The beer run is the closest thing First World adults have to pack-hunting game in the hinterlands.
It's an adventure based on immediate necessity, with the heroic goal of providing life-sustaining provisions for a larger group running low on supplies.
Often, bizarre combinations of characters convene on these runs with the common goal of finding booze, and you'll be hard-pressed to concoct a weirder duo than Kobe Bryant and Jimmy Fallon, who reminisced about a beer run they made in 1996 during Wednesday night's episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
It's a simple tale: Both were relatively unknown talents in their respective industries. Both were at a party running low on beer. Both stepped up to save the tribe from drought-like conditions. Fallon explained it was the first time they had met, and both being new to Los Angeles, they set out on their quest without any idea as to where they could find beer.
"So we get in [Kobe's car] and we go down to Pink Dot … it's a place out in L.A. ... where they only deliver food to you. It's not a store you can go in and buy stuff," Fallon said. "But we don't know. We were brand new … you're brand new in L.A., I don't know."
They tried anyway, because they had thirsty mouths to feed.
"So we knock on the glass, and the guy goes like, 'What do you want?'" Fallon said. "I go, 'We want beer!' and he goes, 'I can't sell you beer ... We have to deliver it to you.'"
About then is when Bryant slapped his driver's license on the Pink Dot window and said, "I'm a Laker."
Now, in Los Angeles, these three words are tantamount to "I am king. All your base are belong to us." No matter how far the franchise may fall, being a Laker means royalty by divine right within the city, and all doors are open to you. Obviously, our man at Pink Dot realized this and the rest is surely boozy, mid-'90s history.
Some of you may have noted that in 1996, Bryant was 17 or 18 years old, making him a likely candidate as the first underage person in American history to find himself in the midst of a beer purchase (neither says Bryant drank).
Bryant's age is secondary, however, to the fact that he and a young Jimmy Fallon were hanging out in the golden age of hip-hop and windbreakers. That is important. That is priceless.
God, I miss the '90s.
Dan is on Twitter, pouring one out for young Kobe.