EXCLUSIVE: Vikings Hire John Randle to Coaching Staff [HUMOR]

Amidst talks and rumors of the possibility of Brett Favre coming to play for the Vikings, the organization announced yet another stunning move today: The hiring of longtime defensive tackle and fan favorite, John Randle.

Randle could not be immediately reached for comment at the time of this ”article.”

A spokesperson speaking on the condition of anonymity out of fear of being sacked by the organization said Randle was being brought in to “handle” some things and tie up some “loose ends.”

It is speculated that Brad Childress has been under watch coming into this year.

Between his failure last season to overcome the Eagles in the playoffs, and his incredibly odd and over-exercised faith in Tarvaris Jackson, to his dead average record of 24-24 in three years, it is widely believed that the club was looking for something (or someone) to add another dimension to the up and coming year.

Randle certainly fits the bill.

Randle is remembered for his tenacity and ferocity on the field, his ability to wreak havoc on opposing quarterbacks, and his penchant for spewing trash talk during each and every down; not to mention one of the most feared DTs in all of football.

“I’m just a dude who’s gonna come in here and take care of things…..just call me Randle the Handle.”

The Viking players were asked about the front office move and whether they felt it was a sound decision on their part:

“He’s a man who can get things done, period!” one player said.

“I personally don’t know him, but I loved his face painting skills.” answered another.

“Does this mean he’s just gonna chase Favre around if BOTH become members of the team?” inquired a third.

Riveting responses.

Brad Childress was also not available for comment, but has been under fire as fans continually wonder whether he will in fact put this thing together in 2009; Favre or no Favre.

Randle’s ability to motivate and scare the begeesus into anyone he comes in contact with has been thought of to be that final motivational ingredient the team has been missing.

Among spending time on the field while helping to coach better fundamentals and techniques, Randle has opened several off-field activities to help solidify the team’s continuity. These activities include, but are not limited to:

·         The Art of Face Painting: How to Paint with Class.

·         Talk Smack The Randle Way: An Overview of Proper Trash Talking.

·         Big John’s Ho-Down BBQ Fiasco Night featured every Tuesday.

Randle has also incorporated support groups for team morale such as: With or Without Favre; a nightly roundtable support group for players who are sick and tired of answering questions regarding whether the media darling will join the team.

High spirits seem to be surrounding the team as of late, though, regardless of Randle’s presence.

The team is enjoying the on-going maturation of one of the league’s top backs Adrian Peterson, the solid and unified play of their ferocious defensive line, and their newest sensation Percy Harvin and his flair and athleticism on the field.

High expectations are sure to be hanging over the heads of the Vikings this year, but with the level of talent this team has to offer, and Randle the Handle taking care of business, the Vikings will have a lot of room to move as they make their way to the top of the NFC!