Looking Back on Browns/Packers

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

- Stealers Wheel, Stuck in the Middle with You

I lost sleep over this game.

Not in any kind of stressed out, ruined my day kind of thing, but my brain wouldn’t shut down last night as it began writing 30 different versions of this column while I kept shouting, “Shut up, Brain, I’m trying to sleep!”

Anyway, was the song I quoted at the top going through head coach Eric Mangini’s head during the absolute disgrace of a game on Saturday?

It popped into my head halfway through the second quarter.

First of all, if you’re insane and/or stupid enough to still think Derek Anderson should be our starting quarterback, please go have yourself committed, I’m not humoring you anymore.

Second, Braylon Edwards remains Braylon Edwards, and the kind of value we could’ve gotten for him in April now has greatly diminished.

Thirdly, anyone who wants to say, “But it’s only the pre-season,” needs to also go have themselves committed. I’m not humoring you people any longer, either.

I had incredibly low expectations going into Saturday’s game. All I really wanted to see was the team look better and score one touchdown.

That was it.

Neither of goals was accomplished.

The offense was putrid, no matter who was behind center, with game-killing penalties popping up like Romeo Crennel at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Brady Quinn was very efficient behind center, moving the team well in both of his drives. However, he wasn’t able to close the deal on either drive.

Anderson was...just awful.  His 0-2, 1 INT performance doesn’t actually tell the whole story. Both of his other passes were almost intercepted and he didn’t look comfortable on the field.

I will give Anderson a break on his one play when offensive coordinator Brian Daboll had him turn around and throw the ball BACKWARDS five yards for a net loss of two yards on a 3rd and 4.

If I were on the sidelines, I probably would’ve punched Daboll in the face and then kicked him in the crotch. That play calling wasn’t just bad, it was nightmarish.

He should’ve just called Metcalf up the Middle, it was Bill Belichick’s favorite play on third-and-21 for years. If you’re going to call a trick play on third down, make sure it’s a forward moving play.

Just saying.

Quinn made a bad decision on his interception as Edwards was his intended target. Since Edwards had just dropped a pass that went right through his hands the play before, I’m not sure throwing to him again was the best option.

I’m not giving 100 percent blame to Brady, though. If you watched the replay, Edwards made no effort to break that play up.

None. Nada. Zip. Zero.

The thing that really irked me about the game was how much it was like watching the Romeo Crennel Cleveland Browns. The team made lots of stupid mistakes, couldn’t score and generally looked like amateurs out scrimmaging the pros for charity.

I expected something better, and Mangini didn’t deliver on that least little bit. Bear in mind as well that half the Packers starting defense was not playing yesterday and you’ll get a better idea of just how horrid our offense is at the moment.

The Browns looked really bad during the pre-season last year, and things only got worse from there. So telling me to be patient at this point is an exercise in futility. I’m not expecting the playoffs, but I am expecting competence.

"I told the players before the game what I wanted to see was smart football, wanted to see toughness, and wanted to see us be able to out-hustle our opponent," Mangini said. "I don't really think we achieved any of those objectives.

"We weren't very good in any of the three phases,” he continued. “I don't think we did a good job coaching. The only way it's going to be corrected is with hard work."

While I watched the second half, the only thing I took out of watching fourth- and fifth-stringers banging around was that they didn’t look much different than our first- second-, or third-stringers.

That and Brett Ratliff knows how to take a hit. I’ll give the kid credit for taking a beating and not begging to be taken out so Richard Martel could get some reps.

As for the defense, Abram Elam proved his critics right as he watched Donald Driver run down the field, catch the ball and score a touchdown.

Other than that, the Browns, again, looked just as overmatched as they did last year in every way conceivable.

The caveat to that statement is Shaun Rogers was given the night off, though I can’t figure out why, and the vanilla approach by the Browns obviously was deliberate.

But if your team can’t even competently execute a bland defensive scheme, how are they supposed to unleash the “real” defense a month from now?

Is it too early to call next week’s game against the Lions a “must win” game?

Just asking.