Dear Awesome Eldin™: Greedybayour Edition

After spending some time on B/R I started receiving mail from celebrities asking for my advice on different topics, while I sadly did not receive these individual's names due to the seriousness of the issues addressed, I can however show their letters to the public.

The first half is the letter I've received, and the second is my reply to them.

Note: The following letter had to be translated before being shown to the public, I couldn't understand a single word written in this letter.

I had to use the Online Greedybayour Translator, and I still can't assure you that my translation was spot on.

The original letter is placed in it's original format, while my translation is placed right below it for people to understand.

Note: To fully understand this letter, one is advised to watch the Greedy Translator if they haven't already.

DEER OSAMA BIN LADEN   

" Dear Awesome Eldin™ "                                                                           

I M ZE TITTIE MAN, I PLAY FOR MANSHESHTER SHITTY AS A SEXY STRIPPER, BUT LATELY MR.OSAMA, I HAVE BEEN COOLED BY PEOPLE AS A HAYTA,                                                                                                                            

"I am the City man, I play for Manchester City as a supporting striker, but lately Mr.Awesome™, I have been called be people as a hater,"

A HAYTA OF THE GAYMAN I WOULD LIKE TO ASHOOO PEOPLE ZAT ZEY ARE WRONG, I LOVE ZE BEOOTIFULL GAYMAN MORE ZAN ANYONE ELSE WHO PLAYED ZE GAYMAN

"A hater of the game and I would like to assure people that they are wrong, I love the beautiful game and more than anyone else who played the game and"

PEOPLE SINK ZAT I M IN IT FOR ZA MONEY, I MEEN, OFCOOS OFCOOS, MONEY IS A PAT OF IT, BUT I WOULD STILL PLAY ZE BEOOTIFUL GAYMAN FO FREE                  

"People think that I am in it for the money, I mean, of course of course, money is a part of it, but I would still the beautiful game and for free"

I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO SHITY, I WANTED TO PLAY HAKUNA MATATA BIG FOR ZA SHMART OF ZA NOO SEASON

"I didn't want to go to city, I wanted to play Hannover 96 before the start of the season."

I WISH I PLAYED FO FARTSELONA, BUT ZEY SINK ZAT I M NOT A BIG GAY PLAYA, ZEY SINK I M NOT A HOMO BUT ZEY ARE WRONG

"I wish I played for Barcelona, but they think that I am not a big game player, they think that I'm not a hero but they are wrong."

BACK AT HOMO I M A BIG HOMO, AND ZEY HAVE MY PICTSHAS IN THE GAY BUS.  I M FAIRY HAT AND FAIRY CUUL, ZEY R MILKING ME FAIRY ANGRY.   

"Back at home I am a big hero, and they have my pictures in the game bars. I am very hot and very cool, they are making me very angry."

I KNOW MY HORMONES WERE BAT LUST SEASON, BUT I WANT A  MOTHER DANCE, ZE NEXT TIME TEAMS COME FROM CONDOM TO PLAY AGAINST SHITTY, I WILL PEE GOOD THE NEXT TIME THE TWO TITTIES PELE AGAINST EACT OTHA 

"I know my performances were bad last season, but I want another chance. The next time teams come from London to play against City, I will be good the next time the two cities play against each other."

FREEZE MR.OSAMA, YOU R ZE ONLY HOOP I HALF IN EVRA MILKING ZE PEOPLE APPY    

"Please Mr.Awesome™, you are the only hope I have in ever making the people happy."

I WOULD LIKE TO SHAG YOU VERY MUCH

"I would like to thank you very much."

MY E-MAIL IS [e-mail]                                                   

YOORS TROOLY

GREEDYBAYOUR

Note: I thought it wouldn't be fair to just write my letter in English only, so I translated it to the language of Greedybayour so that he could understand exactly what my advice is for him.

Dear Greedybayour

I am delighted that you came to me for help, and I assure you that your sick secrets will be safe with me, I will not judge you, and I assure you that I am in no way going to be judgemental

"YO HOMIE PIE, STIZZLE MA HIZZLE IN YO FIZZLE FO SHIZZLE, WE EAST COAST GANGSTA BANANAS IN PIJAMAS FO LIFE BRUTHA "

About your problems, have you ever thought about trying to be loyal to something other than money and Beyonce, that might be a good start.

"LASHIZ MY NIZZLE BE FLIPPING, WE BE MSSIN' WITH LIL' KIM YOUNG ILL THE SHRILLS IS DOPE MA HOMEBOY SCOOBY DOOBY DOO, PIKACHU FOR LIFE MY BRUTHA FRUM ANOTHA MUTHA"

Also, how can you be hot and cool at the same time? Think about that for a second.   

"STICK IT TO THE MAN, DONKEY KONG IS MA HOMEBOY, YA DIG DAWWGG."

I'm sorry if I failed to translate the letter correctly, but I will get better with practice.

"MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO MONKEY POO, MONKEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY."

Note: I have no connection whatsoever with Osama Bin Laden, but if you actually meant him instead of me, then the only useful information you told me is that you, along with Bin Laden and Al Qaeda are gay.

"YO MAMA SO FAT SHE CAN'T FIT IN DAT, WE ZA PEANUTS MASTAS, CHUCK NORRIS IS THE SH!T YO SAY WAAAAAAH, GREEDY FO LIFE MA NIZZLE"

Yours truly,

YOORS TROOLY

Awesome Eldin™.

THE LAST CHICKEN

Note: Eldin, Awesome Eldin and Awesome are all trademarks of Mohamed Eldin Masri, any illegal use of these words will result in a law suit followed by endless punching in the nuts.

You have been warned.