Top Ten Most Aggravating ESPN Analysts

Colin MeansCorrespondent IAugust 7, 2009

You know those days when all you wanna do is grab a cold drink, sit down, and flip on the tube to ESPN?

You know how agonizing it can be to turn on ESPN right when someone who “pushes your buttons” just so happens to be relaying his uninformed analysis to America?

Well I’ve broken down the most aggravating ESPN analysts, and formed the “Top Ten Most Aggravating ESPN Analysts.”

Consider this a watch list for future encounters.

10. Stephen A. Smith

So Smith may have been “let go” by ESPN back in May, but he still earns the last spot.  Stephen A. Smith just might be the most aggravating person to listen to, but it’s his aggravatingness that draws you in.  And don’t lie, once Smith starts running his mouth it’s hard to not stay tuned.

9. Chris Berman

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the Swami’s presence.  On Sunday Night NFL Countdown, that is.  When it comes to baseball, Boomer would not be my number one choice for color commentary.  Too often does he betray is baseball ignorance, and who can forget his classic commentary during the Home Run Derby?  “It’s way back, it’s way back, it’s way back…that one outta here!  Oh, and he falls just short of a home run.”

8. Mark May

Here we have Lou Holtz’ counterpart.  If you are going to debate with Mark May, you must know one thing: Mark May is never wrong.  Never.  Or so he implies.  Holtz barely gets a chance to speak before May busts out telling him how and why he’s wrong, and why it will never happen.  Course I guess it’s a lose-lose situation anyway.

7. Lou Holtz

Listening to Lou Holtz give his college football analysis is like staring at a bad car wreck, you want to look away, but you just can’t.  Holtz may be one of the most respected and accomplished college football coaches in history, but good god as an analyst he just makes me want to tear my hair out. 

6. Colin Cowherd

Part of me died when ESPN came out with their newest show, SportsNation.  Cowherd picks an opinion with the sole intent of making it sound reasonable, and fails most of the time.  The aggravating part is when he thinks he’s on to something, then gets that excited look on his face and continues on but to nowhere in particular.  Please ESPN, please put us out of our misery.

5. Dick Vitale

I don’t think this one really needs much of an explanation.  Dickie V is pretty much the symbol of college basketball, kinda like Megan Fox is the symbol of sex.  Vitale has been around so long I’m sure ESPN can’t really replace him, no matter how much they want to.  Can they?

4. Skip Bayless

I’m sure Skip Bayless has your number for many of you, but I actually enjoy First and Ten—go ahead and call me abnormal.  However, I can’t deny that Bayless can be one of the most persistent and annoying “analysts” out there.  There’s a rumor that Skip Bayless causes more hair loss than aging, although I’ve yet to see conclusive evidence on the matter.

3. Lee Corso

Corso was originally being considered for a higher spot, but something’s just not right putting a guy who recently suffered a heart attack as the most aggravating analyst.  Honestly I’ve begin to think if Corso even looks at anything relevant to a team’s current success when commenting.  Thankfully ESPN hasn’t lost all sanity when hiring it’s Gameday crew, as Kirk Herbstreit somewhat cancels out Corso’s mindlessness. 

2. Mel Kiper Jr.

Another name that needs no explanation.  Kiper may know his NFL draftees, (he should, what else does he do on the other 363 days of the year?) but he is nonetheless a pain to listen too.  I’ve been wondering why ESPN prefers Kiper over McShay longer than you’ve been wondering if Bigfoot exists.

1. Jay Mariotti

Mariotti takes the cake.  If there is a more arrogant, selfish, cheeky, conceited, pompous, pretentious, vain, and egotistic analyst out there, let me at ‘em. Here’s a list of people I’d rather watch on Around the Horn other than Mariotti: Woody Paige, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Chad Ochocinco, and Stephon Marbury.  However, in order for Marbury to qualify, he must agree to eat another scoop of Vaseline on air. 

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