of his first four pro seasons. He also won Rookie of the Year honors.

He became the first—and remains the only—player to ever rack up 8,000 points and 800 blocks through his initial four campaigns. He carried the Magic to an NBA Finals appearance in 1995.

Right here, right now, in this space, we care about none of that.

Rather than put his brief-but-dominant Orlando stint into proper emotional and statistical context, we're going to reminisce "Shaqtin' a Fool" style, subjectively ranking his most offbeat moments with the Magic in order of increasing quirkiness.

Some of these highlights will be both flattering and odd. Others will be ridiculous, possibly embarrassing.

All of them will be about Shaq being Shaq.

Honorable Mention: This Is How You Shaq

Source: NBA.com.

If you'll recall, Shaq has spent most of his life in the public eye sitting behind the wheel of cars far too small for him. This particular whip looks comfortable. His knees aren't touching his chin, and his head isn't sticking out through the sunroof that isn't there.

To be honest, we have no idea what's going on here, the context behind it or who used Clifford the Big Red Dog's excess fur as upholstery.

All we know is that sometime in 1994, Shaq found himself inside a car designed for Benny the Bull that's one red fluorescent light bulb away from doubling as a 1960s night club.

6. Shaq Meets the Back Rim

When you dunk with the force of an 18-wheeler traveling at light speed, your makes are spectacular.

As are your misses.

In the above clip, Shaq misses three times during a 1995 Eastern Conference Finals tilt against the Indiana Pacers. The second botched dunk is whatever, but the first and third are absurd.

Shaq is essentially blocked by the back rim each time, which sends the ball into the air, presumably into the heavens. On his third miss, the ball nearly travels the length of the court, like it's coated in some sort of superhuman rubber.

Yours truly can neither confirm nor deny that the third and final miss served as the inspiration for Flubber.

5. Shaq Forgot to Yell 'Timber'

Apparently, Shaq prefers to play on child-sized hoops.

It all began so innocently. Being the good teammate that he was, a young Shaq put back a miss and then went on his merry way. But as he ran back down the court, the basket slowly collapsed, taking the equivalent of a bow.

What's most impressive is how effortlessly Shaq waged such destruction. Plenty of his dunks were more ferocious than this one, and most of those baskets lived to tell the tale.

This one did not.

As the above clip shows, the Phoenix Suns would inevitably need to replace the basket that Shaq reduced to Little Tikes status.

Still, give the big fella credit. Even some of his "Shaqtin' a Fool" happenings are just an extension of how his strength—and perhaps disdain for upright hoops—was always beyond compare.

4. Does Shaq Dress Himself?

Source: YouTube.

Back in 1994, long before Russell Westbrook was wearing shower curtains for shirts, Shaq made his Hollywood debut in the movie Blue Chips.

Admittedly, I did not see it. I was five years old and my Power Rangers video cassettes weren't going to watch themselves.

Per a quick Google search, though, we know Blue Chips is about a college coach that needs to improve his team at all costs, and O'Neal's character, Neon, is one of many touted talents he chases. (You can get to know Neon in this sort-of NSFW clip.)

We also know that O'Neal wore those shorts, which sort of look like what would happen if the color neon mated with Skittles and vomit.

Seriously, these shorts make O'Neal's getup from Kazaam seem conservative.

3. Um, Ouch

The year is 1992.

Shaq is a rookie. Ahmad Rashad is teaching him to score on something other than zone defenses.

Naturally, this all ends with Shaq flat on his back, sprawled out amid a sea of glass (or sugar), smiling from ear to ear. Classic.

For the record, this is why we can't have nice things.

2. Shaq Isn't Stephen Curry

Shaq put in nine baskets while representing the Magic at the 1995 NBA All-Star Game.

This was not one of them.

Late in the fourth quarter, with the East down big, Shaq gave it the ol' heave-ho from behind the arc. The end result was what you would expect: He missed, terribly, barely grazing the net. The ensuing breeze could be felt by all. 

It was then that Shaq had an epiphany: He would not go down as the NBA All-Star Game's all-time leading three-point shooter.

1. Actually, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Hey, we get it. Shaq is big. Basketball-Reference has him listed at 7'1" and 325 pounds, and he checked in at 294 pounds while in college. That's a whole lotta Shaq.

On April 23, 1993, it was too much Shaq. He literally ripped down the basket while finishing at the rim, shot clock and all. Not only that, but he tried to play it cool afterward, walking away nonchalantly as if he didn't just destroy this monstrous structure to the crowd's delight.

Speaking of which, the crowd was ecstatic to a point of incomprehensible glee, rendering Shaq's non-reaction a jillion times more out of place. As Greg Wyshynski wrote for Yahoo Sports while remembering the scene:

"

It’s the way the lower bowl of fans come to their feet after he brings down the backboard. It’s not in a 'Hey, wow, never seen that before' way; it’s in a 'YES, MAN-CHILD, DESTROY THE TEAM I’M SUPPOSED TO HAVE A GEOGRAPHIC DISPOSITION TO ADORE! TURN THEM TO ASH!'

"

Yes, the ball went in. And yes, Shaq was awarded two points. So no, this isn't your typical "Shaqtin' a Fool" moment.

But "The Big Aristotle" basically smacked himself in the face with a shot clock. That's worth a least six to 27 JaVale McGee "Shaqtin' a Fool" clips.

*Stats courtesy of Basketball-Reference.