WWE Royal Rumble 2015: Superstars Who Will Disappoint in Battle Royal

WWE Royal Rumble buzz is usually reserved for potential surprises, likely winners, dark horses and more dark horses.

What about those who just don't have a shot?

Sure, fans remember the most surprising eliminations, from Vince McMahon tossing out Steve Austin to Maven shocking The Undertaker. But what about the least surprising? Those who expect to be thrown out like a Raw script an hour before showtime?

Not since the endless categories of Slammy Awards has a list been dedicated to such mediocrity. This is a Battle Royal featuring 30 WWE Superstars, one hour and one winner.

All characters are not created equally.

WWE Superstars guaranteed to disappoint are assessed on recent booking, past performance and Royal Rumble cliches—like 7-footers getting quadruple-teamed. 

Honorable Mention: Kofi Kingston

Past performance: Kofi Kingston has forged a Hall of Fame career based on his Royal Rumble highlights alone, especially by WWE's standards. In fact, he's only an honorable mention because it'll be impossible to top his two Battle Royal highlights from 2014, right? It just has to be.

Why He'll Disappoint: Kingston uses everything from stairs to chairs to guardrails to keep his annually dim WrestleMania hopes alive. The character's will to fight a war he'll never win is just as impressive as his athletic feats.

Now saddled with The New Day, WWE will likely cook up some harebrained, triple-team elimination-staving innovation that's sure to backfire. One of those fails that Michael Cole loves to mock openly, much to the detriment of the product.

Kingston has consistently put together so many impressive spots that he's due to have a dud.

Royal Rumble Cliche: That guy who skins too many cats. Just slap his hands off the ropes already.

5. Cesaro

Past Performance: Paul Heyman once called Cesaro battle royalty.

It was an ingenious play-on words only the greatest manager of all time could concoct. Unfortunately, Heyman is a gift and a curse. Like Nathan Jones and Matt Morgan before him, Heyman's prose was just too brilliant for Cesaro to handle.

Why He'll Disappoint: Cesaro and Tyson Kidd as a tag team is music to a metafan's ears. The tandem is inexplicably associated with Adam Rose, however. They've spent the last two weeks on Raw losing to The New Day.

It's all over for Cesaro. Even if it really isn't, he's not turning it around any time soon. Vince McMahon didn't call him out last month on the WWE Network to be shown up at a showcase pay-per-view. Best-case scenario, Cesaro performs the Cesaro Swing for more revolutions than seconds he remains in the Royal Rumble.

Royal Rumble Cliche: That guy who is eliminated quickly just to make sure Twitter works. 

4. Ryback

Past Performance: Ryback made the final two of the 2013 Royal Rumble, only to last three minutes and 49 seconds the following year. 

Why He'll Disappoint: Despite improvements in booking and character depth, Ryback is still closer to his 2014 form than 2013, when he was basically Roman Reigns.

Reigns aught to be shaking in his riot boots looking at Ryback's career arc. One minute he's toe-to-toe with John Cena—the next he's waiting to be tagged in by Curtis Axel.

Ryback's storyline firing will afford him one of the bigger pops of the evening as a returning anti-establishment babyface. What's worrisome is how he was booked even stronger headed into Survivor Series only be the first elimination of Team Cena. 

Royal Rumble Cliche: That guy who is much worse in a fake gang fight than he would be in a real one.

3. Bad News Barrett

Past Performance: For a guy with such a colorful personality, Bad News Barrett sure likes to disappear in Royal Rumbles. In 2013, he was eliminated by a Bo Dallas prototype.

Why He'll Disappoint: WWE is booking Barrett like an NFL player who just returned from injury.

Usually, WWE Superstars who make returns are hot for at least their first month. In Barrett's case, he's being booked like Adrian Peterson early in 2012 when he was playing his way into shape.

In five years on the main roster, Barrett doesn't have a memorable Royal Rumble moment to speak of. That's why Barrett ranks higher than some of his peers. His recent booking is even more concerning.

He lost to Sin Cara on SmackDown. He lost to Dean Ambrose on Raw. Nobody loses to Dean Ambrose anymore. Maybe WWE thinks Barret's bulletproof as long as he has the Intercontinental Championship. If that's true, he's not long for the Royal Rumble.

Royal Rumble Cliche: That guy who forces fans to ask, "Why wasn't he in the Royal Rumble?" when actually he was.

2. Daniel Bryan

Past Performance: Daniel Bryan was a Royal Rumble no-show last year. It was the best thing that happened to him.

A fan revolt ensued, propelling him to a WWE World Heavyweight Championship win at WrestleMania XXX.

Why He'll Disappoint: Anything less than a Royal Rumble win will disappoint Bryan's rabid fans. They're quickly resembling the 3:00 a.m. parking-lot crowd outside of a nightclub that refuses to go home.

He main evented a WrestleMania already. He had his turn on the swing set and fell off. Isn't it time for someone else to get a push?

The uneasy tension that will consume the Wells Fargo Center with every near elimination of Bryan will be palpable. It will all be too good not to cash in on the heel who finally throws him out.  

That will bring WWE back to the golden age of pro wrestling, even if just for a moment. It'll harken back to the time when fans hurled their Coca-Cola into the ring when they didn't get their way.

That's when pro wrestling got real. When it was a bit dangerous. When it was a lot of fun.

WWE's most marketable formula is to upset fans until it's time for a payoff. This process will begin at The Royal Rumble with Bryan's elimination. And while fans will get their payoff at WrestleMania, it won't result in any championships.

Royal Rumble Cliche: That guy who stays forever and doesn't win, but hey, it was great cardio.

1. The Big Show

Past Performance: One can easily cut, copy and paste Big Show into any given Battle Royal. There's a strong chance the result will be the same. He will probably eliminated by several WWE Superstars to the feigned surprise of the WWE announce team.

Why He'll Disappoint: Wrestling fans know better than to trust the high praise of a giant in a Battle Royal. Year after year, announcers ask how such a large WWE Superstar can be thrown over the top rope. Every year that's exactly what happens.

Big Show barely gets the gang warfare treatment anymore. During his last Royal Rumble appearance in 2012, he was eliminated by Randy Orton.

Now a somewhat resurgent monster heel, Big Show's appearance in the 2015 Royal Rumble will end when enough WWE Superstars say so. The worst thing any savvy Royal Rumble prognosticator can ask is, "Who can possibly eliminate the Big Show?"

So expect Michael Cole to say just that during Big Show's deliberate walk to the ring.

Royal Rumble Cliche: That Giant who dominates for five minutes until a handful of WWE Superstars carry him out like ants carrying brunch.

Click here for more thoughts on the Royal Rumble, WrestleMania 31 and more!  

Follow @ThisIsNasty