Patrick Kane Belongs in Jail

Chicago Blackhawks superstar Patrick Kane was arrested early Sunday morning after he allegedly assaulted a cab driver in his hometown of Buffalo, N.Y.

According to a police report, Kane, 20, and his cousin, James Kane, 21, were pinched by the fuzz at approximately 5:00 AM after a physical dispute erupted between the kin and the cabbie over a measly 20 cents in change.

The driver was reportedly given $15 for his fare.

However, once the driver informed the obvious drunks that he didn’t have exact change, he was repeatedly punched in the face by the cheap duo before they stole the money back.

“They broke my glasses, they ripped my clothes…all over 20 cents,” cab driver Jan Radecki recounted.

Radecki, 62, whose nose was broken in the brazen attack, said the first overall selection in the 2007 NHL Draft and the winner of the 2008 Calder Trophy bragged about his stature while he proceeded to beat him.

“Patrick punched me in the head. He says, ‘You don’t know who you’re fucking with! You don’t know who you’re fucking with!’ And he kept pounding and pounding on me.”

A witness saw the attack while it occurred in “The City of Good Neighbors” downtown nightclub district and called police.

Both violent members of the Kane clan were charged with felony robbery and misdemeanor counts of theft of services and criminal mischief.

“What are you doing about it?” Radecki, a cab driver for nearly 30 years, asked rhetorically. “They’re hitting a 60-year-old man.”

The puny right wing, who could earn up to $3.725 million annually with bonuses, was hailed as a “hometown hero” by Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown just last Thursday after he partook in a ceremony announcing the funding of a local ice rink.

“Today is special for me,” Kane said at the ceremony at Timothy J. Burvid Ice Rink in South Buffalo. “This is where I grew up playing hockey. This is the first rink I probably skated in when I was six years old.”

After he was chosen by the Blackhawks, Kane was interviewed by Michael S. Schmidt of The New York Times.

During the interview, Kane was asked what his favorite television program was and he responded, “Friends. I like chick-like stuff. I like love songs, and when I saw The Pursuit of Happiness, I cried.”

Granted, Kane only recently emerged from adolescence and most youngsters are prone to making boneheaded mistakes.

Nevertheless, Kane should be sentenced to serve a minimal amount of jail time.

In lockup, the ice stud can tell his fellow inmates how much he enjoys “chick-like stuff” and how he relishes listening to “love songs.”

Kane would cry aplenty behind bars and he may even learn a lesson or two on the inside about how to properly treat human beings.

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