The Half Dozen Reason I'm a Patriots Fan

Steven FennerCorrespondent IAugust 10, 2009

For you kids, move on, you won't understand. It's beyond your capability of understanding. You're not old enough to get it. So with that said, move a long little doggie.

Alright who's still here? You!? 45 year old steel worker? You!? 62 year old farmer from western MA? You!? 57 year old pharmacist from just outside the beltway?

You know who you all are, and you're just like me. Just a poor schmuck who has followed the Patriots since the old days. The days of the Sullivan family, don't hide, you all know who you are.

You have each been through the phases.

1. I'm a Sox fan all the way and I know they are going to lose, not sure when, but I know it's going to happen. With that said you know the Patriots are going to lose too. Thanks Billy Sullivan.

2. The Red Sox ownership really loves us. I know we have the crappiest seats in the league, but hey, just remember it's better than down the road at Sulivan Stadium and the seats that we have there.

3. Woohooo we have a new owner, Victor Kiam. Booyaaaaa, goodbye Sullivans. See ya! Oh crap! He's a bigger schmuck than they are. What the F! Really, the Patriots are bankrupt and now the league is going to own them. Thanks Vic! How bout you take that stupid electric razor of yours and stick it up your a%^#!

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4. What's that, St. Louis? Why the hell would they move there? Oh, I get it, money. Is there a God? Anyone need a kidney, it appears the Patriots are selling my body parts without permission. No really the weapon is loaded, I'll hold it to my head all you have to do is pull the trigger when I say or when the news reports the Sullivans have re-aquired the Patriots.

5. Oh the Krafts bought them, woo    hoooo. Remember when we got excited about that razor company guy what's his name? Big fn deal. I'm missing internal organs, what more do they want?, My next born?

6. Holly crap! This family is for real. They like us, they really really like us. OMG a friggen SB, noooo way another one!!!!!! Holy shietz a third one!!!!!! I don't know what to do, are you kidding me? What the heck man. I always believed. I never doubted, I always new someday, someday. And I have always said just stay calm it will happen. See I told all of you, I told you, you guys were all wrong. Weaklings everyone of you.

Just proves the voices in my head are correct. 5 out of 6 of them agree I'm not crazy.

And see that guy all the way in the back of the picture being blocked by the others? That one is the voice of reason. Yikes!