The Real Real Reason Fedor Won't Sign in the UFC

I've been sitting in my Igloo all day with an elite group of Canadian social scientists to try to understand the Fedor problem.

I think we finally have found the true reason Fedor isn't in the UFC.

Apparently the sticking point is not a matter of money, but is a matter of co-promotion, or profit sharing.

Fedor's camp wants a piece of the UFC's pie.

Some people have thought that this simply meant that Fedor wants more money, and that they cleverly calculated that getting a percentage would be better than getting a specific sum.

Yet while my fellow Canadian social scientists and I were pouring over the cultural aspects of Russian negotiation, we happened upon an old Soviet mathematics textbook.

After successful translation, we discovered something quite interesting.

Here is a quotation.

If Joseph Stalin sends 5 million worthless and traitorous people disloyal to working camps for the benefit of the motherland, and there are 200 million Soviet workers fantastic, what is the fraction that are worthless traitors?

Answer: Not very many at all.

We found several more examples where the use of fractions easily hid the understanding of quantity, and millions of worthless traitors were consistently reduced to small fractions of the whole of the motherland and "progress make benefit."

This all fits very perfectly with the Fedor situation.

It now seems clear that the problem is simply a misunderstanding of numbers, and an overemphasis on fractions due to propaganda within the Soviet education system.

To rectify this problem, we've sent out five of our fastest moose-riders with greeting baskets including Canadian public education math textbooks, maple syrup, and french-language comedy.

We estimate that within five years within the Canadian education system, Fedor and his manager Vadim Finkelchtein will realize their mistake.